Daughters of narcissistic mothers communicate with me and describe their unique psychological pain and emotional dilemmas. Although they recognize that they were emotionally abused and deprived by their narcissistic mothers, they feel obligated to "fix" them. Sadly, many of these daughters believe that if they change themselves and become a perfect mirror for mother, she will appreciate and value them. