Surviving the Tragic Narcissistic Family

Narcissistic members of families don't recognize that they are creating a living tragedy for their children. The lack insight and empathy--those qualities which make us human and humane. Living as a false self who is so filled with himself that no one else can breathe, the narcissist goes about destroying the dreams of others, especially those close to him/her. He would be a fool and a fake if people were capable of seeing who this person really is. Most individuals are incapable of recognizing a narcissist, especially a very high level one.

The narcissistic mother or father rules the household in every respect. Narcissistic mother is the dark queen. When she speaks, glares or nods everyone comes to attention. Her presence is formidable. Adult children of narcissists tell chilling stories of their years of imprisonment with these dreadful parents. Living in a narcissistic household, you are not allowed to have a mind of your own and if you do keep it to yourself or you'll get smacked physically or psychologically. Some narcissistic mothers send children away to other relatives and abandon them there if they don't conform to the rigid family rules. Above all the narcissistic parent must be adored and obeyed at all times. The great tragedy of being the child of a narcissist is that you are being forced to take on the trappings, the personality traits, the gestures, even the outward appearance demanded by the narcissistic parent. Mother tells you where you will go to school. When you show your gifts and talents--you are treated with disdain and ridicule. Narcissistic mothers make cruel remarks and even laugh at their child. It is almost impossible for anyone to understand the outright treachery that takes place within these very sick and dysfunctional families. And it doesn't stop when the children grow up. They keep hammering at you, screaming their demands, accusing you of transgressions that are the product of their delusional distorted minds.


You can and will survive your narcissistic family. I have communicated with many who have. It has been a long but worthwhile journey. These individuals are extraordinary in their psychological strength, stamina and the unwillingness to give up or give in. Many have been helped by becoming involved in practices that still the mind and psyche. They have learned finally that there are individuals whom they can trust and love. They now live and grow on their own terms. They have my deepest respect. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Living in the Shadow of A Narcissistic Sibling

The battles of childhood continue through adulthood in the narcissistic family.If mother or father is a narcissist or the two of them are a dynamic duo, there is hell to pay if you haven't been chosen as their royal son or daughter.

I communicate with many siblings of narcissistic brothers and sisters who made every effort to do their best at school, obey the rules at home and to be respectful to their parents. None of this mattered. If you got straight A's and you weren't the golden child, narcissistic mother wouldn't pay any attention to your accomplishment. With a wave of her hand she was off to another subject of greater importance to her. Often the non-narcissistic child bends over backwards to be especially thoughtful to the narcissistic parent. In response the parent is even more demanding and if you perform all of your duties perfectly, it is still not enough. The narcissistic parent constantly throws cruel projections on to these victimized children. There is a complete distortion of reality with narcissists. A child living under these conditions feels in constant emotional peril. He/she is living in the dark shadow of cruel, even monstrous human being. If other children in the family are budding narcissists, there is a collusion that goes on among them that makes life impossible forachild who is doing his best. The emotional pain of being constantly criticized and in some ways treated sadistically is more than one can bear. Many of these children  suffer severe stress reactions, even PTSD as a result of this horrendous child abuse.

The narcissistically abused child does the best she/he can to survive and often leave the family home as soon as possible. Many of these courageous children depart the home early, find other relatives who believe their stories of abuse. Others spend a lot of time in the homes of friends to find some area of peace. Children who prevail who come out of the shadow of their narcissistic sibling(s) and/or narcissistic parent are extraordinary human beings. They use their motivation to become more independent, to find healthy role models, to further their educations and to carve out a life for themselves. I have been in communication with many adult children raised with narcissistic siblings who have re-created their lives. They have been through a long process of healing that sometimes involves quality psychotherapy, close relationships with people who support them, establishing healing practices of meditation, gentle yoga, qi gong and other modalities that restore wholeness on every level. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Mothers-Playing the Guilt Card

Many narcissistic mothers, after treating their children with neglect and abuse from the time they are small children and all the way through adulthood, have the nerve to make their children feel guilty for responding to all of their demands. Some of these mothers fraudulently accuse their sons or daughters of verbal abuse, even physical abuse when this is completely untrue. After driving their grown children to distraction and extreme stress with all of their manipulations and deceits, they tell outright lives about their scapegoated children and make attempts to destroy their lives. Children of narcissistic mothers who do not tow the line and provide constant adulation and praise to this authority are severely punished for their lack of complete obedience. If you have a mind of your own, growing up in this kind of family, your path is difficult. You are always walking up hill accompanied by a strong wind. If you are an independent thinker and have a strong sense of individuality and creative thinking, it is going to be a rough road in a narcissistic family. Being true to yourself is the most important role you will choose as the focus of your life despite your highly dysfunctional family. When the narcissistic mother notices that you are not going along with her plans for you on every level and that you are not at her beck and call. she is inclined to play the guilt card, accusing you of treating her with neglect and cruelty. This is a clever ploy that often works with adult children of narcissists. You will often find out that this is a demand for your instant attention. There are times when our parents do need us and that is appropriate. The narcissistic parent is never satisfied, even if you pledge you life to them.

To make informed decisions, learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: thenracissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists are Never Wrong-They are Perfect

You can never win with a narcissist if you are a person who is truth oriented. Narcissists live in a world where their delusions of power and omnipotence are the truth. If you are married to a narcissist or have a parent who is a narcissist if its very stressful and disconcerting to "always be wrong." When a powerful narcissist repeats the same lie over and over again and has a large audience of believers, his adoring circle will side with him/her against you. Truth is foreign to the narcissist. His personality is built on a grandiose false self, a person who was created to believe that he was superior, perfect and without flaw. He was never held accountable for his mistakes, lies or cruelties. His parents gave him no sense of limits or respect for other human beings. He learned as a child to exploit and manipulate other human beings to win at any cost. The damage to another person's life was collateral and necessary to his goals. Narcissists early on believe that they are always right, will never admit horrendous mistakes and when confronted, will deflect, delay and tell more lies. They believe they are invincible and perfect. Everyone else is a prospective pawn on his chess table.

