Sunday, October 17, 2010

Say Goodbye to Narcissistic Abuse-Personal Experience

I had a relationship with a distant relative for some time whom I knew was a narcissist. His conversation --a one way street since  he was incapable of listening or caring about what some one else was thinking, centered around himself--his professional accomplishments, important people to whom he had access, his many trips to exotic shores, the way in which he impressed others with his extraordinary brilliance and  social skills. This self anointed monologue was in contrast to another type of communication. He would catch you off guard and begin to pick away, snipe, and grind down your self confidence. This didn't work with me because I always knew exactly what he was doing, the stark cruelty and viciousness of his manner and I saw him infrequently. But it was very unpleasant on those occasions. I am in communication with those who are challenged every day by the narcissist if they are spouses, children or siblings of these severe personality disorders. You deserve so much credit for your courage. Many of you have decided to leave the narcissist even though this can be complex. Children of narcissists work hard at healing from a parent who was so selfish and self absorbed that they never received the attention needed or the love and affection that is so necessary to a child. Many of these individuals receive good psychotherapy and work with the trauma of having to deal with a parent that was incapable of empathy, affection or the ability to accept their child as a s separate valuable individual. You can sever our ties with the narcissist and finally say goodbye to narcissistic abuse. Enlist the help of one or two very close friends whom you can trust completely. They will listen and be present for you. Study the narcissistic personality disorder in detail. Do not blame yourself when the narcissist makes accusations, is highly critical and cold. This is not about you; it's about him/her. You deserve to lead your own life, free of the narcissist. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: and amazon kindle edition

1 comment:

  1. thank you for this and leading me to Dr. Martinez-Lewi's site and book which I've ordered.

    In the process of recovery from narcissistic abuse and bullying as an adult from of all things--a narcisstic couple! I knew they were "N's" a long time ago but it wasn't until our Mother became ill in her last years and I took her in that they began attacking me on a regular basis - accusations about my motives, what I was doing with Mom's money, was I withholding their correspondence to her, etc. (they lived in another City).

    Unfortunately brother and sis-in-law here in town turned out to be bystanders/enablers/co-dependents and I ended up in many 4 against 1 scenarios when I was divorced, no life partner to help me defend myself and emotionally worn down from my Mother's care.

    Frankly did not understand what was happening at the time. . .started reading about bullying and then narcissism and finally NPD and it all clicked. Ended relationship with N couple early on but now, years later, finding validation from extended family members (not all, but one in particular) and am accepting/realizing role of the Bystanders (who are still emeshed with N Couple) and moving towards "no contact" with them also.

    Am so much happier now, focusing on wonderful children, friends, life partner, family who "get it" and no longer have to pretend "nothing happened" or pretend to care about, or spend time with the people who abused me.

    Truth = Freedom.

    Much thanks.