Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Narcissistic Smackdown---Destructive Narcissistic Rage

Have you been smack downed by a narcissist? Your spouse? ex-spouse? your narcissistic mother? narcissistic sister, narcissistic brother?

When you area the recipient of narcissistic rage, you are reeling from the impact. It's a  fist in the face that draws blood--big blood. Time after time as a child if you had narcissistic parents -mother or father or both--you were treated inhumanely. Every step you tried to take forward to define yourself was squelched by the blows of criticism, the digs, the talk behind your back of how stupid and inept you were. If you had a golden child in the family he or she was always compared as the person who was superior to you. The golden child treated you like a poor relation at best. Narcissistic golden children bully their brothers and sisters. They have free reign over the household. There are no limits for them. They are at the center of constant cascading adulation. .

Part of the narcissist's pathological psychic structure is his narcissistic rage. It is always bubbling beneath the surface. This rage is sure to be turned on you if you are living with the narcissist or have contact with him. Narcissistic verbal assaults with the full rage effect are unpredictable. They come out of the blue for no rational reason. When they come forth you have no place to hide, no secure safety net. You are on the high wire without a net. You are trapped in the presence of an omnipresent beast. If you are married to a narcissist how long are you willing or able to withstand these malicious assaults? Do you believe that you deserve them? Can you continue to ignore them while your nervous system becomes weakened and you are in constant fight or flight mode? What price will you pay with your life?

The narcissist is not going to change----ever. If change takes place you are the one who will drive it. If you are married to a narcissist, the severance from this pathological relationship can mean a tough divorce. For many who contact me this has been well worth the battle and the recovery of their lives.

Children of narcissistic mothers have a very difficult time severing the relationship. Many keep going back to the source of their pain. It is hard to admit that the person who carried you in the womb or who adopted you as an infant is highly disturbed and will never appreciate you as a separate person--no matter how hard you try. Some adult children of narcissists find that good professional psychotherapy is helpful to them in making a final separation from the narcissistic mother or father. They find other people--friends whom they trust and share their feelings who are present for them and available. This makes up for much of their residual pain. In recovery the child of the narcissist discovers many of their creative gifts that have been left dormant and were never encouraged.

You don't deserve to internalize primitive narcissistic rage. Keep telling yourself this and let it resonate deep in your mind and psyche. You deserve inner peace and the full use of your creative capacities and the love of special people in your life. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

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