You cannot have a real relationship with a narcissist whether this is a spouse, parent or sibling. They will continue to use you, demean you, lie to you and deceive you. Learn to protect yourself from narcissistic family members by studying this personality disorder in depth. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and  International
Book Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Step Out of the Narcissist's Delusional World

If you have grown up in a narcissistic family, your life has been very difficult and hurtful. This is the case if you have a narcissistic parent and one or more narcissistic siblings. Growing up and as a small child you probably believed that this was a normal family. As small children this is all we know. It is familiar to us. Some children are very keen at figuring out that they are being treated unfairly and that another sibling is getting all of the attention and a lot of deference. This child is allowed to do whatever he or she wants and does not have to take any responsibility for cruel behavior to his siblings. Some narcissistic parents don't even correct these budding narcissists when they have been rude to other adults. It is astounding but true.

Eventually, children in narcissistic families learn that there is no fairness if they are not the chosen child, the one that the parents want to use as a reflection of their perfection. The non-chosen children are often left to fend for themselves. Narcissistic parents are psychologically and emotionally unavailable, caught up in their delusional world of image, ruthless competition to the top, social engagements, indulging themselves, etc.
Often the raising of children is left up to babysitters or nannies. Children in these families don't even come fourth or fifth. They are trotted out as living props for family occasions and pictures are taken and framed for show. But there is no feeling, devotion, affection or loving focus placed on them. Some of these children don't remember ever receiving a hug from one of their parents. Mainly, they remember all of the criticisms, the shouting, the reprimands, the humiliations that caused deep feelings of shame that didn't go away.


Some adult children who grow up in narcissistic families continue to hold on to what they have longed for and never got---love and caring. They keep hoping that finally one of their parents or a sibling will wake up and acknowledge their value and their deserving respect and kindness. Dealing with a narcissistic family, these days do not arrive. The narcissist lives in the darkness of delusion. He believes that he is better than anyone else---brighter, more attractive, clever, successful, clever, charming, powerful. These beliefs began very early in the development of his personality and are rigid and disinclined to change.

Many adult children recognize these painful truth about their highly dysfunctional families and do the hard work of separating from them psychologically. In some instances they decide to discontinue any kind of communication with narcissistic family members. They go "no contact." During this period of transition some benefit from quality psychotherapy, supportive friends, members of the family who are not enmeshed with the narcissists. Stepping out of the narcissist's delusional world is a huge step toward honoring your own individual reality and the seeking of the truth. You now can live freely, being yourself. You have your own perceptions and you start to grow as a person, encumbered by the psychological imprisonments of the past. Many individuals take these steps. They are courageous but firmly claim that it is well worth the effort. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Marital Counseling with Narcissistic Spouses-Taking a Big Chance

Many men and women marry narcissists without knowing the truth about their personality structures. This is not surprising. Narcissists appear to have it all---the image of physical attractiveness, smooth social skills, charm, even charisma combined with great self confidence. What's not to fall for. In the beginning the narcissist is very attentive to the partner he/she has chosen. Many of these masterful manipulators bend to your every wish, even anticipating what you want before you ask for it. They are lavish in their attention and giving. As time moves on, the emotional scene changes and you notice how demanding, perfectionistic, cunning and deceptive they are. For many spouses a time comes when the non-narcissistic spouse has reached a point where she can no longer tolerate marriage to this self absorbed unempathic partner. Some spouses want to save the marriage. They unwittingly believe that they are dealing with a normal person---someone who is willing to go into therapy with the best intentions and try to sort out the mutual and individual issues that will improve their marriage. This happens frequently and doesn't have a favorable result. 

It is your decision to enter couples therapy. My clinical experience has been that narcissists believe that they are superior, have no imperfections, that problems with the marriage belong to their partner. They will either refuse to go to therapy or if they do will sabotage the process. In some cases, they persuade the therapist to take their side. That's the cunning of the narcissistic personality disorder.

Rather than trying to fix or change your narcissistic spouse, it would be more helpful to you, if you are seeking therapy, find an excellent counselor and see them one on one. It is important that this professional  has studied narcissistic personality disorder in depth and has counseled many spouses who are married to these individuals. Think about your emotional and psychological welfare first and that of your children. There are solutions. They may not preserve the marriage but they will help you to reclaim your life, your emotional and psychological well being. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Varieties of Narcissistic Rage

Beneath the surface the narcissist is always seething with rage. Some narcissists are clever concealers. No one in their external environment would ever suspect that in the privacy of their homes they are out of control screamers. It is not unusual for them to literally get in your face. You watch the veins of the face and neck bulging, wondering when they're going to pop. I have heard many horrendous stories of a narcissistic parent's menacing ways. Some narcissists carry out physical beatings on their children. Others prefer the psychological torture of maintaining an environment of terror and panic. By keeping the anxiety temperature at the highest levels, children and spouses are in a constant state of uneasiness. This makes them easy pawns for manipulation.

One of the most unpleasant varieties is that of the narcissist who creates ugly public scenes to get what he wants, when he wants it. He will accept no authority other than his own. When he is in restaurants, stores, at meetings and his argument is not going well, he simply turns up the volume to full blast. The people around him are first shocked. Then they become frightened. I have seen many narcissists get their way with this full throated approach.

The opposite is the covert narcissist--that charming, gracious, attractive, "humble" individual who pretends to be a saint but has been plotting your occupational, marital or psychological demise for a very long time. These are the tricksters, those double agent narcissists who present themselves as saviors and then go into all out combat to destroy you when the right moment arises. They are the schemers. You may even believe they are your ally. Never be surprised among family members. When it comes to wills and trusts there is often treachery and betrayal. An aunt, parent or sibling has plotted most of his life to acquire the family wealth, leaving crumbs to everyone else. He or she plays up the aging matriarch or patriarch, tells lies about the other family members, fabricates scandals, even crimes. These fictional tales are believed by the aging parent. The villain here makes sure that he maintains his role as savior to the parent holding the bulging purse of gold. He goes out of his way to be unusually attentive. He orchestrates his meticulous moves in such a way that he is trusted completely and given complete control of the estate and all of its holdings. This knowledge remains secret until the parent is deceased.. All hell breaks loose when the other family members learn the truth of the betrayal. But it is too late. This treacherous deed is a way of obtaining the maximum of narcissistic supplies for himself and at the same time disrupting and eclipsing the lives of other family members. The narcissist has achieved his only goal---winning at any cost. This is the circuitous route his rage has taken---the web of lies, deceits, plotting, secrecy, revenge and destruction. These narcissists have no conscience and never look back on what they have done. They easily justify all of their evil moves. They deserve to have everything. They are entitled to all of the spoils and winnings. That's the way they play their dirty game, stepping on friends and family members to reach their goals.

