Those who suffer in marriages to narcissists are tied to their spouses by intricate knots. Many of them are too attached to the lifestyle to let go. They may despise their mate but they cannot give up the perks and comfort of financial stability, luxury and social prominence. Other spouses who are not leading lives at this material level, nevertheless, are convinced that this is their partner for life. Whenever they make up their minds to leave this abusive environment, they remind themselves of the "good times" they have spent with their partners and reverse themselves.This is part of the massive denial that the spouse of a narcissist uses to stay with her mate. Often the family backgrounds of these spouses is abusive and the partner experiences the repetition of maltreatment as "normal" and familiar. They have been accustomed since childhood to being on constant alert for blowups, violent scenes, neglect and verbal criticism.
Many spouses of narcissists get to the breaking point of recognizing that staying with this individual is injurious to their mental and physical health. They realize that they are imprisoned in the narcissist's delusions and controlled by someone who is cruel and ruthless---incapable of empathy or compassion.
The tie to the narcissist loosens as the partner recognizes that he or she is no longer willing to be treated in such an egregious manner. The wish to become free, to break this pathological bond becomes stronger.
Finally, many spouses make the decision to sever the relationship and to breathe the air of psychological freedom. Eventually they are grateful for taking this courageous step. Their lives belong to themselves. They are unencumbered by the lies, deceptions and cruelties of the narcissist. Finally, they feel the joy and exuberance that accompanies "being themselves", often for the first time in their lives. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyoulife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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