Narcissistic Men---Love the One You're With

Well there's a rose in a fisted glove  
And the eagle flies with the dove  
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey 
Love the one you're with  
You gotta love the one you're with  
You gotta love the one you're with...
(Crosby, Stills and Nash)


Narcissists make you believe that they love and adore you when you first meet them if they are attracted or if you meet the specifications for a gigantic narcissistic supply. High level narcissists are extraordinary actors. They can be absolutely irresistible. It is impossible for most people to say  "no" to them. Many women cannot disconnect from the narcissist despite all of the psychological pain. Some of them become addicted to the lifestyle if the guy has money. In other instances the abused woman is psychologically deluded by her partner. Narcissists are purveyors of empty promises. The abused woman keeps telling herself that next time---the following week, month---this spouse or boyfriend will have changed. Narcissists have a severe fixed personality disorder that does not change. Besides, why should they? They ruthlessly get whatever they want.  They cajole, threaten, intimidate and exploit anyone they have to to win- Winning is everything to narcissists and if it takes revenge, it tastes sweet in their mouths. 

Narcissistic men have many compartmentalized "relationships." They are married in name only. It is not unusual for them to juggle several women at once. They are addicted to the next new thing and often that is a new woman---they are loving the one they're with. Actually they are incapable of love or genuine caring. Narcissists are shallow and psychologically empty.

Protect yourself from the narcissist who is giving you the full push toward him. ---Don't become the next woman playing the role of  Love the One You're With. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
 
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Narcissistic Unempathic Therapists

It doesn't matter how many degrees a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, counselor or psychoanalyst has on his or her walls. Completing internships and residences at the highest level institutions does not make an individual an excellent therapist. The degrees and licenses tell you that the person has complete a specific course of study and has passed the exams. You do not know what is deep inside this person until you start interacting with them. Even with excellent referrals, you may find that a therapist is competent but  his temperament and disposition is not the right fit for you.  

There are narcissistic psychotherapists who put on their act of treating clients. They are after the money and prestige badges. The pretend that they care about your psychological pain living with a narcissistic spouse or family member. It becomes clear that at times they don't believe you. They will impose their perspectives on to you and start blaming you for the pain that you are experiencing. The client feels hurt and confused. Narcissistic psychotherapists project their unconscious feelings and thoughts on to their clients. They are highly controlling. When you leave their office you feel you have been put down and demeaned. Many clients continue to blame themselves for the tact that they are not making progress--in fact they feel worse than they did before the start of the therapy. Actually this is not psychotherapy. It is the imposition of the narcissistic psychotherapist's will upon his/her client. If the person who has come for help is at a very low ebb this process can continue for some time. The client believes that the therapist is the authority and continues to attend sessions due to their desperation. They have always felt that they are wrong and defective. The further projection of these ideas on to the client victim reinforces their feelings of worthlessness. The client is paying to be punished by an incompetent, punitive narcissistic professional who is a fraud.

Protect yourself from narcissistic psychotherapists. Interview therapists very carefully in addition to checking their formal credentials. Pay close attention to how you feel in this person's presence. Is it welcoming, nonjudgmental and does it put you at ease. Does the therapist listen to you intently. You will have an intuitive sense that this individual possesses genuine empathy. Do you suspect a control or money issue in this individual? Does the therapist talk about himself during the session, take telephone calls, lack good eye contact, appear angry and irritated with you? Is the therapist gouging you for the sessions?

You will find a psychotherapist who is not narcissistic. Be willing to take time to interview several therapists and learn about the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Unempathic Psychotherapists

It doesn't matter how many degrees a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, counselor or psychoanalyst has on his or her walls. Completing internships and residences at the highest level institutions does not make an individual an excellent therapist. The degrees and licenses tell you that the person has complete a specific course of study and has passed the exams. You do not know what is deep inside this person until you start interacting with them. Even with excellent referrals, you may find that a therapist is competent but  his temperament and disposition is not the right fit for you.  

