Monday, November 29, 2010

Narcissistic Siblings-Secret Cruelties-Hair Raising Terrors

The psychological pain that can lead to post traumatic stress suffered by those who grow up with narcissistic siblings is often overlooked. No one will talk about it. If the mother is a narcissist and raising a golden boy or girl or one of each her focus is on the molding a perfect clone of herself.  This child is a living gift to the parent(s) and the world. Day by day golden children are never corrected for their misdeeds, lack of conscience or physical and verbal abuse. "Mother always made excuses for my sister, no matter how mean she was to me and the other children." "There were so many scary ways my sister threatened me. She used to lock me in the closet when mom wasn't home---sometimes for hours because I refused to respond to one of her demands."  "My older sister knew I was petrified of the dark. At night she turned off all the lights in my room and would come in and make animal noises and taunt me. She knelt beside my bed and whispered in my ear: "if you make a sound I'll come back in the middle of the night and scare you to death." This imposition of terror by the narcissistic child is not uncommon in these families. The narcissistic parent either ignores or writes off the non-narcissistic children. They are treated like inanimate objects or the continuous target of verbal abuse, humiliations, false acquisitions, name calling  and shaming. The narcissistic mother may even join forces and lead the cruel bombardments and threats. This behavior is highly sadistic and many victims of narcissistic sibling abuse suffer from psychological trauma years after these cruelties are perpetrated. The more chronic and violent the verbal and physical abuse is the greater the chance of the scapegoated child for development of post traumatic stress. Very  young defenseless children are more inclined to be severely traumatized by persistent sibling bullying. These terrors are perpetrated in secrecy which makes their aftereffects long lasting and deeply etched on the growing psyche.

Those who are recovering from the cruelties and personal transgressions of narcissistic siblings, often learn that they must sever their relationship with these toxic individuals. In many cases this means ending contact with the narcissistic parent as well. Some victims work with and heal their psychological wounds in psychotherapy. Others process their traumas through a combination of modalities: meditation, yoga, journaling, prayer, support groups. Never underestimate the emotional and psychological damage a narcissistic sibling can perpetrate upon his/her brother or sister. Know that you can heal by learning about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder and recognizing that you are a valuable separate human being who has unique gifts, talents and intrinsic value just the way you are. Visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: and amazon kindle edition

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