Tuesday, October 30, 2012

You Can't Fix Your Narcissistic Mother

If you are the daughter of a narcissistic mother, you have worn yourself out, trying to make her different. She suffers from a severe, fixed personality disorder that does not change. Her lies, the terror that she inflicts, her psychological and emotional blows upon you are  unconscious projections of her self hatred. This is not about you; it's about her psychopathology.  Stop blaming yourself, if that's what you have been doing since you were a child. Free yourself of guilt.

If a brother or sister of yours has been treated since birth as a prince or princess, that's because mother chose them to mirror her belief that she is perfect. She aspired to create a clone of herself. Having a chosen brother or sister in the family makes life more painful. You were always compared with the perfect one and of course came up short. None of this is true but how could you have known when you were a small child. Now you know that this sibling is a full fledged narcissistic personality---another person you want to avoid and who has a complete lack of empathy.

We can heal and change our attitudes toward ourselves. We must develop self mercy and look at the small child inside of us who has suffered so much and soothe and give love to this little one. Great healing takes place by going into the calming mode in the nervous system. This is done in a variety of ways. Gentle yoga with emphasis on breathing through the nostrils brings a feeling of deep relaxation into the body/mind.
Cardiovascular exercise (what works for you) removes obsessive thinking and brings us to a state of peace.  Some people benefit from working with an excellent acupuncturist who facilitates your dropping down into the most restful state. Listening to calming music, sketching, journaling are all ways to switch us back to where we belong--in a state of rest and peace. In this inner place you leave all of your emotional pain behind. You are linked with a healing dynamic that we have within us. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

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