Friday, September 24, 2010

DeTox from the Narcissist in Your Life

Narcissists poison the wells of our humanity. They are highly touted and feted in current society. As they grow in numbers and gain more status and monetary heft in the world, remember that there are ways for you to protect yourself from narcissistic personalities. I communicate with many individuals who have been involved with and married to narcissists, are children of narcissists and are associated with narcissists in business. Their life stories speak of great emotional and psychological pain (often intolerable) that has been and is perpetrated on them by narcissistic personalities.

There are a series of steps you can take to protect yourself and continue to grow as a solid individual. It is invaluable to do research and study all facets of the narcissistic personality disorder. Many people still believe that these people are a bit self absorbed, somewhat selfish, vain and  manipulative at times. That is untrue. Narcissistic personality disorder is a serious personality disturbance. It begins when a child is very young. He or she is often molded by the parent(s) to be recognized as the perfect child, the crowning achievement of the parent's greatest ego yearnings. As a result the budding narcissist never learns to consider the needs, pain or individuality of another human being. He or she is left to do whatever they want. There are no restrictions on this child and the parents ignore the many cruelties that young narcissists perpetrate on their siblings and school mates. The narcissist does not develop a conscience. Everything is based on expediency--"What must I have to win?" This is the essential question. Everything else---feelings of others, emotional harm, humiliations and cruelties are not real for the narcissist. Being at the top, succeeding, pushing others aside are all part of the narcissist's style of dealing with fellow human beings. He views them as objects that he can use to achieve his goals. They are as disposable as some worthless inanimate object. When they no longer function to enhance the narcissist's hunger for ego supplies, they are permanently exiled as part of the perfect external image the narcissist has created.

If you have been involved with a narcissist in any role---especially if you have been married to or are partnered with a narcissist or are the child of a narcissist, it is time to detoxify and heal from this unholy union. These are some steps you can take to recovery:
1. Keep a psychological distance from the narcissist. In some instances it is necessary to also maintain a physical separation from these toxic individuals.
2. Build a solid self that sees clearly through the narcissist's delusion.
3. Get in touch with the calming, healing part of yourself through modalities such as gentle yoga and meditation that increase the power of the relaxation response, quiet the nervous system and provide you with a steady sense of internal emotional and psychological well being.
4.Develop and practice new routines that make you stronger on every level: physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Cardiovascular exercise (what works best for you) makes the body structure strong and strengthens the immune system. Find routines that promote inner peace. This can be special reading, creative work, independent study of subjects that you love, spending more time with Nature.
5.Make decisions based on what you value most and what is in your best interest on every level. You will feel yourself changing gradually, becoming more expanded, at peace, engaged creatively, and spiritually progressing---in whatever way you define this concept.
To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder and how you can achieve the wholeness and peace that you deserve, visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: and amazon kindle edition

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