Friday, November 26, 2010

Spouses of Narcissists-Let Your Light Shine

I am in communication with many spouses who are struggling and suffering in their relationships with narcissistic spouses. Some of them knew before they got married that their prospective mate had some serious psychological issues but they just couldn't put their finger on it. They were swept up with the charm, magnetism and sexual chemistry of the moment. They believed that all of these portents of problems would dissolve once they were married. Everything would right itself with their mutual love. You know if you are married to a narcissist that this is not the case. Narcissistic traits are immutable. They do not seek professional help and if they are roped into it, they will sabotage the therapy either by using their winning personality to fool the therapist (Yes, this does happen quite often) or by pretending to participate and then leaving the therapy. Why should a narcissist subject himself/herself to psychotherapy---These individuals believe they are perfect. It is the partner who is carrying all of the pathology, not them.

If you are coping with a narcissistic spouse, despite everything, let you light shine. You can achieve this in  variety of ways. First, maintain your physical health and strength through good nutrition and exercise. Find a practice that helps you to calm yourself. This can be a form of meditation, visualization, journaling (make sure that this is private-for your eyes only) gentle hatha yoga. A really devoted friend whom you can trust without exception and who will listen is of great support. Explore in your mind your many gifts. Expand your consciousness and recognize that you are a talented, valuable, empathic human being. You have a life that is separate from your spouse. Many individuals discover gifts, talents and capacities they didn't realize they had. Human beings are by nature creative. You possibly have a decision to make about staying in your marriage to a narcissist. The tendency for them is to try to eclipse our lives. You cannot let anyone do that to you. In some cases, the non-narcissistic spouse decides that he/she must sever the relationship in order to preserve their sense of self and to lead the life that they deserve. You are growing and learning. The narcissist is not going to change-----ever! So let your light shine brightly like the planet Jupiter we see each night in the autumn skies. Visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: and amazon kindle edition

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