Covert Narcissists need to be exposed. They are difficult to identify. They blend in with great skill in business and social circles. They are all eyes and ears about what you are saying. Most people feel comfortable with them because they appear to be genuine. This is not the case. The covert narcissist is one of the most psychologically dangerous of all the narcissistic types. It is because of his/her disingenuous camouflaged real self which is hateful and conniving.
The covert narcissist often uses the ploy of being someone you can always count on. They move seamlessly into your life. They appear to make things easier for you. They anticipate your needs. It can be a small thoughtful gift or an errand run without being asked. At first there is no indication that they are grandiose or self absorbed. Their major interest appears to be their laser focus on you as a special person. This is the reverse of the grandiose, larger than life narcissist that we recognize readily. Covert narcissists are highly secretive They are smart psychological poker players.
If you grew up in a family with a covert narcissist it may have taken some time for you to realize that a parent or sibling was disparaging you, demeaning you, competing with you all of this time. When you look back you see the fierceness of the covert narcissist's drive to win at all costs and beat you out of the running.
Covert narcissists like to talk behind your back. They do their dirty work of attempting to destroy your reputation in the shadows with innuendos, the tone of their lie laced stories, the nonverbal complicity with someone else who is gossiping about you.
Once you have been hooked and are wiggling in the wind with a covert narcissist, they are as merciless as any grandiose narcissist. In many ways it is worse because the tendency is to want to forgive for their cruelties and let them back into your life and begin to trust them again. This is disastrous. They are insinuating themselves back in order to assert more control, to abuse and degrade you. If you are a sensitive human being you have put yourself in the hands of an enemy. A covert narcissist is in disguise except when they bare their fangs. Believe me they will bite down and draw blood. At their center the CN is just as ruthless, deceptive, vituperative, manipulative and exploitative as all the other narcissists.
To protect yourself, study the narcissistic personality disorder. Pay attention to your intuition. If someone finds you too fascinating too soon, pay attention and make a mental note. What do you have that this person wants. If the individual is very saccharin and you hear the voice of intuition to go slowly, listen carefully to this wise part of yourself. Learning to quiet the mind and calm the nervous system through a form of meditation that works for you or the use of gentle yoga and other healing modalities can be of immense help deepening your powers of attention and concentration, These skills assist in remaining detached and of maintaining a steadiness within yourself. This way you can make an accurate assessment if this individual is a covert narcissist. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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