Be Prepared Divorcing a Narcissistic Spouse

Many spouses wait years , even decades on a wild, treacherous ride with their narcissistic partner. As time passes they become more miserable, weary and wary about their marital partner. There are many rounds of couples therapy which do no good. In some cases the therapist sides with the narcissistic spouse and convinces you that you have the serious psychological problems that are causing problems with the marriage. Narcissists are so clever and such fine actors that they fool therapists with their charm and magnetism. After you have tried everything possible and are at a turning point, you make the decision to divorce your spouse.

I suggest you don't announce your decision until you are fully prepared for every aspect of this event. In some cases that are particularly acrimonious the spouse has her/his attorney get in touch with the other side. Choosing the right attorney is of utmost importance. It is wise to interview several lawyers who specialize in divorce and family law. Get good referrals from your close friends but remember that everyone is an individual. It is your decision alone. In addition to the professional skills, knowledge and expertise of the lawyer, consider his or her personality. This individual must have a keen sense of the nature of the narcissistic personality. You want a lawyer who is calm, competent and your loyal advocate at all times. The attorney needs to be quick at perceiving some new ruse the narcissist and his attorney have hatched to sabotage you. One plan is to wear you down so far emotionally and physically that you are not up for the challenge. Make sure you take very good care of yourself especially during this time. Get your sleep, take time to be quiet and calm each day through meditation, gentle yoga, exercise, journaling---what works best for you. This is your time. Take full advantage of it. Keep focused on your personal, creative and professional strengths. Know that you will prevail.Turn to a few friends whom you trust completely and allow yourself to be nurtured by them. Some spouses that brief psychotherapy during this time is highly supportive and informative. When you form a strong therapeutic alliance with an excellent therapist it can make a great difference in moving through this process. Interview several therapists if that is necessary.

Take the upper road but be keenly aware that the narcissist is a street fighter who hits below the belt and can get down and dirty. You already know this from being married to him/her. Don't be surprised at the outrageous lengths he will go to intimidate you or trap you or use a well hatched trick to take the financial assets that are lawfully yours. Protect your children by being tough and don't lose your cool. The narcissist want you off balance and out of control so he can show how disturbed you are. He/she will lie about you. Know that the people who are truly your friends know exactly who you are and the others who believe him must be dismissed.

Give yourself credit. You are about to become free after years of psychological imprisonment. Call upon the warrior inside of you, the one who knows exactly who this person is and also knows that you will prevail.
To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

You Can't Fix Your Narcissistic Mother

If you are the daughter of a narcissistic mother, you have worn yourself out, trying to make her different. She suffers from a severe, fixed personality disorder that does not change. Her lies, the terror that she inflicts, her psychological and emotional blows upon you are  unconscious projections of her self hatred. This is not about you; it's about her psychopathology.  Stop blaming yourself, if that's what you have been doing since you were a child. Free yourself of guilt.

If a brother or sister of yours has been treated since birth as a prince or princess, that's because mother chose them to mirror her belief that she is perfect. She aspired to create a clone of herself. Having a chosen brother or sister in the family makes life more painful. You were always compared with the perfect one and of course came up short. None of this is true but how could you have known when you were a small child. Now you know that this sibling is a full fledged narcissistic personality---another person you want to avoid and who has a complete lack of empathy.

We can heal and change our attitudes toward ourselves. We must develop self mercy and look at the small child inside of us who has suffered so much and soothe and give love to this little one. Great healing takes place by going into the calming mode in the nervous system. This is done in a variety of ways. Gentle yoga with emphasis on breathing through the nostrils brings a feeling of deep relaxation into the body/mind.
Cardiovascular exercise (what works for you) removes obsessive thinking and brings us to a state of peace.  Some people benefit from working with an excellent acupuncturist who facilitates your dropping down into the most restful state. Listening to calming music, sketching, journaling are all ways to switch us back to where we belong--in a state of rest and peace. In this inner place you leave all of your emotional pain behind. You are linked with a healing dynamic that we have within us. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Mothers Severely Destructive to Their Children

The narcissistic mother is cold, robotic, ruthless and cruel. She has no real feelings for her children except for the one who is most like her--the golden one. This is the special boy or girl whom she has picked as  a living god like a pharaoh. NMs live through these children who can do no wrong, who have no limits and are allowed to abuse their brothers and sisters without any consequences.

Unchosen children live in constant fear, apprehension, always waiting for the next catastrophe. Their nervous systems are always turned on the fight or flight syndrome.  They don't know what it means to feel safe. Many of them have horrible insomnia or night terrors. They worry that mother will come in and start screaming at them or even beating them. Secret punishments that cause humiliation and constant terror are meted out regularly. When you live with a narcissistic mother you exist in a kind of gulag. There is no escape; you feel helpless and alone and there is an enduring sense that this hell is never going to end.  Some children of narcissistic mothers feel deep inside that they are bad and defective human beings. "What have I done wrong?" What horrible things have I done to mom that she hates me so much? "I can't stop hearing her screaming in my ears?" "I get scared every night that she's coming in my room to hit me and then send me away. Where will I go?'

Every despicable word or deed you can imagine has been perpetrated by narcissistic mothers, especially if they are sociopathic. They are highly sadistic and smirk and smile when their children are most terrified by them. They love to shock even a small child just to watch the kind of power they have over him. They cram food down their throats, put them on hunger regimens, make them eat food that has spoiled, demand they  stand in their feces for hours. You name it, they've done it!.

The psychological impact of having a narcissistic mother is devastating. There are actually some people who don't believe these life stories. I say the hell with them. Don't give anyone who doesn't believe you the slightest attention. You know exactly what you have live through. There are so many people who are incapable of empathy. If it didn't happen to them, it doesn't exist. How narcissistic is that!

