Saturday, October 9, 2010

Narcissist Unglued-A Personal Encounter

Recently, I happened upon a narcissist, an acquaintance whom I have known is a narcissist.  I hadn't seen him for some time.  I was attending a large meeting and I saw him there. After exchanging social conversation very briefly, he jumpstarted into his innumerable life views and feelings about them.  He went from 0 to 1000 in less than two seconds. His viterpurative comments contained a loss of control, a lack of boundaries. He was beyond the boiling point, spewing forth hatred and rage.  His mouth was gaping and and sneering in his delivery. The sheer volume of toxic psychological waste coming forth was remarkable. He was filled with an active hatred of everything and everyone but has was very self righteous.

When an individual does not deal with serious psychological issues over many decades and they remain hidden from consciousness they become more corrosive.  With a narcissist they are constantly projected, especially on to those close to them: spouses, children and often anyone in their reach. These primitive projections can be very harmful to the recipient. They are meant to intimidate, shame and humiliate the other. The victim feels like his confidence and sense of self and physical and psychological energy is being invaded and pulled from him

This individual was spewing active malignant hatred. As he spoke he became more unplugged. I heard in my mind the words: destroy,destroy,destroy---That was his unconscious intention. His role was to vanquish others. There was not a hint of being aware of anyone else, whether his cruelty would hurt any anyone. He was living in a thicket of delusion and darkness and was capable of entrapping others into this horrid, frightening dark place. His words flew forth like putrid chunks of vomitus without beginning or end.

I was shocked at first but soon the familiar siren call of the narcissist reminded me "Yes, this is a narcissist discharging his full load." 

I maintained a psychological and physical distance. I called upon a steadiness and detachment and asked for equanimity in those moments. This is the quality of being calm and even tempered, an internal and external composure. I became an active observer.

As I looked back soon after this tirade, I am thankful for the reinforcement of the knowledge of the power of the narcissist's thrust and the deepest level of hatred and destruction they carry. I care very deeply about those who have to deal with narcissists every single day: children of narcissistic parents, spouses of narcissists, narcissistic bosses.  You are strong, resilient, courageous individuals. I want to do everything I can to help you become free from these toxic personalities.

Help yourself by becoming steady and strong---physically, mentally, psychologically and spiritually. Develop a practice of stillness whether it is meditation, working in your garden, praying, cooking, birdwatching, as long as you do this consistently, Gentle yoga is a powerful way to steady the mind/psyche/body. For more details about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: and amazon kindle edition

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