Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Use, Abuse, Dispose

We live in a narcissistic society today. Look around at those wielding the most power and influence. A large percentage of them are narcissists. (There are exceptions---individuals who have tremendous success and have great character and integrity).

Narcissists adopt a predictable cycle of Use, Abuse, Dispose. This pathological repetition can last a few weeks or decades, depending on how long you put your fate in the hands of a narcissistic personality. With a narcissist there is never an authentic relationship. He/she is a grandiose false self without conscience, empathy or compassion. Narcissists are ruthless and exploitive to the core.

Learn to recognize the NPD quickly and accurately. If they are oozing with too much charm and you get the intuition to step back, pay attention to this inner wisdom. Giving you the rush is part of their scheme to control and manipulate you. Narcissists always want something from you. If you think they love you, give that one up quickly. NPD's are users only--They put on the show of a lifetime--consummate actors at center stage with their adoring audiences.

Narcissists completely lack empathy--the ability to feel and understanding what another person is experiencing on a deep level. They also lack compassion and are not introspective. They are street savvy and know how to find your most vulnerable parts and learn how to play to perfection.

Once the narcissist has gotten what he wants--status, pleasure, power, connections, intrigue, romance, etc. he sends you out the door without an apology, true explanation or a hint of guilt. Remember, these individuals do not have a conscience so they don't experience guilt. They sleep very well at night while you are tossing about in emotional and psychological agony. Don't let this happen to you. Study these NPD's deeply and you will know how to identify them and keep them out of your life or show them the door with great dispatch.

Your life is precious. It belongs to you. You have many gifts. Use them---all of them and more. You deserve deep inner peace and relationships that are warm, loving, supportive and empathic. To learn about every facet of the NPD, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Narcissists play "I' have Changed" Card

One of the repetitive themes that runs through the cycle of abuse with the narcissistic spouse is: "I have changed. I want you back. I am a different person now."  This works very well for many narcissists. They are such brilliant method actors that the abused spouse believes them. She has been waiting to hear these words for years. She wants to believe that this man has transformed himself. She still loves this husband who has abused her for years. She takes him back and soon discovers that he has returned to get something that he wants. In some cases it is a financial ruse. He knows that you have been very successful at your career or business and he has come to take you for every financial asset you have. Another reason is that he doesn't want to go through a divorce because in the agreement he will lose too much of his monetary worth. He would much rather have a pretend marriage with you as the official spouse that leaves him lots of opportunities for his affairs. He needs the image of the perfect marriage and family. Beneath the surface he is still leading a secret life. 

Narcissistic personalities do not change. This is a fixed characterlogical disorder. Narcissists believe they are perfect. Don't let the narcissistic spouse back into your life. You don't deserve this abuse and exploitation. Free yourself. You will find your own way. You will use your creative gifts. Your energy and emotional and psychological health will be restored. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissitinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Spouse--Psychological Abuse Must Stop

Narcissistic spouses are known for taking their husbands or wives beyond the point of endurance. They don't care one whit if you are becoming emotionally fragile, have post traumatic stress, physical symptoms--headaches, gastrointestinal problems, bouts of debilitating depression, insomnia and hundreds of others disturbances. They live strictly for themselves. In fact if you go to them for mercy and tell them you are suffering they will tell you  any of the following: " you are weak and too sensitive", It's all in your mind" "your imagination is too vivid" "You're making it up to upset me" "You're a drama queen (or king)","you're mentally unbalanced" and innumerable labels and cruel retorts. How many times have you told yourself you can't take this abuse any longer. You're not sleeping; you are jumping with nerves every time you know you husband will be at home. You dread having to be near this person. You are always waiting for the next verbal assault--It can come any time of day or night. Some narcissistic spouses awaken their partners in the middle of the night and go on verbal rampages for hours nonstop.