Adult children of narcissistic mothers can continue to suffer in the aftermath of their abuse. Many of them find healing by working with excellent psychotherapists, practicing healing modalities like gentle yoga with its emphasis on the slow breath through the nostrils, acupuncture can bring the quieting parasympathetic nervous system experience to those who have suffered this level of abuse. Many survivors of maternal narcissistic abuse find their way back to inner peace, the loving acceptance of their real selves and the activation of their creative gifts. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Sociopathics are Dangerous in the Workplace

The narcissistic sociopath has become more socially acceptable in our current society. The goal to "win" at all costs has become the mantra of our times. There is a distinct lack of conscience among many in the business world whether we are talking about large corporations, banking, finance, government projects, the defense industry, entertainment, media, etc. There are tremendous exceptions of individuals who are very successful in their careers who have a strong conscience, are highly competent and very ethical. We are fortunate that these people are part of our society today.

Once the narcissistic sociopath has gained sufficient power in a large corporation he builds fiefdoms that are under his absolute control. Some of these individuals  purposely become involved in intimate relationships with their superiors and those above them, to make sure that they are protected from any reprisals. The boss or super boss of the narcissistic sociopath is vulnerable to be extorted as a result of an intimate relationship with this person. There are instances in which the NS has video and listening devices set up in advance of the sexual liaison. He or she can hold this over the boss's head indefinitely. The NS can threaten to go to the wife or husband and blow the secret wide open. The NS plans to trap the boss or ultra boss so he can run the table and be free to do whatever he wants.

If you run across the narcissistic sociopath in your work environment, keep your distance if you can. You don't want to become involved with one of these individuals under any circumstances. If this person is a colleague, be polite and professional and go about your business. If he or she is your boss, then you have a decision to make. Eventually there is a chance this NS will want to get you involved in one of his unethical and illegal schemes. When this time comes, don't be surprised,  be prepared. You might want to work on a lateral transfer to another department. Make your plans--save your money to have in reserve. You might have to leave this job. It is not worth being under the thumb of a NS. These people are very destructive to everyone in their environment. Trust your intuition and listen to the voice inside that tells you that you are in the presence of a malevolent person, the narcissistic sociopath.  Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sing to Your Own Tune Not the Narcissist's

We all have music inside of us. It may be a small voice that calls from inside that is barely heard. It may be a swelling sound like a river held back too long that is bursting to go over its banks. When we are little many of us sing to ourselves and if we are fortunate, others share their voices with us. Song has been with us for thousands of years. It is a part of our nature. We were meant to move to rhythm and to hum and sing. Listen to very small children and you know that is part of who we are.  When we sing and give power to our voices, we are whole and free.

Those who are tied to the narcissist in a charade marriage narrow their chances of becoming the person they were meant to be.  The narcissist demands mirroring of him/her alone. He is the master; you are the follower.
He is always right--impeccable. You make all the mistakes. Every fine idea or creative endeavor evolves out of him, even when its origin is yours. You can never win with a narcissist. They may create a comfortable lifestyle that is consistent with your external goals but where is the heart of the narcissist. It can't be found. Narcissists are masters of pseudo empathy and caring when they have to play the part but once the drama is over and they have gotten exactly what they wanted, they revert back to their fits of rage, recriminations, constant lies and ruthlessness.

If you have had more than enough and can hear your own song in your head and it is getting louder and your intuition is messaging you frequently, pay attention. You are being told to make a decision, to take a different road, to activate yourself fully as an individual without limitations.  We come to this earth in our present form once only. Make this one count. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

You Deserve to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

The beginning of healing is recognizing that you are worthy and that you have unique value as an individual. This can be difficult for those who not only married narcissists but grew up with a narcissistic mother or father. From the beginning of life you were treated like an object or less. No one gave you the special attention you needed, even as a small child. Your basic physical needs may have been taken care of  (or not) but there was no emotional contact or understanding with the narcissistic parent. This person was so preoccupied to himself/herself  that you were invisible to them. In other cases you were the punching bag. The narcissistic parent was constantly enraged and you were conveniently there to receive the blows--the humiliations, criticisms, threats, intimidations. You can still remember the primal sounds of your narcissistic mother's screams; the way she looked at you with pure hatred. You felt yourself grow cold. Your intestines roiled inside. You thought you were going to die on the spot. Some children become emotionally frozen and feel numb. They learn to go into this state to protect themselves. Some narcissists parents have special sadistic punishments--putting you in a locked closet most of the day. There you sat and cried, unable to breathe, not knowing when you would be released. You felt terror roar throughout your body and mind. Finally you whimpered yourself to sleep. Some narcissistic parents treat their children like servants. Small children must clean the house, wash the clothing and wait on the narcissistic mother or father. There is no mercy behind the walls of this house. Those on the outside never know that this malevolent treatment is taking place.

You can and will heal from your narcissistic mother, father, spouse, sibling. One of the most significant roles here is in putting your healing first--make it a priority. You have been living in the fight or flight mode most of your life. It is essential that you begin to have experiences within your self that feel safe and calm. Each person finds his own pathway to healing. We take from different disciplines and practices. One that helps many people is the use of the breath to calm the body/mind. This can work through the practice of gentle hatha yoga poses with emphasis on the breath moving in and out of the nostrils. When we do a pose we are gentle with ourselves. There is no need to strain or push. There is nothing to attain. Be present with yourself and pay attention to your breath. If you are unfamiliar with yoga it might be helpful to find a class with a teacher who is skilled but also highly empathic and calm. True yoga is uncompetitive. It is a practice that has developed over thousands of years and is very effective for many in achieving greater calmness within the body and mind. Another method of treatment is acupuncture. This is not for everyone. Some people are afraid of needles (although they are very thin). Finding the right practitioner is very important. This is someone who is highly skilled and experienced and whose ego is dropped. Besides this, you want to see an acupuncturist who does not have a money motive but a healing motive in treating patients. Acupuncture treatments lead the patient to experience the parasympathetic nervous system, that part of us that is very calm and feels safe and protected. We rest in a deep security as we let go and ground with the experience.
Writing regularly for yourself alone is another form of healing from the narcissist. It frees up your mind and emotions. You are expressing feelings as you release them. There are no judgments to make as you write. It flows from you. Spending time with Nature is also very healing. We see the intricacies and beauty of the natural world and are amazed by them. Some people have small gardens and find that focusing in the present on their plants and flowers is part of their healing process. Meditation for some of those who are recovering can be a source of comfort, quieting the mind and focus. Do not be judgmental when you meditate. Meditation is not the absence of thought. It is the effort that matters the most, not the time you put in. One minute of meditation or prayer is invaluable. Some form of exercise releases body tensions and calms obsessive thinking. Choose what works for you. Find your own ways of healing. Trust yourself. You know so much about how to find you way back. The body/mind is always moving naturally toward healing. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