One particularly egregious type of narcissistic rage is revealed in the endless fight for custody of children that is waged for years. The narcissists doesn't give a damn about his children with the exception of a child he can use as an echo of himself. His children are possessions to be used to take revenge and destroy the life of the ex-wife or ex-husband. I have witnessed too many occasions in which the narcissist has used loopholes and machinations of the justice system to obtain a substantial amount of custody of his children. This is not done out of love but spite. Even further, it speaks of sadistic measures on his part that are meant to land a final blow to the non-narcissistic spouse who truly loves the children.

Waging these battles is very tough and requires the support of an excellent attorney who has mastered family law and understands the dark meanderings of the narcissistic mind. If you are in this position, do not give up or give in. Gather support around you from every quarter. You may lose some of your financial assets (or not) but you will have saved your children. That is the greatest achievement of all---creating a peaceful, emotionally consistent and calm, affectionate and loving, affirmative and creative life for your children. This is their legacy--the demonstration of the depth of your love. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Style-Going Viral

On a visit to my favorite green grocers where the fruits and vegetables are locally grown, I was briefly introduced to a woman with her two and half year old son. The child was constantly asking for things and mother  was giving him whatever he wanted. He was picking up vegetable and fruits and putting them on different shelves. I moved to another section of the store. Out of the corner of my eye I began to notice a cardholder spinning out of control like a whirling dervish. I noticed that cards were flying out of their spaces on to the floor which was not very clean. The young boy was having a grand time and mother was no where in sight. He had also made a complete mess of some fruits he had taken off the shelves and stomped on. The store owner came and started to pick up the cards. Some of them were quite soiled. Mother finally appeared. She said nothing. It was as if she had been in a trance. She didn't apologize; she didn't question her son; she didn't leave in embarrassment. Afterward, I told the owner how appalling this scene had been. He said ;" It happens all of the time."

This reminded me of what is going on with children and many adults in this age of over-entitlement. Parents aren't teaching their children any sense of limits, consideration for others, awareness and respect and good manners. There is another attitude: "I've got mine; the hell with you."  Another symptom is the addiction to appearances. There is a plethora of plastic surgeries not only among those who are growing older and want to look fresher and more youthful but by the very young--those in their twenties who must look perfect at all times.

There are many narcissistically inclined who look down on others who don't own their homes, don't wear the finest clothing, wear used clothing and drive older cars. No One------is more important than anyone else---not a person of title, degrees, a member of royalty or the head of a church.

Beneath all of the elaborate show in these individuals are deep unconscious feelings of emptiness and restlessness. What is most unfortunate is that narcissists have no insight and they make other people's lives miserable.

There are many exceptions--people who are remaking their lives, who are compassionate, considerate, who are living more simply, who are going deep into themselves and becoming more open with others and above all are developing deeper empathy for all beings. I find this very encouraging.

To learn to protect yourself from narcissists and become informed about every facet of this personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Children of Narcissistic Mothers-Objects to be Used

There are large numbers of children who were "raised" by narcissistic mothers. I use the word raised with question because these individuals are incapable of true mothering. Psychoanalyst Alice Miller describes the psychodynamics between the narcissistic mother and her child: "The child...was the narcissistically cathected  object. What these mothers had once failed to find in their own mothers they were able to find in their children: someone at their disposal who can be used as an echo, who can be controlled, is completely centered on them, will never desert them, and offers full attention and admiration." So many adult children of narcissistic mothers continue to play this role of servant and adorer throughout their lives. Every energy, gift, thought, sense of initiative is quashed by the narcissistic mother. They grow up knowing only that they survive by being and remaining attached, fused and loyal only to mother.

Some of these individuals awaken at some point in their development and recognize that they have been imprisoned in a psychological and emotional gulag. The walls of their psychological cells are thick with emotional brainwashing; their minds are taken over only by thoughts of what the narcissistic mother demands of them. They feel anger and frustration but that disappears when they are enveloped by the darkness and delusion of their mother's hold on them. This is a tragic life course.

Some adult children through their own self analysis,  psychotherapy, personal support groups, the working of their insights---discover that they deserve to be released from this nightmare of captivity. They awaken, shake themselves and start moving slowly toward healing and transformation. They expand the use of their creative energies and gifts that have been locked in cold storage. They begin to fledge with practice like a young eagle from branch to branch. They falter at times. But this is all part of self strenghtening. At some point they are ready to fly from the tallest tree in their environment. Now they feel entitled and deserving to become and manifest themselves both inside and in the world. They launch with strong wings that ride the winds, unstoppable and free now to participate in the beauty and meaning of their own lives. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissism and Pseudo Spirituality---A Noxious Brew

Spiritual treks and pilgrimages have become very popular within the new age culture. Among these followers there are sincere people who are looking for ways to re-direct their lives, to become humbler, calmer, compassionate,  more in touch with their authentic selves. There are spiritual teachers who are very sincere. I am speaking about narcissists who have discovered that offering seminars, books, dvds, ebooks, etc. is one of the surest ways to make large sums of money and be venerated as a very special person.

