Friday, May 18, 2012

Never Underestimate Narcissist's Cunning

The narcissist is a restless human being. He/she is always seeking narcissistic supplies--those psychological foods that he must have in order to keep his ego sense of self fully inflated. On an unconscious level the narcissist suffers from feelings of inner emptiness. Rarely is a narcissist in touch with this part of himself/herself on a conscious level. The narcissist's defense mechanisms--his belief that he is superior to others, that he is perfect, that everyone is inferior to him, that he can control and manipulate anyone to achieve his grandiose goals for power and monetary gain. (Not all narcissists are materialistic but most of the "successful" ones are obsessed with acquiring material possessions and  monetary power as well as social connections that will smooth their pathway to power.

Those who marry narcissists are unaware of their cunning and secrecy. Because of their charm and capacity to "read" their spouses and know their weak spots, they are clever at knowing when you are vulnerable, exhausted, confused, feeling desperate. It is at these times in particular that their plans for how to control you further are hatched. One common scenario is that of the narcissistic spouse who marries a partner who is affluent due to their own professional success or is a member of a family that is prominent and wealthy. From the beginning the narcissistic spouse knows exactly how he will thread the needle, become indispensable to the in-laws, ingratiate himself to your siblings and become fully trusted in the family. It is from this false base of pseudo trust that the narcissist's begins his dirty work. If you genuinely trust a narcissistic spouse, be ready to be deceived, betrayed and taken for a very bumpy ride. I hear scenarios every day where the narcissistic spouse talked the innocent partner into taking over all of her financial affairs and appointing himself (or a close narcissistic confidente of his) to become executor and have power of attorney. This narcissist has done such a masterful job of  deluding your family members, he is believed and they relinquish their power to him. He is deemed the savior and bright light of the family.

In some cases the narcissist changes the family member's perceptions so completely that they turn against the non-narcissistic spouse. As the marriage crumbles and divorce is inevitable, the non narcissistic spouse is left, deserted and betrayed without the support of her family. To arm and protect yoursself from the cunning narcissist, visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book:Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

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