No Longer In Shadow of Narcissistic Sister

I hear from many sisters who were psychologically dismissed because they existed in the shadow of their older sister golden child. She was beautiful and bright. Everyone paid attention to her. Her birth was long awaited and she became the star of the family immediately. The narcissistic mother worshiped gorgeous Sis. Second sister Alyce  was not an extrovert. She was quiet and  intelligent. Alyce learned to survive by living in her older sister's  shadow. She  tried to imitate her manner of speech and gestures, thinking that she would be able to get her mother's attention and love if she succeeded. Instead Alyce was laughed at, demeaned and humiliated. The narcissistic mother who was psychologically fused with her older daughter would mimic Alyce, even in front of company. Alyce was so hurt that she ran to her room and cried uncontrollably. No one came upstairs to see how she was feeling. She knew that her mother and sister didn't care. They were too engrossed with one another and in mutual adoration mode. Alyce learned to keep very quiet and become invisible to this duo. She didn't have confidence in herself and hid in her studying and books. When Alyce left for college she was relieved to get away from the narcissistic abuse of her mother and older sister.

The psychological pain remained with Alyce. She found excuses not to visit the family on Holidays. After going through a rough period of depression, Alyce sought psychotherapy. She developed a strong therapeutic alliance with the therapist and worked through the process of grieving for the mother she never had and a sister that could do without her. It was difficult work. Alyce emerged emotionally stronger and steadier, more clear about her true identity as an individual and appreciative of her unique gifts. As time passed Alyce severed her relationship with her narcissistic mother and narcissistic sister.

She is no longer in the shadow of her narcissistic sister nor does she fear the disapproval and cruelty of her mother. She has gone through a process of personal transformation. Alyce feels free to move ahead with confidence and optimism about her present and future. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissist Style Has Taken Over

The narcissistic style is obsessive self involvement sprinkled with lack of empathy, compassion and doses of  of materialism and the need for external perfection. There are countless individuals who lead their lives with consideration for others and who will stop and help people they don't know. They provide comfort to their friends and are present and loving to their families and people whom they have never met before.

I am talking about what has happened to many individuals in the course of a decade or so. The narcissistic style is being highly rewarded by corporations, amid many social circles, in the media and entertainment.
Externals of face, body, figure, clothing, connections, glamour and youth are rewarded over kindness, consideration of others, thoughtfulness, empathy and deep awareness. It has become a Darwinian world. Many people are out strictly for themselves and brag about it with their constant self references of success, monetary gain and, with regard to parents, the perfection  and brilliance of their children.

Many individuals need to wake up and realize that some people lead very difficult if not impossible lives. They had it very rough as children. They were dismissed, abused, neglected, beaten, psychologically deprived, physically ill and poverty stricken. Never assume when you meet someone that they have not had a very painful background and that every moment of their life now is trying. I am sickened by the lack of sensitivity and awareness of those who have taken up the narcissistic style as a way of life. Learn to tune in to the other person before you start bragging about yourself and all of your achievements and monetary worth.  Keep still and listen and take the other person in. Then you will know what to say about yourself and when to keep quiet.

There are extraordinary human beings who are so empathic they restore your belief in the goodness of people. We need more of them. If you are one of these, appreciate yourself. Let your light shine. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists Have The Killer Instinct

The grandiose narcissist needs to have his/her ego constantly stroked. He knows how to reel people in. He plays to their dependency needs, material desires, their aspirations for wealth and power. He can take one look at a woman and know how to get her under his control. Many women fall for this master of charm with all the gilded promises. With a narcissist you are lead to believe that you life will be unlimited, that you can have every high and pleasurable experience you've ever wanted, that you will never have to worry about money, security, social status. You will always be royal. Woman with very successful careers and professions still fall for charming narcissistic men. They become entranced, hypnotized.

The sociopathic narcissist is several steps beyond his classic brother narcissist. He doesn't have a whiff of conscience. He is involved in illegal activities as part of his lifestyle. He secretly leads a number of lives and has a keen killer instinct. You get in his way and your life is toast. That is the force of his dangerous darkness. He may threaten you openly or keep his plans secret but watch out if you confront him. Those who go along with him are not leading their own lives. They stay there because of all the perks which are a constant distraction like a merry go round that is moving faster and faster. The giddiness of having anything you want is intoxicating.

Sociopathic narcissists are disastrous parents. They are incapable of forming any kind of relationship with them. Sometimes the child looks up to the father or mother because this person is very successful and powerful. Some narcissistic sociopaths choose one child to mirror him. He becomes the golden boy or girl and can do no wrong.

Sociopathic narcissists are psychological killers in business. They terrorize their rivals. They have close allies and partners that make the lives of their competitors a living hell. They step over ethical and legal boundaries all of the time and don't get caught because they have a coterie of killer instinct sociopathic lawyers.

When you decide to divorce a sociopathic narcissist, make your preparations secretly and take your time to do a lot of research. Take the time to do a lot of research and interview attorneys who understand the way these people tick. They are out for blood and will stop at nothing to win.  Find an attorney who is not intimidated in the slightest with these personalities, someone who remains calm when the long knives come out. Use all of your resources to get the support you need. Excellent psychotherapy can be very helpful during this time. Find friends that are available to support you and stick with this ordeal. You will prevail. Keep telling yourself that this is a marathon and you are up to the race and will cross the finish line with a smile on your face.  Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Ex-Spouses Psychologically Poison their Children

Remember that narcissists are without conscience or shame. They will never apologize for some horrible trauma they have caused you or your children. In fact, they blame every calamity on you. They twist the truth like a warm pretzel. Some spouses believe their lives because they have been brainwashed over the years by the narcissists. Others are immersed in the lifestyle that he/she  provides for them. There are too many trips, parties, lovely possessions, gifts and all the other distractions that keep them deluded by the fantasies of having what they want. They are like children in a candy store with unlimited amounts of money to buy every treat they can reach.