Narcissistic gurus offer their embossed brand of spirituality. It's presented as instant and sure. They emphasize that you are just the right person to participate in their program and tell you that you are highly intuitive and that there is a special reason why you found them. They make you feel special. Their eye contact is intense as they draw you in. In some ways they put their prospective students in a light trance. The begin by flattering you. They pretend to listen and to care deeply about all of the life problems that have brought you to their door. They spend just enough time with you to convince you to give them a bank card and sign up. Once they have you in their clutches they will keep pressuring you to sign up for more advanced classes that cost higher amounts of money. Never decide that a person is spiritual based on how many seminars he/she has given, their academic or medical degrees, how many books they have published, the size of their audiences.

Protect yourself from this spiritual predator. Read in depth about the narcissistic personality disorder. Stay in touch with that deep part of you that is highly intuitive and can identify phonies very quickly. Working toward spiritual growth is not about spending a lot of money. It is your spiritual journey.  You are free to choose the path you will take. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com  

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Narcissists---Using Lies to Invent Their Truth

Narcissists are compulsive liars----they can't help themselves. This is not an excuse for their abominable behavior. It is part of their psychopathology. Narcissists spend their lives in a state of delusion, a world of their making. They find others to share this delusion with them. If they are highly successful they have no difficulty finding those who are willing to "play with them" and share their lifestyles. At the core of it, the narcissist is a very small petulant child who has major tantrums if he doesn't get everything he wants.

One of the chief ways the narcissist reaches his goals is through lying---overt and covert lies. He/she often bad mouths others, makes efforts to destroy their characters and  professional status to move themselves foreword up the ladder. They have no compunctions about lying to everyone. They have clever concocted stories for each person in their inner circle and for the world at large. They lie to their spouses all of the time, to their children---promising them they will spend time with them and then making excuses at the last minute. Narcissists never show up for their children unless it is the favorite golden child that they have picked to be their alter ego.  They are very keen at inventing "truths"---intricate stories out of whole cloth. People believe them, even highly sophisticated individuals who should know better. It is the charm and magnetism that camouflages their perfidy every time. Once the narcissist has established power in the world he continues with his lies. He says the opposite of what he does. He promises constantly and never honors these proclamations.  He knows that he can create his own reality and if this involves ripping people off for millions of dollars over and over again, or destroying the lives of his children because he was neglectful and cruel, causing so much stress that his spouse becomes very ill----none of this matters. He faces those who confront  his lying with more lies. And this works for the high and mighty these days. We live in a highly narcissistic age where these people are running most of the show. Learn everything you can about the narcissistic personality disorder. Protect yourself from these highly disturbed predatory individuals. Lead your own life, using your many creative gifts. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Trapped in One Dimensional World

With all of their grandiosity, no limits attitude and excessive self entitlement, the narcissist lives in a very narrow world of consciousness. He/she is highly limited. First there is no real communication with a narcissist. They do almost all of the talking---regaling you with stories (that they have told hundreds of times) about their successes in business, the size and reach of their investments, the perfection of their lifestyles, their outstanding achievements. You are trapped on a one way street. You make an effort to listen but it becomes tiring and boring. There is no reciprocation. A narcissist can speak for hours without asking you one question about yourself. If he does make an inquiry, he often is too impatient to wait for your response. You know that above all he was not listening to you. He was expanding his massive ego, talking about his favorite subject, himself.

Many narcissists spend a lot of time talking about their financial success, their material possessions, their treks, their trips, cruises, the highly important people whom they calls friends. Even narcissists who are not very wealthy but comfortable spend a lot of time and energy impressing you with their achievements. Having to sit for hours at a dining table with one of these individuals is pure hell. You feel trapped, bored, appalled and disgusted simultaneously. I remember on one occasion after this narcissist had gone on for over an hour, feeling the need to flee but unable to get up because it was a formal occasion. I needed rescue. Finally, I went into my own mind while still holding the gaze of this self absorbed narcissist and pretended that I was listening. All the while I put my imagination in another location, started taking mental notes and reminding myself of the torture that spouses, children and relatives of narcissists endure every day living with these impossible, selfish, self addicted, insensitive, umempathic people.

There may come a time in your life when you will decide you have had too much of a narcissistic spouse, parent or sibling and must sever this pseudo relationship. These decisions can be tough and they are very personal. Sometimes we have to choose between our destiny as an individual to continue evolving psychologically, intellectually, creatively and spiritually and remaining in a one dimensional non-relationship with someone who is destructive and limiting to our development on every level. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists-Non Verbals Give Them Away

When you assess whether a person is a narcissist or not, one of the many valuable tools is a fine perception of the non verbals.
These assessments were corroborated by other interactions with these individuals. Some narcissists strut across a room, head held very high and literally look down on those in front of them.They are performing for their adoring audience and displaying their irresistible attractiveness. One of the pilates trainers at the gym  enters the room with  a glossy smile, head lifted. She stares into your face with her painted on rigid smile. It feels like a sneer. There is no feeling in the eyes. She is not making any real connection with you. Her statement is: "Here I am. I'm perfect. I look down on you because you don't have a perfect body conformation like mine. My looks make me superior to everyone else." I later had several interactions with this woman that indicate that she is highly narcissistic. On another occasion I had a couple of brief interviews with an orthopaedic surgeon with a first rate professional reputation. He had recommended a surgeon for a friend of mine. After the procedure was completed, I took time to thank him for the excellent referral. He hurriedly greeted me with a confident very firm hand shake. His eyes avoided my gaze; his dismissive hurried manner evaded the words of sincere gratitude that I was expressing. He didn't have three seconds to make  human contact. I remember those large vacant eyes. I could see that they were moving quickly on to his next engagement. He had no time or energy to spare with me, a person who was so insignificant in his mind. In fact I had the impression that he wanted me to step out of his royal presence. My sincere appreciation was not a sufficient narcissistic supply to such a "superior surgeon and man of power." I was not on his level. I could not get through his steel armor of grandiose defense to reach his humanity. I believe he had left that behind long ago.

