Some narcissistic mothers hated you before you were born. They didn't want children. They were obsessed with their careers and climbing to the very top. (Every woman who climbs to the top in her career is not a narcissist.) This often includes finding a man that will be a reflection of their perfection. Narcissistic women often choose weak men whom they can completely control.
Narcissistic women have no substance, conscience, compassion or empathy. They are highly ambitious, very bright, exceedingly driven and determined to reach the pinnacles of power. Narcissistic women have children not because they are capable of love but to use as narcissistic supplies that will burnish their external image. They can say they have it all and can do it all. Their children are often taken care by babysitters and nannies from the beginning of their lives. Their children are narcissistic supplies, especially the kid that is chosen as the golden child. This child is claimed perfect from the beginning and often becomes a budding narcissist.
The worst narcissistic mothers are highly sadistic. They obtain pleasure from terrifying you. When you are a baby they startle you with their loud voice or allow the other children to pinch you and pretend that this is a funny game. Narcissists unconsciously despise themselves. They project their self hatred on to their children, especially those she has placed in the role of scapegoat.
Some of the children of narcissistic mothers describe their childhoods as unbearable. They were constantly hanging on by an emotional thread waiting the moment of annihilation. Narcissistic mothers aim knives at your heart. They attempt to de-humanize you, to take away your integrity, to humiliate you. This works with some children who simply give up the fight and hide in the shadows and escape deep into their minds. Some children numb out and freeze their feelings. The very sensitive child feels his/her sadistic narcissistic mother's knife pointed at her heart. She is a child caught up in combat who feels her life psychologically endangered. The sadistic mother thrills at watching her child in primal terror. Now she has complete control over this person.
Keep your heart open, secure and free. As the adult child of a narcissistic mother you can heal. The process can take a long time. It requires consistent work and some adult children find healing through professional psychotherapy. Other strategies involve gentle hatha yoga, meditation in the form that works for you, finding emotional support from friends whom you trust. You can prevail and heal your psychological and emotional wounds and strengthen yourself. To learn about every facet of narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life