Covert narcissists are a rare breed whom most people believe are fine human beings. While they are showing their spiritual bonafides and everyone is buying their story and heaping on praise, you are married to this impossible person. Very few outside of the family home ever find out how psychologically toxic the covert narcissist is.
Spouses are victims of narcissistic abuse--veiled threats to ruin your reputation, constant put downs and stunning humiliations, being told that you are at fault (when it is the narcissist who has made egregious mistakes), bout after bout of Vesuvian narcissistic rage. Some spouses feel that they deserve this horrendous treatment because they think little of themselves. They have been emotionally pummeled all of their lives and don't know the difference.
Others know that the marriage is a travesty, that they are suffering from serious symptoms of stress--They are maxed out with chronic headaches, free floating anxiety, hyper-vigilance, insomnia, intestinal discomforts and obsessive self doubt and lack of confidence.
Fortunately many of these victims finally acknowledge to themselves that they can no longer live in these dreadful, life draining circumstances. They want their psychological and physical health back and their stamina and finally, to return to themselves, their lives, their creative gifts, solitude and a promise of peace. Many sufferers of the convert narcissist study the literature and discover that they have been married to one of these severe personality disorders. Some are helped by quality psychotherapy, support groups and friends who are supportive and available at all times. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life