I have had many nonverbal encounters with narcissists. They vary in their detail but they are common in the complete lack of connection that is made with them.This can shift if the narcissist want something from you. Then he or she moves adroitly with the charm and magnetism offensive---a form of method acting that is flawless in high level narcissists. Pay attention to the non verbals. They will tell you more than the narcissist thinks he is giving away. When you make these distinctions and can detach from his highly polished act, you have the knowledge and the power to perceive the truth about these fixed personality disorders. Visit my website: .thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists--Don't Wait for Formal Justice in This Lifetime

If you have been psychologically, financially and/or emotionally damaged by a sociopathic narcissist, don't wait for for him or her to be brought to justice --formal or informal--in this lifetime. It is chilling to watch how these non-blood drawing criminals get away with destroying the lives of others.

I am in communication with individuals whose lives have been eclipsed, diminished and disrupted by these people. They are so clever at covering their tracks and if they live and work at the higher reaches of a current society where many value absolute power and materialism, they are assured of being protected by business and social associates that give them praise, veneration and blind loyalty. These tight groups of deceit and exclusivity reflexively close ranks and protect destructive and abominable behaviors. 

On the opposite side of the divide are individuals of the finest character. Despite their professional achievements, their socioeconomic status and all of the praise they receive, they never forget that they are no more important or valuable than any other human being. In fact, they are grateful for what they have achieved. They are aware of the suffering and difficulties of others who are not as fortunate as they are.


If you are still involved with a sociopathic narcissist, you know deep inside that your life is compromised and and you are being whittled down by this controlling, demanding personality. I hear from women who for decades have been married to these men and will not leave them. They are paying a very high price for this decision. Their identities have been blurred, their creative opportunities have been squelched and their nervous systems are worn from the chronic harsh criticisms, constant demands, intimidations and betrayals by their partners.

When you make the decision to sever the relationship from the sociopathic narcissist, this is an enormous step in reclaiming your life. It takes tremendous courage. You are demanding to have what belongs to you: a life that is filled with hope, creative energy, the possibilities of reciprocal love and respect and inner peace. Gather your support group around you. Research the best attorneys and interview them in depth. Call upon your spiritual practice if you have one, keep yourself physically strong through consistent exercise. Stay in the present but envision the freedom and all of the opportunities that await in this next phase of your life. Take hold of your destiny with open arms. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Use Your Intuition-No Contact with Narcissist

You have been suffering from breaking up and going back with your narcissistic ex for years. You know the pattern. You don't him see or hear from him in several months after one of your many partings. He calls; you are hooked again.  I communicate with a number of women who are trapped in this repetitious pattern. Many of them have been married to narcissists. Each time they resume the relationship, they believe that this time it is all going to work. Narcissists are not capable of  loving or being loyal with other human beings. They have a serious personality that is not going to change. They are false selves, often with an irresistible facade. Most people fall for this and believe that the persona is the real person. This is not the case.

Instead of repeating a psychological pattern that is harmful to you, use your intuition---listen to this voice of wisdom within you---. When the narcissist makes contact or you feel the need to call, email or text him, listen to your intuition say no. Intuitive messages move through us very quickly.  We learn to be attuned to them. This is a great gift. The more consistently you use intuition the more finely tuned it becomes. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Surviving a Narcissistic Family-You are an Extraordinary Individual

Growing up in a narcissistic family is one of the most difficult and painful legacies. You have been surrounded by some family members whom you thought you could trust and who cared about you. But that is not the case. In some instances one of the parents is able to give his/her children enough love and attention to be spared. In others, the child is on his own to make his way. Sometimes, brothers and sisters stick together to protect themselves from the narcissistic parent and the golden child that has been chosen and created. Those who discover early that they must fend for themselves have a very hard road ahead. They use everything inside of them to remain strong and move ahead. Some of these children have to pretend that they are going along with the narcissistic parent and obeying them to keep the peace. Inside their minds, they know that the narcissist is cruel and deluded. Other children are less fortunate. They keep thinking that it is their fault that the parent does not love them. I have known of adult children of narcissists who are still suffering, looking for love from a parent who will never give anything to them.

What is extraordinary is the child of a narcissist who becomes a compassionate empathetic human being. Against all odds, this person not only survived the horrendous abuse and neglect of this family but they became a solitary force of love, kindness and compassion to all of those who touch their lives. They carry the scars of what happened in this cauldron of cruelty and neglect but are determined to make their lives different---and they have. These individuals deserve our respect. They are people of high consciousness that bring needed light into a world. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Older Brother Colludes with Narcissistic Mother

There are certain pathological and destructive patterns that run through narcissistic families. Each family is unique but there are repetitions of unjust and cruel maneuvers that take place when a narcissistic older brother is the mother's favorite perfect son and the two of them collude. This is particularly the case where financial assets and properties are involved. Plans between these two are made well in advance before other family members are suspicious. The father who is considered weak and stupid by the narcissistic wife is out of the picture. The narcissistic mother married him for the family money that he controlled or his lucrative business. That was her goal from the first time she met him. I want to emphasize that these narcissists plan ahead---not in weeks or months but years ahead. They are so entitled and over-confident and nervy that they believe they can get whatever they want because they are so brilliant and clever.

If you suspect that the favored sibling is a narcissist, do everything you can to become highly informed about this serious personality disorder. At some point you may decide to hire an attorney to protect your interests. Other siblings may be fooled by the golden boy narcissist. There is nothing you can do to convince them that this person has a very defective character that is not going to change. Talk is very cheap and narcissists are excellent at using their lying words to convince others they are telling the truth.

I have observed too many cases in which the narcissistic golden child was given the benefit of the doubt that he is looking out for all of his siblings. Even if it is a biological sibling, this person has no right to take what belongs to you. Observe very keenly and maintain your sense of focus and inner steadiness. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Reclaiming Your Own Identity from Your Narcissistic Mother

Regardless of our DNA, the psychological background of our parents and the abuse and neglect we have experienced. we are individuals who belong to ourselves. I know from so many daughters who have suffered horrifically from narcissistic mothers that that these children and now adults went through absolute hell. I am in communication with women well into adulthood who are still hurt and distressed every day as a result of growing up in these very disturbed families. In many cases the narcissistic mother continues to disrupt her daughter's life. The daughter feels an obligation to the mother or believes that she will change and gives in to the narcissistic mother's demands. Then, there are the threats and intimidations that are ongoing. Some of these mothers play the "I'm helpless card. If you you leave me, I'll be alone and who knows what will happen to me." Some narcissistic mothers turn one child against the other. This is a dreadful situation. In many cases the daughter has to make a decision to sever the relationship with the highly pathological mother or find a way to keep a safe psychological distance from her.