When the marriage disintegrates and the nasty divorce dance is over, there are the custody arrangements. These always seem to cause problems for the the ex-couple. With half and half custody the narcissistic e-spouse spends enough time with his/her children to psychologically poison them against the other parent. They tell outright lies to the point of describing an affair that the other spouse had. None of this is true. The children find  this information very alarming. What makes this even worse is the narcissistic ex-spouse swears the children to secrecy. Don't say a word; this is between you and me. Narcissists thrive on secrets. It makes them feel powerful. They control others with this mendacity. It pits one person against the other and weaken them. They are sadistic and love to watch others twist in the wind and lose their psychological footing.

Maintaining a loving, open, close relationship with your children is key to offsetting the psychological poison of the narcissistic ex-spouse. When the relationship is solid and loving, your children will tell you exactly what is going on when you are not in their presence. We only need one good loving parent or a parent surrogate.
Use your intuition and you will know what your ex-spouse is cooking up. You can smell the aromas of his
deceptive stew of lies. You have the drop on him. You know the truth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

 

Narcissists Don't Bother With Suffering of Others

Narcissists are obsessed with their own lives. If you fit into their their picture as part of an adoring audience that keeps their ego inflated, that works very well for them. There are followers who don't have an identity of their own and feel and believe (especially with high level narcissists) that they can participate in the glory, adulation and power of this other person. They psychologically fuse with the narcissist so completely that they are always finding ways to emulate him, to make him pleased, to serve him, to seek his approval, to be part of his elite inner circle. There are many sacrifices that the devotee make to achieve this purpose. The first being that you give up your own life to him (her). When you get older, are less attractive, have jowls beginning to show, there is an excellent chance that you will be dropped from his presence. Will he care that you have been run out of paradise. Will it disturb him (her) that you are having a financial or medical crisis and need his assistance. Absolutely not! Even if you have known him for decades.

Narcissists are bored by the suffering, difficulties, illnesses and tragedies of others. They give you a quick clipped message and that is the end of it. Your problems are a bother to the narcissist if you ask him for help. After all, the focus is his life not yours. Some narcissistic fathers and mothers are aggravated when their children become ill. They might tell this child that he or she is lying or exaggerating. The narcissist blames the child for becoming ill and tells the little one he or she is a weakling.

When you know a narcissist whether as part of your family or as a friend or acquaintance, have you noticed their complete disinterest in what you are experiencing in your life, especially if it is heartbreaking or tragic or a difficult protracted problem. Narcissists cannot process the suffering of others, even their spouses and children. The are completely insensitive to what you are feeling. They don't and won't understand your experiencing and are bored by it. They either play it all down or ignore you completely. Never think you can count on a narcissistic spouse or parent to come and stand by you when you are in emotional, psychological or physical pain. This state of yours is non-existent to them or it is an inconvenience or interruption in their plans. I have heard life stories of spouses who were very ill and had to call upon others to take them to the emergency room because the narcissistic spouse was too busy or away on a trip and incommunicado.

If a person cannot stop and  acknowledge that you are having a very difficult or impossible time with an illness, psychological problem, financial or family crisis, then he or she is not completely human. This individual is not worthy of your respect. Narcissists don't change so don't wait for the magical transformation. It is not going to happen.

You can change by recognizing your worth, your meaning and your creative gifts. Rediscover yourself by severing psychologically toxic relationships with narcissists. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Spouses Seek Revenge Taking a Pound of Your Flesh

Narcissistic Spouses Seek Revenge Taking A Pound of Your Flesh

Narcissists are always on the take. They are aggressive, unempathic, merciless and driven to get exactly what they want. If you have been married to one for years or decades, you must know that they don't care about your feelings. They are using you for their own purposes. Everyone in their lives is expendable. They can and will replace you. Narcissistic spouses wear you down to the nub. If you are emotionally and psychologically vulnerable, you are at particular risk.

If you want to stay in the narcissist's favor, you must mirror them perfectly. Regardless of how perfect you are and how well you follow their orders, it is never enough. If you cross them and become more independent, they seek revenge.  Since they don't have a conscience to slow them down, they go right for the jugular. They take their pound of your flesh. They kick you when you are down and take control of mutual financial assets. They know how to whisk them away in secret, leaving you vulnerable and at their mercy.

If you wait too long to divorce them and they have the upper hand, the narcissist holds the best cards. He slaps you when you are down. I know of situations of narcissistic husbands refusing to help a spouse who was physically ill. She had to drive herself to the hospital.

Narcissistic husbands and narcissistic wives out of revenge will work the mediators and courts to get custody of your children. They hire attorneys who are slick, hungry beasts. 

Arm yourself with research about the true nature of the narcissist. Recognize that this person cannot change. This is a fixed personality disorder. Don't be pulled back into the pseudo marriage by his empty promises and pitiful martyr performances. Be prepared for his tawdry act but know that he will seek revenge, get it and never look back. The narcissist is hard and cold, like a piece of stone.

Make your move to sever the relationship soon rather than later. You have courage and talents and your life ahead of you. Many before you have made this break and discovered that at the end of the tunnel there is freedom, inner peace and an expansion of your creative gifts. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sadistic Narcissistic Mothers Aim Knives at Your Heart

Some narcissistic mothers hated you before you were born. They didn't want children. They were obsessed with their careers and climbing to the very top. (Every woman who climbs to the top in her career is not a narcissist.)  This often includes finding a man that will be a reflection of their perfection. Narcissistic women often choose weak men whom they can completely control.

