Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Narcissistic Rage-Bottomless and Devastating

If you have been on the receiving end of narcissistic rage, you keenly recall the incident(s). You vividly remember your stomach twisting in knots, your intestinal tract going into fight or flight mode, your mind swimming with thoughts---How do I get out of here? Am I going to be physically harmed? Will this verbal barrage ever stop? Will I ever have a moment of peace? The depth, range and destructive effects of narcissistic rage on its victims cannot be overestimated. I have communicated with many victims of volatile narcissistic rage. Some of these people grew up with a narcissistic parent and then married a narcissist. They are on psychological and emotional overload.They feel trapped in a vortex of helplessness. The narcissist has taken over their inner world as well as their outer life.

Children of narcissists who have been tormented by this traumatizing family background are particularly vulnerable to these rage attacks and the environment of fear and terror that it produces. They never feel safe, at peace,capable of letting down their guard. 

Narcissistic rage arises from early childhood, the remnants of unconscious feelings of helplessness, fear, worthlessness felt by the child who was forced to become a false self. He or she became a puppet of the parent(s) and was treated as the perfect reflection of mother and/or father. This child perceived himself as special beyond all measure, superior to everyone else, incapable of mistakes or error. Narcissists learn that they can make demands from others by controlling them with manipulation, intimidation and ferocity----vituperative rage. 

These primitive behaviors are emotionally and psychologically toxic to those who live with a narcissist. If you are married to a narcissist or have a clear sense that your partner is a narcissist, you have some options. You can stay married and cope with the narcissistic personality or you can decide to sever the relationship. This is complex and challenging. I communicate with individuals who have made the break and are now divorced from narcissistic spouses. Many report that it was a wise decision. Others struggle, thinking that the narcissist be different if they learn how to treat him with greater consideration. Ultimately, this doesn't work. Their personality structures are very fixed. Narcissists have no reason to change---they are getting everything they want and current society rewards them for their ferocious ruthlessness, extreme guile and intoxicating charm.

Become informed by studying the attributes, origins and dynamics of the narcissistic personality. Think wisely about the life you are leading. Let your intuition and acquired knowledge lead the way. Visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: and amazon kindle edition

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