I have communicated with many women who have been subjected to severe chronic verbal abuse from their narcissistic husbands. Surprisingly a number of these women are willing to tolerate these verbal bombardments on a regular basis. Narcissists scream right into your face. They threaten with their gestures. They lose control of themselves and fulminate with nasty words and accusations. Spouses are constantly tip-toeing around their narcissistic partners. When I ask some of these victims why they continue to put up with this brutal treatment, they suddenly underplay the effect it is having on them. "Oh, He just goes off once in a while." "He's like a little kid; I know how to quiet him down." "He was in one of his moods; it won't last forever." (There are many verbally abusive narcissistic wives).
When someone is continually screaming, raging, accusing and demeaning you, it takes a tremendous toll on your body, mind and psyche. These irrational eruptions course through the body which is placed in a state of terror and hypervigilence. The spouse always wonders when the next blowup is going to happen. He or she cannot let down for a moment---even when they try to sleep. For many it is reminiscent of a childhood in a highly dysfunctional, emotionally chaotic home with parents detesting one another, arguing constantly, spitting out their hatred of each other, spreading misery throughout the household on to the children. We can become so accustomed to abuse that we expect it. It's what we know and understand. Our sense of reality and expectations about life can be deeply colored by the verbal abuse to which we were exposed as children and then again as adults.
No one deserves to be treated with such vile cruelty, terror and disrespect. The narcissistic personality is never going to stop his or her verbal abuse, screaming, accusations and in your face threats. If you are the victim in this marriage with a narcissist, learn everything you can about this personality disorder. If you are under continuous stress as a result of sharing your life with a narcissist, you can benefit from quality psychotherapy to help you clarify your need to justify and remain a victim of verbal abuse. You can change your sense of self and feel entitled to and worthy of living in a psychologically healthy environment where you feel at peace and are appreciated as an individual---free to be genuine, spontaneous and loving. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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