The covert narcissist, who can be difficult to identify until you have been bitten by him or her, flies under the
radar. They wear the dress and manner of civility, empathy (of course finely tuned false empathy) and humility. This is their masterful facade---Covert narcissists are often mistaken caring human beings who value your well being above yours.The covert narcissist is not grandiose. In the beginning he doesn't brag about himself.
He appears to look up to you. The covert narcissist works on your ego needs to feel special, important, bright, talented. These individuals are great performers. How self sacrificing and dutiful can you get!
If you are a good catch as a marital partner (You are a well respected professional; you come from a prominent well connected family; you have an enviable financial portfolio) the covert narcissist is stepping over himself with compliments. You are superior, brilliant, talented, accomplished---the most extraordinary person he has ever met. It isn't long before the CN has control of your feelings. You have fallen for him. You are lapping up the narcissistic supplies as the CN is throwing bouquets of roses at your feet. You feel adored for the first time in your life.
You marry the CN. It doesn't take long for the dark side of the CN to appear behind closed doors. The core narcissistic personality is revealed in all of its ugliness--the demands, non stop criticisms, accusations, recriminations, manipulations. Barrages of insults fill the air; you are suffocating with anxiety. The spouse of the narcissist is worn down and exhausted, living in a state of ongoing apprehension, anxiety and hyper vigilance.
The disparity between the humble, charming facade of the CV and his real nature is astounding. Often the psychologically injured spouse is not believed. and further abused. Isolated, worn down and desperate the covert narcissist swoops in to take you down---financially, emotionally, psychologically. He finds another willing partner---someone else whom he can fool, use and abuse. To protect yourself and learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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