Thursday, March 29, 2012

Don't Let Narcissistic Spouse Psychologically Detour Your Life

Narcissists are always seeking what they want and must have. They zone in on people who will get them to the winner's circle. Whether it is money, power, sexual attraction, stealing your creative ideas---the narcissist is always there to take from you. Narcissists are craven--They feed off of others. It is part of their nature to bring you into their psychological sphere with their charm, promises and allure, to use up all that you have to offer and then to disregard you. This is an all too familiar pattern. It is important to understand that no matter what they promise---whether it is material comfort, financial stability, making your dreams come true---they will in the end fail you and worse they can make your life a living hell day and night. This is as predictable as phases of the Moon. It 's only a matter of when the dark side of the narcissist will show the horrific side he has hidden from you. Often there are hints even in the beginning.  You will notice the need to control you, to want everything to look perfect--including you. You will observe the demands that the narcissist makes on other people whom he intimidates.

If you stay with the narcissist you are in some way taking a detour from your own life. Some spouses manage to create a zone of detachment around themselves for protection. But is this an authentic, loving relationship?
Those who decide that they must lead their own lives, grow psychologically and emotionally on their own terms and expand their creative gifts in freedom, take the step toward divorce. This can be daunting since narcissists are very clever with hiding assets, blaming everything that went wrong with the marriage on you, and telling every relative and friend, outlandish lies about you. Nevertheless, I have seen many partners make this decision and move through the process of freeing themselves. They have endured and prevailed. They are now directing their own lives and discovering that they are moving forward toward greater individuation and the use of their creative gifts. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

If you marry a narcissist you are in for a very bumpy ride----eventually. Some spouses are willing to make this part of their life destiny. They have decided that it is worth the misery to put up with such a disingenuous, enraged, duplicitous human being. In most cases the non narcissistic spouse doesn't know whom she has married. Narcissists are at the top of their game when they are reeling you in. Don't blame yourself if it takes a long time to see through their games, traps and ruses. When you discover that you spouse is a narcissist, it is your decision whether to stay in the "relationship" or sever it. This can be very complex, especially when there are children involved.

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