I communicate with those who have made the final decision to sever the relationship. With the help of skillful psychotherapy and the support of good friends and for some, a yoga practice or meditation practice. Ultimately, your life belongs to you. You deserve inner peace, mental spaciousness and protection and the use of all of your creative talents. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistnyourlife.com

Identify Covert Narcissists-Show Them the Door

Covert narcissists are among the most difficult to recognize. They have such a smooth act going that they have been practicing all of their lives. How can someone who is so self-effacing and self critical, be such a louse. That's because they have learned to play so many roles with great skill. Some of them are: "I'm helpless and need you desperately."  "You are the most wonderful person I have ever met. I don't deserve you."  "I want you to be my mentor; I look up to you."  "You are so great; I want to be just like you." "I have fallen in love with you and can't let you go."  That last one is one of the best if we can admit it.

First, take time to research in depth all of the facets of the narcissistic personality disorder. Beneath the well faked humility, the covert narcissist possesses all of these traits. He/she may not be grandiose and they usually aren't. But they feel superior to others, are self absorbed, deceitful, manipulative, chronic liars and exploitive without a pinch of empathy.

Especially if you are very attracted to this person, hold off on your impulses to get more intimate and take a long view and a microscopic look at this individual. It is well worth your effort and time. You will spare yourself a lot of misery not getting caught up in the narcissistic web. Always use your intuition. If you are finely tuned to it, they will give themselves away. Be patient and highly discerning. I wish you the very best. I know you will prevail. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself  from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle editionEmail: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

High Level Male Narcissists-Size Matters

 You've heard the expression "Size matters."  In this case I am talking about high level narcissist's:   

Expanding egos, outrageous sense of entitlement, multiple stock and asset portfolios, number of homes, yachts, vacation homes, private jets, helicopters, vintage cars, elaborate trips, hedge fund profits, outrageous salaries and bonuses. I understand that some of the receivers of these obscene amounts of money are now whining because some people have publicized that they are being unfair to customers by charging extra fees at their banks. Can you imagine how anyone would have the hubris to complain and moan about this.  Well, believe it. High level narcissists are always surprising to those who are not narcissists. I see a lot of "narcissists in training" these days. They fawn over wall street hedge funders who are left unaccountable in any legal or moral way, who help themselves to obscene payoffs while those whom they harm are left behind, grabbing for crumbs or to lick the bottom of  a dry bowl.  

I frequently hear from their spouses. Some are willing to make the deal with the devil and stayed married with them because they are afraid of being on their own, are more delusional than they think and have become too accustomed to the lifestyle to give it up. Others are desperately trying to gather up the courage and  knowledge to leave these psychopathological nightmares. Some make the break and sever the marriage and get back their real lives. They have great courage and resolve. Many of them report that it was the best decision they have ever made.

What matters is quality----of your kindness, empathy, use of your creative gifts, support of friends and family members who need your help now.  And what about the people you meet who through no fault of their own are without any kind of support---financial, psychological, medical or otherwise. Fortunately, I have heard from exceptional people who are moving along spiritually----They think about those who are suffering and how they can help to alleviate that pain; they think about living more simply; they care deeply about how we are destroying Nature with collective greed; they think about contributing to the quality of  the lives of others. Make yourself heard. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation:United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Spouses of Narcissists-Narrowing All of Your Life Options

You cannot be the spouse of a narcissist and be free to be yourself. I don't care how independent and talented you are. The narcissist takes space in certain crevices of the mind and heart that cannot be overlooked. Even those with concentration and focus are disturbed on some level by sharing their lives with a narcissistic personality disorder. They nibble away at our hope, creativity and optimism.  They are not only completely self absorbed, they insist on taking chunks of us, picking here and there. For spouses who are more dependent and vulnerable, they can leave this person completely helpless, unable to make their own decisions, immobilized psychologically.

Narcissists emotionally and mentally drain those close to them. They suck life out of their children, creating little narcissists out of those whom they think have the best inherent material. They weaken, deride, humiliate and endeavor to psychologically annihilate the ones who don't come up to their standards. Those left behind, when they survive, can become very strong, individuated and creative. They have been through the worst, having a parent who was incapable of loving them authentically but now they are overcoming this and fulfilling their dreams and potential.

Those who stay with narcissists in endless empty marriages continue to narrow their life options. Always in the back of the their minds they are wondering what he or she is going to demand of them next. It's like constantly fighting a rip tide.  There are no breaks, no respite. The narcissist will never change. Many spouses make rationalizations about the "good times"---the lifestyle, the excitement of having lovely possessions, the romantic thrall of the narcissistic partner, the over the top promises, the dreams spun of pure gold, the going to the heights fantasies that linger in the mind. This is the delusion that the narcissist sells to his/her spouse.

As the years go by---sharing them with a narcissist-- becomes more difficult to keep your life options free and creative. Many spouses wake up--sometimes on the brink of a psychological or physical breakdown and finally know that they must get out, even if they have to leave everything behind them. I have communicated with many spouses who have been through this process. It is difficult and and can be frightening. Recognize that as you move through this, there is a part of you that has been screaming at the top of your lungs to be free. After the formal proceedings are over, your time will come. You will return to your original self and find that you beginning to walk, then jog, then run toward all the opportunities that have been waiting for you. Now you have the wind at your back. Enjoy the beautiful view and breathe in glorious freedom. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Message to Narcissistic Mothers-Stop Putting Me Down

Narcissistic mothers are beyond difficult and they don't become more civilized as they age. They play the dependent, "take care of me" card to the hilt (when they don't need any assistance at all). If you are the child of a narcissistic mother, your life has been very difficult. It is hard  for some people to recognize the extent and depth of their cruelties, betrayals and manipulations. If you are not the chosen child--God help you. Those who have had this experience have endured horrible abuse at the hands of the narcissistic mother. Often this mother is the matriarch of the entire family. The father is put in the background. Mother rules over him and the other members of the family. She forms alliances with children whom she can mold into clones of herself or those whom she can use as willing servants who will adore her despite their abuse of them. Then there are the sons and daughters who recognize that this woman whom they call mother doesn't deserve this name.. She exists only for herself. She is cruel and vindictive with her children---even infants and her very young children. Some children of these dreadful mothers are fortunate to be raised by kind nannies and babysitters. Often these children call these surrogates mother. The biological narcissistic mother doesn't have an authentic relationship with her children. She is incapable of any kind of intimate relationship.

