The narcissist is never straight or true. He is programed to be deceitful. He or she betrays others in this way so smoothly that most people don't have a hint that they have been compromised. The narcissist deceives without conscience or concern for the welfare of anyone but himself. Deceit in the narcissist is what psychoanalysts call ego syntonic, meaning that it is experienced as normal and natural to this individual. Most of us feel uncomfortable and very guilty when we trick someone for the purpose of our personal gain. We feel guilty and ashamed. This is not part of the narcissist's personality structure. The need to be truthful and go by the rules is absent in these individuals. They seek a direct route to their goals and if that includes the manipulation and deception of others, so be it. He can always make excuses later, meaning adding to the lies is easy and natural to him. A high level narcissist is skilled at keeping his "stories" straight. He piles lie upon lie and is so convincing that his victims buy the explanations. One of the ways that narcissists get away with multiple deceits is by making big promises and creating grandiose visions for their partners and other members of the golden circle. Even when a narcissist gets caught, he continues to lie and use subterfuge to protect his public image. After all of his destructive behaviors that have harmed so many, including his children and spouses, the narcissist continues to have followers who still come to his defense. In extreme cases, where the marriage has dissolved, there are instances in which the narcissist turned his previous spouse's family against the victim. That's how diabolically masterful the narcissist is at the art of deception.
When you can no longer be lied to every day, when you are exhausted from the deceitful manipulations perpetrated upon you and your children and disgusted with being forced to live someone else's life script, you can decide to stay and compromise or you can move toward a final severing of the partnership or marriage.
I hear from many individuals who took this final step. They report that the struggle to be free was worth the ordeal. They are at peace with their decision and would never return to life with a narcissist despite the heady promises. They have reclaimed themselves, are growing, separating and individuating, nourishing their creative gifts and finding a peaceful refuge inside themselves. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition