The narcissistic older sister is despised in her home by her victims, especially brothers and sisters. Her wretched cruelties from childhood cannot be counted. From the moment she was old enough, she screamed at the top of her lungs if she didn't get exactly what she wanted. She was checked and there was no medical condition; she was pronounced normal. Her parents complied with her demands. The louder and more irrational she became the more intimidated they felt and acted accordingly. Rather than recognizing that this young child was taking over their authority and that she was without any psychological boundaries, they continued to bend to her will. It is most unfortunate that this narcissistic autocrat didn't get clinical professional help in her earliest years. From the time she was little she bullied her younger brothers and/or sisters even as infants, pushing them down, pinching them, teasing them mercilessly, scaring them to death, calling them hurtful names---dumb, ugly, weak, stupid, etc. I know of family situations in which this reign of terror continues well into adulthood. The parents cower at their daughter's demands, are humiliated by her criticisms. They are afraid of her. She is the dictator and ruler over her parents. This family constellation is highly detrimental to her siblings. They are constantly psychologically abused by the narcissistic older sister. She threatened them in secret. They live in constant fear of her. The other children know that the parents will not stand up for them because this tyrannical daughter has them under her control and intimidation as well.
Children who grow up in these homes suffer horribly. Sometimes one or two siblings band together to protect one another. Often these kids fade into the background and spend a lot of their time away from home to avoid their explosive narcissistic sister. The parents are so consumed with their narcissistic daughter's constant demands and manipulations that they don't have time or energy to pay much attention to their other children. In fact they are no longer in charge and haven't been for a number of years.
Adult children raised in these pathological families finally recognize that their older sister is a severe narcissistic personality disorder. A real relationship with this person is not possible since she is incapable of being genuine or empathic. In many instances they sever their relationship from the narcissistic older sister and maintain their support of one another. It is difficult for some of the children to maintain a good relationship with the parents who are under the control of their narcissistic daughter. The children who keep a distance from the narcissistic older sister are wise. She takes every opportunity to cause chaos between her siblings and in their relationship with the parents.
The toxicity of the narcissist is so great that it is wise and psychologically healthy to keep your distance from them even if they are members of your family. If other siblings choose to associate with the tyrannical sister that is their decision. This is an opportunity for you to assert yourself and refuse to be the recipient of pernicious psychological and emotional abuse. Study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and Consultation
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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