I hear from many sisters who were psychologically dismissed because they existed in the shadow of their older sister golden child. She was beautiful and bright. Everyone paid attention to her. Her birth was long awaited and she became the star of the family immediately. The narcissistic mother worshiped gorgeous Sis. Second sister Alyce was not an extrovert. She was quiet and intelligent. Alyce learned to survive by living in her older sister's shadow. She tried to imitate her manner of speech and gestures, thinking that she would be able to get her mother's attention and love if she succeeded. Instead Alyce was laughed at, demeaned and humiliated. The narcissistic mother who was psychologically fused with her older daughter would mimic Alyce, even in front of company. Alyce was so hurt that she ran to her room and cried uncontrollably. No one came upstairs to see how she was feeling. She knew that her mother and sister didn't care. They were too engrossed with one another and in mutual adoration mode. Alyce learned to keep very quiet and become invisible to this duo. She didn't have confidence in herself and hid in her studying and books. When Alyce left for college she was relieved to get away from the narcissistic abuse of her mother and older sister.
The psychological pain remained with Alyce. She found excuses not to visit the family on Holidays. After going through a rough period of depression, Alyce sought psychotherapy. She developed a strong therapeutic alliance with the therapist and worked through the process of grieving for the mother she never had and a sister that could do without her. It was difficult work. Alyce emerged emotionally stronger and steadier, more clear about her true identity as an individual and appreciative of her unique gifts. As time passed Alyce severed her relationship with her narcissistic mother and narcissistic sister.
She is no longer in the shadow of her narcissistic sister nor does she fear the disapproval and cruelty of her mother. She has gone through a process of personal transformation. Alyce feels free to move ahead with confidence and optimism about her present and future. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life