In some dysfunctional families, mother and father are not narcissists. They want the best for their children but one or both of them make the mistake of allowing their first born daughter to control them from early on through her temper tantrums, battles of will, her sneering disregard and demeaning of her young siblings. In many instances the father has capitulated his power to the mother. Some of these mothers are psychologically weak, feel inadequate, tend to give in to stronger personalities. I know of several family constellations where the oldest narcissistic daughter is ruling the household by the age of four. Mother is so intimidated by her that there are no limits placed on her behavior. This budding narcissist is very willful and overwhelms her mother.
The first born narcissistic daughter is frequently cruel and brutal with her young siblings. She makes fun of them, telling them they are stupid. Mother does not correct her out of control child. She, the adult, is afraid to say anything because she fears a full screaming fit by her older daughter. I have seen younger siblings suffer horribly under the reign of terror of these narcissistic Queen Bees. These wars continue through adulthood with the parents bending to the will of their narcissistic, unempathic cruel, controlling daughter.
If you were in this stressful, demeaning role as the sibling of a narcissistic older sister, it is time to recognize that you deserve to be respected as an individual even if your parents are too psychologically weak to speak the truth---that their oldest daughter is a cruel narcissist. You may have to sever your relationship from your older sister. She is simply impossible and very toxic to you. The singular goal is to end this hurtful relationship to lead your own life. Free yourself to use all of your creative gifts, set your spontaneity loose, develop intimate emotional relationships,work toward achieving pychological wholeness and deep inner peace. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
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ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. You have just described my childhood! I'm 45 years old now, and STILL crave my sister's . . . what? Approval? Respect? Acknowledgment that I'm just as worthy and intelligent as she? I'm not even sure what. The odd thing is that the friends she has don't see that side to her. They don't see that although she is a talented artist and teacher with a degree in psychology (of all things!), to her own sister, she is demeaning and dismissive at best, and cruel at worst. Thank you so much for this post.
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