Narcissistic women have no substance, conscience, compassion or empathy. They are highly ambitious, very bright, exceedingly driven and determined to reach the pinnacles of power. Narcissistic women have children not because they are capable of love but to use as narcissistic supplies that will burnish their external image. They can say they have it all and can do it all. Their children are often taken care by babysitters and nannies from the beginning of their lives. Their children are narcissistic supplies, especially the kid that is chosen as the golden child. This child is claimed perfect from the beginning and often becomes a budding narcissist.

The worst narcissistic mothers are highly sadistic. They obtain pleasure from terrifying you. When you are a baby they startle you with their loud voice or allow the other children to pinch you and pretend that this is a funny game. Narcissists unconsciously despise themselves. They project their self hatred on to their children, especially those she has placed in the role of scapegoat. 

Some of the children of narcissistic mothers describe their childhoods as unbearable. They were constantly hanging on by an emotional thread waiting the moment of annihilation. Narcissistic mothers aim knives at your heart. They attempt to de-humanize you, to take away your integrity, to humiliate you. This works with some children who simply give up the fight and hide in the shadows and escape deep into their minds. Some children numb out and freeze their feelings. The very sensitive child feels his/her sadistic narcissistic mother's knife pointed at her heart. She is a child caught up in combat who feels her life psychologically endangered. The sadistic mother thrills at watching her child in primal terror. Now she has complete control over this person.

Keep your heart open, secure and free. As the adult child of a narcissistic mother you can heal. The process can take a long time. It requires consistent work and some adult children find healing through professional psychotherapy. Other strategies involve gentle hatha yoga, meditation in the form that works for you, finding emotional support from friends whom you trust. You can prevail and heal your psychological and emotional wounds and strengthen yourself. To learn about every facet of narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Siblings Are Small Tyrants That Get Bigger and Crueler gger

Narcissistic siblings do not change. As little children they already have become self entitled to the hilt. I remember visiting one of these dysfunctional families. It was startling. Soon after I arrived the parents' three year old was hitting her little brother mercilessly and landing punches. The parents said nothing to her. They finally "woke up" for a moment and in a frail voice the mother said: "Dear, that's not very nice." That's it.
I remember that the tiny she- devil demanded ice cream on the spot. She was a broken record. I was not able to converse with the parents because her voice rose when she didn't get what she wanted. She threw herself all over the furniture and finally started a frenzied dance on the coffee table. Mother ran to the kitchen and quickly appeared with a heaping bowl of ice cream. But that was not enough. She had to have some cherries on top. Mother ran back and got them. I was dumbfounded and almost screamed myself. I shortened my visit since it was impossible to communicate with these parents of a budding narcissist.

I got reports from other relatives and friends of the family that Angelica had gotten worse. Her brother was the constant target of physical and emotional abuse. The parents still did not intervene. It was as if they were afraid of the tyrant in their midst. Her demands and cruelties continued and became more serious. The little brother often hid in his room to avoid Angelica the Hun.  Surprising that she didn't have a collection of ancient swords in her bedroom.  I never returned to this house nor did I renew my acquaintance with this family. Many years later I was invited to daughter's wedding. Angelica was Bridezilla on steroids. Her maids of honor were criticized and psychologically beaten down and told exactly what they could do and not do. They were intimidated by the bride.This full grown narcissist was now running the entire family. Her brother was still traumatized from the years of abuse by her and obliviousness by the parents.
He fortunately moved away, married and had very little contact with the eternal Bridezilla.

If you have a narcissistic sibling, these life stories are no mystery to you. The question is: How much more are you going to take? Narcissists don't change. They  grow older and crueler. Learn to give priority to your own life, to your talents, your dreams, your personal relationships, your creativity. Research the true nature of the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Couples Build Picture Perfect Lives

Perception is everything to the narcissist. We are talking about the perfection of the external image that is shown to the world. Narcissists are incapable of introspection, self analysis, insight, compassion and a whole host of attributes that make a person human.

There are men and women who discover one another and fall for their mirror image. They are lost in the spell of its beauty and impeccability. The style, confident manner, social sophistication bring these two people together. The narcissistic pair have the same goals to make it in the material world, to become part of an elite group that is lionized and has special privileges. They worship indulgence and obsessively find pleasure in creating external environments of luxury and excess. The must always have the best. They are competitive with others in seeking more extravagance in their possessions, lifestyles and the company they keep. They are never satisfied and continue to climb.

There is nothing happening inside of these narcissists who have coupled. Their inner world is bleak, restless, empty. Beneath the surface, in the depths of the unconscious lies self loathing and feelings of worthlessness. They are overcompensating on the outside for what they do not have on the inside. Many people are impressed by successful narcissistic couples, especially if they don't recognize these individuals as highly pathological. In fact, they are entranced. They seek out their company and become followers and imitators of their mentors.

Look beyond the glitter, entourages, perfect environments, faces and bodies to recognize that there is nothing that these people have to offer you. Research the narcissistic personality and learn how they operate and what motivates them. Understand their duplicity and betrayals, the way they make other people's lives, intolerable. Take a simpler road away from the glitter and  sham they have created and sell as real. Listen to the truth inside of you and follow it. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Men Despise Independent Women

Narcissists control others with the back of their hand. They have learned this from childhood. Male narcissists were often controlled by their mothers. Momma, mom, mother---adored them to use as her puppet and her psychological partner. She chose her son over her husband. Some adult male narcissists report that mother comes to visit the family and in secret tells her son that she wants to go to dinner with him for a "date."  The narcissistic male is often psychologically possessed by his mother. Unconsciously he grows to hate her. There is always an ambivalence with mother,  a love/hate relationship. The male child cannot be free and is emasculated.

Ironically, narcissistic men love the chase and the seduction of women. If they are married they often have numerous affairs, even hidden children in the shadows. With each conquest they move on to the next. They never tire; they are hungry for more females they can conquer.  If they are powerful in the world and good looking and completely charming, they succeed on a superficial level. They are voracious in their need to seduce.