There are narcissistic psychotherapists who put on their act of treating clients. They are after the money and prestige badges. The pretend that they care about your psychological pain living with a narcissistic spouse or family member. It becomes clear that at times they don't believe you. They will impose their perspectives on to you and start blaming you for the pain that you are experiencing. The client feels hurt and confused. Narcissistic psychotherapists project their unconscious feelings and thoughts on to their clients. They are highly controlling. When you leave their office you feel you have been put down and demeaned. Many clients continue to blame themselves for the tact that they are not making progress--in fact they feel worse than they did before the start of the therapy. Actually this is not psychotherapy. It is the imposition of the narcissistic psychotherapist's will upon his/her client. If the person who has come for help is at a very low ebb this process can continue for some time. The client believes that the therapist is the authority and continues to attend sessions due to their desperation. They have always felt that they are wrong and defective. The further projection of these ideas on to the client victim reinforces their feelings of worthlessness. The client is paying to be punished by an incompetent, punitive narcissistic professional who is a fraud.

Protect yourself from narcissistic psychotherapists. Interview therapists very carefully in addition to checking their formal credentials. Pay close attention to how you feel in this person's presence. Is it welcoming, nonjudgmental and does it put you at ease. Does the therapist listen to you intently. You will have an intuitive sense that this individual possesses genuine empathy. Do you suspect a control or money issue in this individual? Does the therapist talk about himself during the session, take telephone calls, lack good eye contact, appear angry and irritated with you? Is the therapist gouging you for the sessions?

You will find a psychotherapist who is not narcissistic. Be willing to take time to interview several therapists and learn about the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Spouses Destroy Family Relationships

Narcissists are always pushing for the top---that usually means money and power for them and of course control over everyone, especially their spouses. They never have enough. If they are worth five million, they have to have ten or twenty or one hundred million. The quest is endless. They let the psychological blood flow as they march aggressively forward to get what they want despite whom it destroys. One of the most egregious situations occurs when a marriage to a narcissist turns ugly (and this is predictable) and the spouse's relationship to her family is destroyed by his innuendos, lies, gossip and treachery. I have seen this happen too many times. The narcissistic spouse uses his persuasive skills and clever lying to convince her parents that their daughter is a bad person, that she has deceived him and is irresponsible with their children. These scenarios have played out too many times when the truth has been turned upside down. There are men and women who are the objects of scorn and have been abandoned by their families of origin as a result of heinous lies told by the narcissistic spouse.The lesson here is to never put anything past a shameless, conscienceless narcissist. They go beyond the limits of human decency all of the time and get away with it. They leave the psychologically betrayed and abused spouse abandoned and traumatized. To protect yourself from the narcissistic personality, learn about this serious disorder. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Spouses Married to Narcissists---Step out of the Misery Role

There are many material perks to being married to a narcissist who is successful in his/her career. There is the image that you were chosen by this accomplished, bright, socially skilled person to be his partner. Many spouses are swept into this role. Eventually the dazzle and bling for many begins to fade and the person married to the narcissist recognizes the down side of this pseudo relationship. As you live with this person you recognize that he has a dark side that is selfish, cruel, cold, calculating, vindictive, exploitive, deceptive.  Many non-narcissistic spouses decide by default that they must live in misery with this individual. Some of them have grown up in narcissistic families as scapegoats and targets of chronic verbal abuse. They spent their childhoods being criticized, demeaned, humiliated and projected upon. They were blamed for things they never did. A narcissistic brother or sister was always able to convince the narcissistic parent that the victim was the perpetrator. Children growing up in this family constellation feel helpless, frightened and that they are unworthy of leading a happy life. They are always anticipating misery since that is what they known from the beginning. It is not unusual for these individuals to repeat the childhood pattern by marrying a narcissist.And the nightmare begins anew. The abuse is horrendous but familiar to them. They expected to be treated cruelly and dismissively. That is what they know. 