A point of reckoning is to know through your research and insight that the person to whom you are married is a narcissistic personality. This individual is not going to change. You have suffered for too long and your quality of life, including your physical energy, mental focus, feelings of emotional security and concerns about your children are negatively effected by continuing in the marriage. The time has come and the decision is yours. You long to take back your own life, your own mind, your individual gifts and energies. You can decide how you want to live---starting this moment. Pay close attention to your inner self. You can leave the narcissist and lead the life that you deserve. You have that strength, faith and perseverance. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Stop the Narcissistic Roller Coaster-I'm getting off

Narcissists take us on a perilous ride, especially if we are married to them. After the initial months with the narcissist who acts like a perfect partner, you begin to notice deepening cracks in the magnetic charm and "I adore you' scripts. On stage in his professional and social life, the narcissist is pure perfection. Some narcissists fulfill this role for themselves by hosting elaborate parties, soirees and small intimate dinners. These narcissists are very grandiose extroverts.  The cuisine is often very elaborate with many intricate courses. These parties are like stage productions in which the narcissist can show off his residence to the best advantage. Every object--furnishings, finishings, art work, landscaping has been designed and executed at the highest level of craftsmanship. Often these narcissists are in a constant whirl of re-doing and perfecting a home that is already outstanding. This obsessive improvement behavior is a way the narcissist can let all of those who visit that he/she is superior in his daily lifestyle.

There is a dark side to this opulent picture. When all of the guests have left and the narcissist is alone with his spouse, the underside, the negative unconscious makes its sinister appearance. Sometimes it is fueled by the narcissist's excessive alcohol intake. The verbal pounding begins with one criticism on top of the other. The volume turns up quickly--the recriminations begin and never end. The narcissistic spouse has turned on you with full fury. He may get close to your face and threaten you. "You were bored with my stories. I saw the ugly expressions on your face." "You were a dreadful hostess tonight with no energy. I know that our guests sensed that you were preoccupied." "Why can't you dress with more style. I knew I should have picked out your outfit." "By the way, you've gained a few extra pounds around the middle and it is absolutely disgusting."

These seizures of rage can go on for hours nonstop. The extreme stress these behaviors have on the non-narcissistic spouse is devastating. In some cases it affects the physical health of the partner, can cause sever depression and anxiety attacks.



This roller coaster emotional stress cycle with the narcissist becomes intolerable. Remembers, these individuals have no sense of limits. They dish it out---You are expected to take it, even if you feel like you are going in implode or explode from the torment of these constant volleys of abuse. Some spouses stay on the narcissistic roller coaster.Others decide they must get off. They have had enough and are willing to walk away even if they are risking leaving some financial assets on the table. This decision is a wise one for those who are finally compelled to lead their own lives and become separate, independent and free of the narcissistic psychopathology of their spouse. I hear positive reports from those who have gotten off of this insane ride and are now the authors of their own lives. They have reclaimed their real selves, are thriving in mental freedom and psychological inner peace. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 



Linda Marinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Don't Capitulate to the Narcissist---You Are Whole and Strong

You are and were meant to be whole and strong human beings. Many of you have had a very rough ride in life, often too much to bear. I know of those who have been almost at the breaking point with narcissists'  deceptions, betrayals and horrendous cruelties. Their secret psychological tortures are performed out of public notice when no one but the victim is their target. Even children don't suspect how horrendous and overwhelmingly painful a non-narcissistic spouse has suffered under unspeakable pain and chronic distress---But we must talk about them---these narcissists who are becoming normalized by our current society---bring them out into the open, pin them down, wriggling, with the truth of our words and our lives.

The narcissist is a clever deceiver. Most people believe him/her, even professional psychotherapists, judges on the bench, and too many of those in authority who wield the power to make life changing decisions. (custody of children for starters) Too often those who sit in judgment favor the narcissist's twisted stories, packs of well constructed layered lies and traps that they lay for those whom they plot to ensnare and vanquish. Each one of us---victims of narcissistic cruelty--daughters and sons of narcissists, spouses of narcissists, siblings of narcissists, family members can start by learning in detail as much as they can about the ways these individuals operate beneath the radar (when they are off stage), the family dynamics that mold these clever impostors, the many ways that today's society accepts this severe personality disorder and discounts the emotional and psychological devastation of other human beings that narcissists always leave behind them. That is the tragedy that we must face, acknowledge and start to communicate directly so that the voices of the victims of narcissistic abuse are heard through every medium possible. The Internet is a powerful source for truth telling and the global distribution of vital information----instantaneously. I communicate with too many of those who have suffered too much for too long and are still at the mercy of narcissistic abuse in their daily lives or through past cruelties that still resonate within them.

