When narcissists are not telling everyone how perfect, brilliant, successful and wonderful they are, he or she obsesssively uses toxic projections to put you in your place. This is likely to occur when you don't mirror the narcissist perfectly. Even if you treat the narcissist with worshipful subservience he will find a way to criticize, demean and shame you. A projection is an unconscious defense mechanism that is used to eject intolerable feelings and thoughts, impulses and threatening sensations from oneself on to another other person. The individual on the receiving end of one of these attacks can feel stung like a bee attack or psychologically assaulted depending on the ferocity of the projection. Most people are completely unaware of the narcissist's constant projections. When these individuals are exceedingly rude and cruel in this way, people make excuses for them, especially if they are highly successful and wield a lot of power. They make excuses:"Oh, that's the way Harry operates. It's a quirk in his personality. Don't take it seriously." Some of those close to the narcissist, his faithful followers either ignore these cruelties or wonder why people can't see that this is idle banter, like a joke.
Those living with narcissists---spouses and children in particular---are frequently the victims of these cruel psychological toxic projections.Many of those who are targeted believe that they are at fault not the narcissist. When a child is very young and the object of toxic projections, this causes a negative sense of self unless the other parent or another family member recognizes the outright cruelty and harm that these projections create and counterbalance these psychological attacks with their love, strength, solidity and empathy.
Learn to deflect the narcissist's projections. First , recognize very early that hor or she is a severe personality disorder. This gives you an advantage. Maintain a safe psychological distance from his psychopathology. In some cases it is wise to not be alone with a narcissist because this is often the time when he or she will spring volleys of projections on to you. Learn to appreciate your healthy sense of self respect, psychological solidity and self confidence. Study every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder so you are prepared for all of their schemes, tricks, subterfuges and games. Detach from the drama of the narcissist's projections. These are not about you---they tell us volumes about the pathological unconscious mind of the narcissist. Visit my website: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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