Years of maternal narcissistic abuse are endured. Some children of these families survive by leaving the home early and seeking education on their own. Some are fortunate to find other family members who will take them in

Even well into adulthood some children of narcissistic mothers are constantly disturbed by the cruel comments, the lies spread about their characters and the direct insults that these non-mothers project on their children. They send constant emails and texts, uninvited calls. The adult child of this abuse discovers that he or she is the source of malicious rumors. Often the motive of the narcissistic mother is sadistic She want to bring down her own child. The visual image I am reminded of in thinking of these women is that of the ancient Greek goddess who horrifies us with her ferocity and fills us with dread as we watch her wearing writhing coils of live snakes encircling her head. The snakes in the narcissistic mother's hair cannot be removed. They are a vital part of her.  It is time to take  a stand and separate from her psychologically for good. This isn't easy but necessary to your psychological and emotional health.

Stop letting her put you down. Don't be present or the volleys of criticisms, the malicious lies, the psychological ambushes, the toxic innuendos. Use your intuition to wisely tell you how and when to leave her and all of the suffering behind. I have been in contact with many sons and daughters of narcissistic mothers who have made this journey of separation and have found that they now are finally free for the first time in their lives to make their own decisions, to think creatively, to make their own plans, to use their talents and gifts, to form relationships with those whom they choose. You deserve the comfort of deep inner peace, a spacious mind, the freedom of using your creativity and the comfort and compassion of those who care deeply about you. Visit my website: wwwthenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

The Rise of High Level Sociopaths

In this post I am not speaking about the anti-social personality disorder who has been stealing cars since adolescence and has moved on to crimes of physical assault and robbing banks and eventually hard core jail time. The sociopath I am focusing on sits at the upper echelons of power in the private and public sectors of this country. To most people they are unrecognizable in this role. These individuals are beyond clever and cunning. They are masters of image, disguise and deceit. Many of them attend our finest universities, have the highest credentials in many professional fields. They are exalted in the highest levels of society, given honors and awards for their important work and looked up to as role models by their peers, communities and friends.

These sociopaths are a special breed of men and women. They often have a high intelligence quotient, have earned several degrees and have entered, climbed and succeeded to the pinnacle of their professions. Almost everyone is fooled by them. They have so many admirers and followers. Their main focus is in making enormous amounts of money and wielding ultimate power. There are no limits on their ambitions---It is endless. They are socially well placed and have learned the art of sizing up people early, have mastered all of the social skills and ways of flattering people into falling for them. They wield power and influence in their work over their associates. They act like team players but behind the scenes they are using others who will do their dirty work to plot and destroy their next competitor. They spread lies, create ugly scenarios, defame and eventually destroy anyone who gets in their way. I have heard many stories from their victims of lives decimated by these fawned over criminals in disguise.

The truth comes from those who have shared their private lives with this monsters.  Some husbands and wives sacrifice their lives and sell their souls to share the public adulation, lifestyle and raw power that these sociopaths hold in the palms of their hands. Others finally discover that they can no longer live with the abuse, suspect that there is too much illegal, immoral and unethical behaviors occurring that they can no longer stomach and that they must sever these treacherous relationships to save themselves and their children. Divorces from these high level sociopaths are ugly to the max. Those who go forward and survive are relieved and finally free of the imprisonment and secrecy that has haunted them for decades.

Many in the current society, hyped by the media and entertainment empires, believe that those who ultimately win---even if other human beings are thrown to the wolves in the process, is perfectly ok----even admired. Those who don't or won't or can't play this brand of hard ball are wimps. The increase of narcissistic personality disorders over the last few decades is astounding. Along with this is the acceptance and rise of the highly skilled, charismatic, high level sociopath. They are seated in the midst of many power venues. All sociopaths are narcissists. Some narcissists are sociopaths. Both of these severe personality disorders fool most people, including some psychotherapists. To protect yourself from these highly destructive individuals, study these personality disorders in depth. There are many highly successful people in different kinds of professions who are humane, have great integrity and command respect. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Don't Let your Narcissistic Spouse Run off with Your Assets

Knowledge is power. You have heard that many times.When it comes to a narcissist this is particularly important. When you begin to intuit that your spouse is a narcissist, pay attention. Then, do your homework and inform yourself about the serious nature of this severe personality disorder. Many women stay married to narcissistic men---Let's stay together for the children--We have a great lifestyle--There are no financial worries; I feel stable and secure. You can never be secure with a narcissist. They are never straight or true. They lie, cheat, convincingly put on the act of the "good person", They are connivers and schemers.

Narcissists are exceedingly greedy. They love money and the status that can bring them in business and social circles. Narcissists conceal their money from their spouses. They make secret deals. They are super controllers. If you don't protect yourself the narcissistic spouse will make all of the demands on you, treat you like dirt and eventually leave you. Narcissists change their wills without your knowledge. They buy and sell properties. They gamble it away. They are restless human beings that must always be entertained.