Narcissistic men despise women who are independently minded---those they cannot fool and know instantly who they really are. Some women are so astute that after a few flirtatious rounds they have picked up the scent of the narcissist and turn their heads away. The narcissist cannot have them, cannot bargain with them, cannot possess them. They are contained and control their own lives---they are psychologically independent women. Narcissistic men hate what they cannot own and control and abuse. The narcissistic man is never free of the mother who controls him even after her death.  She has put her imprint on his soul and it is indelible.

Narcissistic men despise all women and independent ones in particular. If you are in this category, celebrate. If you have been fooled by a narcissistic man (and that includes a lot of us) but now know who they really are, give yourself a hand. If you are just finding out that the man you are with is a narcissist, keep doing your research. It is worth the effort. There is a celebration ahead for you. Never stop digging for the truth.
Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Is Your Mother a Narcissistic Personality and a Histrionic Personality

There are cases in which a child has a mother that has a dual diagnosis. She is both a narcissistic personality and a histrionic personality disorder. The histrionic is noted by her compulsive need to be the center of attention at all times. She is given to fits of temper and is highly dramatic. These individuals are highly  impulsive and no one can predict their next exact behavior. They  disrupt parties, family gatherings and public events without batting an eye. That is how emotionally labile they are. Combined with the HPD diagnosis you have a narcissistic personality disorder. Completely self absorbed, lacking empathy, incapable of emotional intimacy, selfish, self centered, grandiose, manipulative, exploitative--that is at the core of the narcissistic personality. Being the child of this mother is extremely difficult. There is no emotional or psychological bond or security with this parent. The child is not cared for or cherished. She grows up without emotional attachment to the mother and her deepest needs to be cherished and treated as a unique individual are overlooked. Mother is too immersed in herself to pay appropriate attention to her son or daughter.

In many cases these mothers both histrionic and narcissistic unconsciously project their self hatred on to their children. They have no insight into themselves. These are fixed personalities and do not change.  If there is a loving responsible other parent, the child has a chance to go through the normal stages of development and become a stable individual.

If you now know that you mother was a dual diagnosis histrionic personality and narcissistic personality---don't blame yourself and begin to think she could have been any different through any of your interventions. You did not make her disturbed. She had a long history of psychopathology long before you came on the scene.  Other members of the family are likely to pressure you into believing that mom is normal, just a little eccentric. You know that "There she goes again" attitude. This is not true. Mother suffers from a dual diagnosis which is very serious. Children who survive these mothers psychologically are extraordinary and have great courage. Sometimes there are other family members who take on the role of surrogate parent and provide the child with much needed stability. Some children raise themselves, seeking the families of friends, learning to keep themselves together with their minds in solitude, study, art and other creative pursuits.

This is one of the most difficult maternal backgrounds. Give yourself tremendous credit. In many cases high quality psychotherapy can be very helpful. Be sure to interview several therapists to find one that is both clinically skilled, highly empathic and who is neither narcissistic nor histrionic. Take very good care of yourself. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi,Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

From Budding Narcissist to Adult Narcissistic Scourge

Many of you have had the experience of watching a narcissist grow from early childhood into adulthood. You heard the ear shattering tantrums, saw the parents make no attempt to get their "golden child" to behave. Their efforts were feeble because from the beginning he/she was never corrected for inconsiderate and boorish behavior. This child was considered special from the beginning--a little king or queen who was raised to the highest pinnacles. I have been astounded and chagrined by the outrageous behaviors of these chosen children. I have bitten my tongue sore in social situations to not say: "Make that brat behave. He is not the only one on  the face of the earth." "You are growing a monster who will come to hate you, exploit you and make the lives of others intolerable." But in social situations I have kept quiet in the past. Now I refuse these invitations. I would be watching a parent creating a mini monster who will grow into an abominable human being. Adults especially  parents make excuses for their unempathic, selfish, materialistic, cruel, sadistic children. And others in the family go along with the charade. After all this child is so bright and attractive, what could be wrong with him. He is excelling in school as he charms everyone. What else can a parent want? You as a member of this family are expected to believe this delusion and to adore the child as much as his parents. Beneath the surface, the budding narcissist, day by day is becoming more self obsessed, grabby about what he must have, more grandiose that he is superior to everyone else and cannot make mistakes. He lies impeccably to trick others and make fools of them. He intimidates his brothers and sisters who live in sheer terror of his footsteps. Mother and father are oblivious and reluctant to correct or criticize the little prince. He has become a  reflection of their perfection. They cannot be objective. The family image rides on the their son's perfect narcissistic facade. In the current societal climate today,narcissists are ruling. They get away with their treacheries because they exude confidence and are often very clever and forceful personalities that no one will buck them.

If a member of your family is a narcissist and you have known him/her since childhood----he is not going to change. Now as an adult he is a larger, more ingrained, more vicious facsimile of his younger self. In fact many narcissists become meaner with age, more duplicitous and malicious. Do you need this person in your life? Is it worth all the  hurt feelings, cruelties to be a part of this pathological drama. Ask yourself these questions and trust your inner response. You don't deserve this savage treatment. Learn about the inner workings of the narcissistic personality. This will help you in making discernments about the people you want to include in your life.  Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Mothers--All About Them All the Time

Being married to a narcissist, being the sister or brother of a narcissist, having a narcissistic mother or father or being the member of a total narcissistic family sucks the energy out of a person's life. No matter how you play it and under every circumstance--It is always about them--their looks, their homes, their holidays, their parties, their outward image, their financial successes, their victories over enemies, their seductions, their cruelties to the weak and vulnerable--- I am reminded of the words from Ecclesiastes: " Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher...all is vanity." One can add the word ego here to represent the overblown self absorption and exclusion of the feelings and entire lives of others when we speak of the narcissist's true nature.

With narcissists in one's family, little children are aware that the focus of attention was always on someone else, not them. They thought that was the way life went. There is a powerful figure a narcissistic mother who rules. She is always right and you are always wrong, stupid, slow, lazy, ugly, despicable, unworthy---name any derogatory word and that's what you were. Day and night these words were etched inside of your consciousness. You even drempt that mother was screaming them at you in your sleep. There was no way of escaping her verbal lashings. Often you believed her. What else could you do. You were a prisoner in her house of hell.

