With narcissists in one's family, little children are aware that the focus of attention was always on someone else, not them. They thought that was the way life went. There is a powerful figure a narcissistic mother who rules. She is always right and you are always wrong, stupid, slow, lazy, ugly, despicable, unworthy---name any derogatory word and that's what you were. Day and night these words were etched inside of your consciousness. You even drempt that mother was screaming them at you in your sleep. There was no way of escaping her verbal lashings. Often you believed her. What else could you do. You were a prisoner in her house of hell.
Besides the blatant abuse, the narcissistic mother is completely obsessed with her life- her career, her looks, her social influence, financial security, the need to have anything she wanted. She put the attention on herself compulsively. She expected her children to adore her and to serve her. Some children of narcissistic mothers described themselves as full time servants--cooking, cleaning, washing, fetching, ironing clothes for mother so she could leave them for entire long nights by themselves. Even children as young as two or three years old have been left alone to take care of themselves.
Some narcissistic mothers would throw a bottle in the crib of her screaming infant and slam the front door. Her only reservation and hope was that no neighbor would hear the baby crying and find her out. She would return late in the morning to find a child whimpering from sheer terror or exhaustion or passed out from crying all night long. These things do happen when children have narcissistic mothers. This is the epitome of "It's all about me." These are crimes against children. I believe they are unforgivable. I have heard too many life stories of these themes of extreme maternal deprivation and abuse.
It is time to recognize that maternal narcissistic abuse is occurring all of the time. We need to shine a bright light on it. If you have been a victim and have survived and are now living your own life in freedom, I applaud your ability to save yourself and to prevail. We begin by learning deeply about the nature of the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life