Protect yourself financially from your narcissistic spouse by insisting that you share all of the assets to which you are entitled. When the marriage goes south at least you will have the material means to take care of yourself.  During a divorce in particular narcissists hide valuable assets and pretend that they are flat broke. They have been creating this scheme for a long time. Get ahead of them with your knowledge of their true nature, the assistance of highly informed professionals who can obtain the truth about your mutual finances and by keeping yourself psychologically and emotionally at a distance. These are tall orders but essential to your present and future. You are entitled financially, psychologically and emotionally to lead a life in which you use your potential, creative gifts, have meaningful relationships and feel deep inner peace. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com 



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Developing Healing Habits after Divorcing Narcissistic Spouse

I am in communication with many spouses who have been through the horrible ordeal of being married to a narcissistic wife or husband. Many of these individuals feel that they have been wiped out on every level: mentally, physically, emotionally and psychologically. For decades many of them were virtual servants to the narcissist. They kept their end of the marital vows and kept believing that this person could change. They were abused, mistreated. Some of them became physically ill.

At some point many victimized spouses make the decision to divorce the narcissistic partner. This is a huge step in the right direction. They know the road could get rocky divorcing a narcissist. By selecting an excellent attorney who is an expert in this area of the law combined with insight on the narcissistic personality, the non-narcissistic spouse can move through this process with a sense of confidence and steadiness of mind. After the proceedings are completed, the healing begins.

You are in the process of re-making your life. This is both exciting and daunting. There are healing habits you can develop and integrate into your daily life. You make the decisions about what works best for you. You can call them the essentials for healing. I will offer several and then you will decide ultimately how your healing routine will be designed.

Forms of meditation are powerful forms of being whole. There are many types of meditation. One of the oldest is called vipassana. With this method you sit on a cushion and cross you legs, keeping your back straight but not stiff or sit on a straight back chair. Take a few cleansing breaths through the nose. Inhale,hold for a few moments (find the count that is comfortable for you) and exhale. All of this is done through the nose.
Close your eyes and put your gaze at the point between your eyebrows. This provides a place of focus and will keep you alert and relaxed. Begin to watch your breath coming in through the tip of your nostrils and out through your nostrils. Many thoughts will swirl through your mind, sensations will arise. As you are distracted, go back to the breath without making any judgments. The most important part of meditation is consistency not how long you meditation. There are no perfect meditation. Making the effort is a great achievement. Gentle yoga is a powerful healing tool. With yoga the focus is on the breath as it moves in and out of the nostrils. Don't be concerned about perfecting the pose. Yoga is about being steady and relaxed. If there is any forcing, then this is not yoga. Create a special space in your home where you go to meditate. It can be very simple.You decide what you need there--pictures, photographs, prints, religious pictures, small statues---the choice is yours. Cardiovascular exercise is the way that is best for your body is one of the great healers. It provides us with needed endorphins that help with our moods and facilitate sleep. Cardio strengthens the heart and many parts of the body. It oxygenates and invigorates us. Find other activities creative and otherwise that you enjoy tremendously. Be consistent with your new habits. You will create a new life structure from these. Give yourself credit for changing your life, for becoming independent from the narcissist. You are the designer of your life. Explore new talents. You will be amazed at how rich and full you life is and the extent of your creativity.

Take very good care of yourself. After what you have been through with the narcissist, you will make the decisions about how you want to run your life. No one else can make these choices. Don't limit your possibilities through fear or trepidation. Keep your creative options open. Use your intuition and it will always tell you the truth. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

High Society Narcissistic Sociopaths Get a Huge Pass

I am not surprised very often about the pervasive acceptance of pathological narcissism and sociopathy in our current society. In some high social circles those who live uber opulent lifestyles in the rarefied air of super wealth and power get a huge pass even in the area of serious crime. The attitude among many (not all) at the highest levels of power is to ignore the dark deeds perpetrated by those that are admired for their super wealth and impeccable social and business connections. A recent article by Alexandra Wolfe, a former contributing editor to Conde Nast Portfolio, the author wrote about an elite party given in New York, celebrating the return back into high society by a billion dollar pedophile who had completed a 13-month sentence for soliciting prostitution from a minor. Recently this perpetrator had settled numerous civil suits brought by 40 victims who surfaced as a result of an FBI investigation. Was this man shunned? Was he upbraided by his social circle? No. Quite the contrary. He gave himself a high scale party and invited some of America's media and entertainment figures. Three public statements were made in opposition to this perpetrator kid gloves treatment for serious crimes: Aeropostale director John Howard: "What I see here is if you have big money or are famous then you get a pass."  Lorna Brett Howard, wife of Irving Post Capital CEO: " In the Midwest, where I am from he would be a social pariah.  David Patrick Columbia, founder of New York Social Diary: " A jail sentence doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that gets you shunned in New York society is poverty."

This is the attitude that some americans (many americans do not)  have about those who lead the headiest lifestyles and have the greatest access to the highest levels of financial power even after they have committed horrendous crimes. They have served the time given to them. But to receive these predators with open arms and celebration---greeting them back into the fold. What kind of values are these? 

I hear from victimized women and men of narcissistic sociopaths frequently. He or she has run off with all of the assets. They are left flat broke financially and broken emotionally and psychologically. Everyone must and recognize that pathological narcissism and narcissistic traits and even sociopathy in some instances are now widely accepted in our society as a method and sure way to ultimate success. Ruthless competition that destroys the lives of others is no longer a consideration. Winning the race is all that matters.

God help those who are poor. Some people look upon them as the new criminal. The society is so externalized that for some if you are very attractive and wealthy and have high connections you can get away with a hell of a lot----much more than your poorer brothers and sisters who have become non-entities. We must fight these toxic trends. Look upon each person from the inside---what kind of character do they have? Are they moral? Are they empathic and kind? Are they honestly doing their best? We must bring mercy and deep caring about the welfare of others back into the vocabulary and daily thoughts and actions of our lives.

I hear from those who have been through hell with narcissists, sociopathic narcissists and sociopaths. They know exactly what can happen when you allow them to rule your lives. Those who have survived have rebuilt their lives, become strong on every level, re-discovered their unique gifts, found friends and partners who share their humanity. We applaud and celebrate their lives. Stay fully awake, trust your intuition that always speaks wisdom. Listen to that voice that guides all of your days. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com