Besides the blatant abuse, the narcissistic mother is completely obsessed with  her life- her career, her looks, her social influence, financial security, the need to have anything she wanted. She put the attention on herself compulsively. She expected her children to adore her and to serve her. Some children of narcissistic mothers described themselves as full time servants--cooking, cleaning, washing, fetching, ironing clothes for mother so she could leave them for entire long nights by themselves. Even children as young as two or three  years old have been left alone to take care of themselves.

Some narcissistic mothers would throw a bottle in the crib of her screaming infant and slam the front door. Her only reservation and hope was that no neighbor would hear the baby crying and find her out. She would return late in the morning to find a child whimpering from sheer terror or exhaustion or passed out from crying all night long. These things do happen when children have narcissistic mothers. This is the epitome of "It's all about me." These are crimes against children. I believe they are unforgivable. I have heard too many life stories of these themes of extreme maternal deprivation and abuse.

It is time to recognize that maternal narcissistic abuse is occurring all of the time. We need to shine a bright light on it. If you have been a victim and have survived and are now living your own life in freedom, I applaud your ability to save yourself and to prevail. We begin by learning deeply about the nature of the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Leaving Narcissistic Family--Leading Your Life

Some individuals are surrounded by narcissists from birth--Imagine---narcissistic mother, narcissistic father, and narcissistic siblings sprinkled throughout the family pool. What a life challenge!  I have known of a number of adult children in narcissistic families who have survived and are now leading their lives in freedom. A narcissistic mother alone can be psychologically lethal. Those cold, dismissive women of deprivation who secretly (or not so secretly) despise their children are quite common. Little children in these circumstances usually don't know that they are being raised by highly deluded people. They are treated with various forms of cruelty. Some children are completely ignored. They have to even seek their own food wherever they can. Mother can't be bothered to provide regular meals for them. She is too busy obsessing with her image. The only time they receive any attention is when it is "showtime". This occurs when narcissistic mom is presenting herself as the perfect mother. There are the impeccable photographs of the perfect family. The children stand their with glued on smiles and empty frozen eyes. They are wearing their best clothing and mother has made sure that everyone she knows will have this picture of her family. She is the mother sublime, the selfless one who will do anything for her children. The opposite is true but no one knows because this is the secret kept within the walls of the house. Then there are narcissistic brothers and sisters that must be survived. That is another nightmare. They are forever bullying the scapegoated child and getting away with it. Often the father is very weak, like another child whom the narcissistic mother controls and possesses.

There comes a time of reckoning when children surrounded by narcissistic family members decide that they can no longer be part of this deluded, cold, cruel group of people to survive. Many of these children leave home early, find supportive friends, or simply strike out on their own. This is quite remarkable and these individuals deserve our deep respect. These are the courageous ones. We are inspired by these extraordinary people.

If you know that you are trapped in a narcissistic family and understand this psychopathology, you understand that these people are never going to change. You are different even though you share the same DNA. I have heard from many who have left their narcissistic families behind and are now leading their lives in psychological, mental and emotional freedom. They are using their creative gifts, discovering true friendships and re-starting their lives. Take heart---You can do this. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Love-Hate Relationships--Sons of Narcissistic Mothers

Sons of narcissistic mothers are possessed by them. Their lives are never their own. Thoughts and feelings of "mother" is always pulsing through their heads. They are never free of the narcissistic mother. She is always present even if she is physically absent. The son of a narcissistic mother has internalized this woman who "adores" him.  In many cases, he has been her psychological possession for his entire life. The icon Frank Lloyd Wright had a classic love-hate relationship with his mother. She called him "her prince". He maintained the relationship for most of his life and was extremely ambivalent about her. She was constantly meddling. She became an albatross for Wright. Frank was an incredible grandiose narcissist--highly talented but irresponsible, cruel, unempathic,and outrageous.

The narcissistic mother creates a false self of her son. She decides who he is and will become. If he is the golden child, he can do no wrong, does not develop a conscience, takes advantage of others, is merciless and cruel to others, treats even his family like dirt. These mothers emasculate their sons who end up having highly pathological relationships with women. They truly hate women even through they may be great flirts and womanizers.

Avoid marrying the narcissistic son of a narcissistic mother. You will be grateful that you have learned to recognize a narcissist. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Don't Let A Narcissistic Spouse Make You Sick

You deserve to keep yourself healthy, to be free of excess stress, to be able to relax, to think without interruption, to be treated with respect. If you are living with a narcissist this is not happening. You are in fight or flight mode day and night. You are constantly being interrupted by his (her) demands, threats, belittlings, swipes at your character, your looks, etc.

Your life is not your own when you share it with a narcissist. They are as demanding as a two year old having 24/7 tirades in a store, lying on the floor kicking and screaming. I know of narcissists who have put on these public displays. It is nauseating.

Take a good look at yourself. Appreciate who you are. The narcissist is not going to change---ever. Couples therapy does not work with these individuals because they are always right and you are always wrong.

Learn to take care of yourself. This may begin by thinking very carefully of severing your relationship permanently with the narcissist.

Develop healing practices--Eat balanced, healthy meals (slowly), exercise in the way that is best for you, do gentle healing movements like yoga with emphasis on the breath. Meditation for short periods of time can be very helpful in stilling the mind and helping to calm your nervous system.

It is time ---past time---- to pay attention to your needs, inspirations, creativity, new cycle of life that are coming your way. Learn to be kind to yourself. Pay attention to the wisest voice of all: Your Intuition.
To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlifecom

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers--You are Not Alone

When you are the daughter of a narcissistic mother you feel like you are screaming underwater and drowning at the same time. Many daughters don't realize for years the truth about this woman who projects hatred on to you daily. If you are scapegoated among the siblings, your childhood is exceedingly harsh. You are at the mercy of a sadistic, cold mother. On the outside there are acquaintances and friends of hers that think she is the best human being on the face of the earth. She is so devoted to her children despite her outside career. She works constantly on this external image to make sure that everyone knows how wonderful she is.
Inside the home she is monstrous. Many of the narcissistic mothers literally beat their children. They make sure that the marks won't show so there will be no obvious evidence of their cruelties. Other mothers try to annihilate their children mentally and emotionally. They pit one child against the other. They are cold and unexpressive. They never have a moment to speak to their daughter. They are always busy, rushing to work, spending evenings completely out of touch with their children. Some daughters idealize their mother as a way of surviving and keeping themselves protected from the truth of her nature. When we are little we must do what we have to for survival purposes.