In many cases the non-narcissistic spouse wakes up and realizes that she/he has been play the part of the victim all of her life. She begins to feel that she deserves so much more: inner peace, affection, being understood and cherished, growth of her creative gifts. Eventually these victims discover that they are married to narcissistic personalities who are not going to change. But they are---They become more independent, begin to appreciate their individuality, participate in good psychotherapy and join support groups. They finally recognize that they are worth it---a valuable unique individual and step out of the Misery Role. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself  from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissists: Martyrs in Sackcloth---Endless Pity Parties

Covert narcissists are so clever that they fool most people. They are like skilled double agents, trained to the highest level. They present themselves as humble, self-effacing and lacking entitlement. They praise you excessively, telling your how attractive you are, how much you have accomplished. They admire you--"I could never have achieved what you have done. You are talented and brilliant and beautiful besides." These comments roll out of their mouths like watching your streaming breath on a cold winter night. They put you on the highest pedestal. They have never met anyone like you. They feel so lucky and are in awe.  Many women lap this up because the level of acting is high. Covert narcissists have their scripts down to every gesture and word nuance. They know when you are at your most vulnerable and take advantage with perfect timing.

If you become involved with a covert narcissist and something goes wrong--he/she is not getting everything he wants, he will play the martyr in sackcloth role. "I have given you myself unconditionally and look how you have hurt me. I can't take this kind of abuse." You might as well reverse these words because it is the covert narcissist who has eclipsed your life, made outrageous demands, who constantly lies, breaks promises and humiliates you. And then there is the pseudo self pity. "I thought my life had changed when I met you. You make things so hard for me. You are so demanding I can't stand it. You married me to get ahold of my money and leave me for someone else" There are too many pity parties to count. Some spouses and partners of covert narcissists feel guilty and believe that this person is the victim and that they must do everything they can (even if it disrupts their life horribly) to soothe and give in to the covert narcissist's bottomless "needs." These "needs" mean constant worship and adulation, jumping the minute he makes irrational demands, believing his chronic lies, returning for more verbal abuse, allowing him to exhaust your psychological and sometimes financial resources.

Take the time to learn how to quickly recognize the covert narcissist and to keep him out of your life. If he/she is part of your life now and you realize who this person really is, seriously think about severing this relationship. Take care of yourself first---the covert narcissist is only watching out for himself despite his sackcloth and ashes and endless pity parties. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

One Narcissist Causes Pain to an Entire Family

If you know the narcissistic personality disorder well, especially if you have divorced one of these individuals or been on the receiving end of a narcissistic parent, you know that this one person can cause extreme stress and psychological pain among the members of an entire family. Everyone surrounded by the narcissist's destructive traits---chronic lying, deception, betrayal, manipulation, exploitation, emotional sabotage---is highly aware of the severe damage that this highly pathological individual can wreak. Narcissists do not care who you are--a stranger, an acquaintance, a close family member, even a child. If you get in their way, they will intimidate, threaten and retaliate if you buck their wills of steel. Some family members make excuses for these horrific people. "Oh that's just the way he is---a perfectionist." But he is so bright and accomplished--cut him some slack." Really----I don't think so when this person is running roughshod over the minds, hearts and psyches of those closest to him. No one person has the right to invade your boundaries, demean you, humiliate you or taunt and terrorize you. I don't care what this individual has accomplished in the world, how much power he wields, or the size of his material largess.

We are at a time right now when narcissists are applauded because they are so driven---yes they move ahead trampling on everyone else. This is despicable behavior and will not be tolerated. Those who have suffered under this treacherous treatment write about the terrors and tortures they have endured under the sadism of one narcissist. This happens all of the time but most people remain unaware of the severe psychological and emotional damage this one highly disturbed person has caused. Become fully aware of the nature of the narcissistic personality psychopathology. Listen to those who have suffered under its iron boot and merciless treatment. If you have a havoc wreaking narcissist in your family, you may have to make a 180 turn away and sever the relationship. I know this can be difficult but remember this severe personality disorder does not change. The quality of your life--psychological, emotional, physical, spiritual--is invaluable. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com