Know that you will heal. The human psyche, mind and soul is always in the process of healing. This is a vital aspect of human nature and all of life. When we are receptive to the deepest parts of ourselves and can attune to the stillness, the straight truth that speaks directly to us, we become aware of the forces of healing that are waiting for us to say: "Yes, I am whole, free and strong"! Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Narcissists Can't Have Real Relationships

Authentic relationships ask us to make an emotional and psychological investment in another person. They require that we are capable of empathy and have the capacity to put ourselves psychologically in their place. Narcissists are incapable of empathy. They can be very convincing that they care deeply about us but this is a well rehearsed act that the narcissist has perfected. A narcissist can be enthralled with someone but this doesn't last particularly when he/she discovers that you are no longer the source of his narcissistic supplies for praise, adulation, or in many cases monetary or societal supplies. Real relationships require commitment, loyalty and truth. The narcissist does not have these traits. The narcissist is psychologically empty inside. He/she is constantly hungering and seeking people and situations that will gratify his ego. Many are fooled and believe that they are "the one". The narcissist is parasitic, feeding off of others. When the individual source is all use up, he moves on to the next human supply. Narcissists do not change; they are fixed personality disorders. When we throw our destinies in with narcissists, we give part of our lives away to them.

Protect yourself from narcissistic abuse. You deserve to live fully, using your creative gifts, giving and receiving love, experiencing empathy from those who share your life. Learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Break the Narcissistic Tie that Binds You

Those who suffer in marriages to narcissists are tied to their spouses by intricate knots. Many of them are too attached to the lifestyle to let go. They may despise their mate but they cannot give up the perks and comfort of financial stability, luxury and social prominence. Other spouses who are not leading lives at this material  level, nevertheless, are convinced that this is their partner for life. Whenever they make up their minds to leave this abusive environment, they remind themselves of the "good times" they have spent with their partners and reverse themselves.This is part of the massive denial that the spouse of a narcissist uses to stay with her mate. Often the family backgrounds of these spouses is abusive and the partner experiences the repetition of maltreatment as "normal" and familiar. They have been accustomed since childhood to being on constant alert for blowups, violent scenes, neglect and verbal criticism.

Many spouses of narcissists get to the breaking point of recognizing that staying with this individual is injurious to their mental and physical health. They realize that they are imprisoned in the narcissist's delusions and controlled by someone who is cruel and ruthless---incapable of empathy or compassion.

The tie to the narcissist loosens as the partner recognizes that he or she is no longer willing to be treated in such an egregious manner. The wish to become free, to break this pathological bond becomes stronger.
Finally, many spouses make the decision to sever the relationship and to breathe the air of psychological freedom. Eventually they are grateful for taking this courageous step. Their lives belong to themselves. They are unencumbered by the lies, deceptions and cruelties of the narcissist. Finally, they feel the joy and exuberance that accompanies "being themselves", often for the first time in their lives. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyoulife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Say Goodbye to Narcissistic Abuse-Personal Experience

I had a relationship with a distant relative for some time whom I knew was a narcissist. His conversation --a one way street since  he was incapable of listening or caring about what some one else was thinking, centered around himself--his professional accomplishments, important people to whom he had access, his many trips to exotic shores, the way in which he impressed others with his extraordinary brilliance and  social skills. This self anointed monologue was in contrast to another type of communication. He would catch you off guard and begin to pick away, snipe, and grind down your self confidence. This didn't work with me because I always knew exactly what he was doing, the stark cruelty and viciousness of his manner and I saw him infrequently. But it was very unpleasant on those occasions. I am in communication with those who are challenged every day by the narcissist if they are spouses, children or siblings of these severe personality disorders. You deserve so much credit for your courage. Many of you have decided to leave the narcissist even though this can be complex. Children of narcissists work hard at healing from a parent who was so selfish and self absorbed that they never received the attention needed or the love and affection that is so necessary to a child. Many of these individuals receive good psychotherapy and work with the trauma of having to deal with a parent that was incapable of empathy, affection or the ability to accept their child as a s separate valuable individual. You can sever our ties with the narcissist and finally say goodbye to narcissistic abuse. Enlist the help of one or two very close friends whom you can trust completely. They will listen and be present for you. Study the narcissistic personality disorder in detail. Do not blame yourself when the narcissist makes accusations, is highly critical and cold. This is not about you; it's about him/her. You deserve to lead your own life, free of the narcissist. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com