Daughters of narcissistic mothers communicate with me and describe their unique psychological pain and emotional dilemmas. Although they recognize that they were emotionally abused and deprived by their narcissistic mothers, they feel obligated to "fix" them. Sadly, many of these daughters believe that if they change themselves and become a perfect mirror for mother, she will appreciate and value them. Some daughters go back and forth between despising their mothers, feeling sorry for them and blaming themselves for not having a meaningful relationship. The truth about narcissistic mothers is painful. Some of them do their best by providing their daughters with material and educational advantages. Other narcissistic mothers want their daughters to fail, are jealous of their relationship with the father or other family members. This can happen with a daughter who particularly strong temperamentally and has a mind of her own. The narcissistic mother in these cases does everything she can to break her daughter's spirit. Another daughter in the family who is willing to play servant to the queen mother may have an easier time growing up but she has paid a very high price---her authenticity.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers are continually working to recognize and value their true selves and give honor and respect to their uniqueness. After working hard to separate themselves psychologically from the narcissistic mother, they are free to develop their creative gifts, to use their drive to succeed on their own without the psychological baggage of always trying to please mother. It is surprising how deeply they feel and care about others. They are now in touch with their own feelings and thoughts--not mother's. The self develops over a lifetime. We are a work in progress---a masterpiece in the making---always in the dynamic state of becoming. The self contually evolves, sends out vibrant shoots that grow every day with our efforts. We keep an eye on activating as much of our potential as possible. At the same time, we live fully and freely, savoring this moment. Visit my website: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition