Friday, May 16, 2014

You Can't Fix A Narcissistic Mother

If you are the daughter of a narcissistic mother, you have worn
yourself out, trying to make her different. She suffers from a severe,
fixed personality disorder that does not change. Her lies, the terror
that she inflicts, her psychological and emotional blows upon you are
unconscious projections of her self hatred. This is not about you; it's
about her psychopathology.  Stop blaming yourself, if that's what you
have been doing since you were a child. Free yourself of guilt.
If a brother or sister of yours has been treated since birth as a prince
or princess, that's because mother chose them to mirror her belief that
she is perfect. She aspired to create a clone of herself. Having a
chosen brother or sister in the family makes life more painful. You were
always compared with the perfect one and of course came up short. None
of this is true but how could you have known when you were a small
child. Now you know that this sibling is a full fledged narcissistic
personality---another person you want to avoid and who has a complete
lack of empathy.

We can heal and change our attitudes toward ourselves. We must develop self mercy and look at the small child inside of us who has suffered so much and soothe and give love to this
little one. Great healing takes place by going into the calming mode in the nervous system. This is done in a variety of ways. Gentle yoga with emphasis on breathing through the nostrils brings a feeling of deep
relaxation into the body/mind. Cardiovascular exercise (what works
for you) removes obsessive thinking and brings us to a state of peace. Some people benefit from working with an excellent acupuncturist who facilitates your dropping down into the most restful state. Listening to
calming music, sketching, journaling are all ways to switch us back to
where you belong--in  a state of rest and peace.


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