There are daughters of narcissistic mothers who are always in conflict with her. They make efforts to stand up for themselves. But there is the narcissistic mother's revenge. These daughters then become a constant target of scorn, recriminations and threats. Mother promises that she will help her daughter go to college and at the last moment she pulls out, saying that she simply can't afford it. This is an all out lie. She has gotten her revenge. One of the reasons for the narcissistic mother's horrendous cruelties besides her own self hatred is that she is exceedingly jealous of her daughter. Often she picks one daughter whom she targets for the worst abuse. I have known these daughters and they have weathered horrible abuse--daily intimidations and humiliations. She constantly undermines this daughter, telling her that she is ugly, that she smells, that no one is really her friend, that they are pretending to like her, that no one will ever want to marry her, that she is not bright enough to go to college, that she has no talents and on and on---endlessly undermining this child.
There are daughters of narcissistic mothers that say: "enough" and leave their households early. This is very difficult but they find other family members who can be of some assistance. Sometimes families of their friends provide them with support. And then there are daughters that do it all on their own. They leave home, find a job, work hard, find ways to educate themselves and become independent.

Whatever stage of dealing with your narcissistic mother you are in, I congratulate your courage and fortitude. You know the truth. You are a fine human being. Your mother is a severe personality disorder. You have prevailed. You are free. Fly and glide like the Monarch butterflies who complete their migration over three generations and thousands of miles--so beautiful so determined, so wonderful.
To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Abandon their Families and Re-Invent Themselves

Narcissistic men (and women) cannot be parents. These men are too obsessed with themselves and their images.They act out with women, having multiple affairs, and children from these unions. They have no shame from their reprehensible behaviors.  If they have power in the world as high level executives, A- list entertainers--movie stars, etc or members of the social elite, they get away it.  These days , living in a narcissistic society, most people simply shrug about these matters. It is so pervasive. Others think that it is perfectly fine that this narcissistic man has put shame on his wife and especially his children. He is their father in name only. Psychologically, he has a severe personality disorder that is never going to change. Their is no motivation since he believes that he is perfect and everyone else falls into place on his side. In this current narcissistic social climate, highly placed individuals can get away with just about anything. 

After causing all of this trauma and distress to his ex-wife and children, he moves on to re-invent himself and burnish his image.  It is reprehensible that a famous narcissist with an endless group of followers and adorers is given "kudos" to move on with his life despite the horrendous psychological damage he has done.  

Study the narcissistic personality in-depth so that you don't become involved with one in a partnership or marriage. The narcissistic style ----"It's all about me!" --is becoming more normalized every day. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Don't Let Narcissistic Charmer Seduce You

Sexual, sensual chemistry is very powerful--if not overwhelming. In a moment we feel the magnetic pull race throughout out bodies and psyches. It is thrilling, compelling, riveting. Attraction on this level is primitive and does not retreat quietly. It is is force of human nature and evolution itself.  Narcissistic men know exactly how to tap into a woman's attraction to them. They have had so much practice in their lives they are masters of seduction. Most of us feel the first waves hit us hard. It feels to good we want it to go on forever. There will be moments when you mind awakens from the intoxication of this chemistry. There is a part of you that is wise and intuitive and knows who this man who sits so adoringly next to you. His eyes never leave you. Wake up and start watching his attempts at seducing you.

There is a strong intuitive sense of yourself that is protective, independent and insightful. If you pay close attention to the messages of your intuition you will hear a different tune than the one he is playing. It will be telling you that this guy is too good to be true, that he is after you for a reason of his own. Some of these fellows want to possess you, like a lovely object, a jewel that they wear so that they can be admired by everyone. Others seek complete control of your mind, psyche and heart.

Narcissistic players don't give up easily if they want you for a living narcissistic supply. They will send dozens of flowers to your office or home at unexpected times. They will present you with lavish gifts. They understand just what language notes to play with you to bring you closer and keep you in their aura.

Once you understand that this man is a narcissistic personality, make your exit. You don't owe him an explanation. Go complete no contact. Don't worry he will find someone else. In fact he is probably juggling several women at once. There is no point in compromising or dancing around with this man. The best strategy is to not get started with him in the first place. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Never Stop Lying

There are outright lies told convincingly to your face. Spouses of narcissists discover sometimes after decades that their husband has been lying to them about all manner of things: finances, affairs, illegitimate children, stealing assets, etc. during your entire marriage. For the narcissist, lying is like breathing. Lies come out of their mouths automatically. They are convenient. It makes the narcissist feel in complete control. Narcissists don't develop a conscience so it is not pricked when they speak falsely. Then, there are their lies of omission. They haven't told you about investments they have made with your joint assets. Some narcissists are secret gamblers. They win and lose. They disappear and make excuses that the spouse believes. They are known for their many affairs. They can hardly step out the door without flirting with some attractive woman with the purpose of seducing her as quickly as possible. Narcissists have so many excuses that they get away with their lies, especially if they are married to a woman who adores them and is willing to put up with them. 

If you lead your life with the truth, don't marry a narcissist. If you are a person of integrity and seek the truth and are married to a narcissist, you have a decision to make. You can stay in the relationship and overlook your spouse's horribly flawed character or you can make move forward to sever the bond and get a divorce. This process can be arduous  but it  can be done. There are many women (and men) who have decided they will no longer share their lives with  a deceitful person they cannot trust. There is no true bond here, no emotional intimacy, no trust. And ---You can't change a narcissist. They believe they are perfect, find lying to be natural and necessary and essential to worldly success. If you are a person of integrity, you will find it very difficult to remain in a relationship filled with betrayals and perfidies. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com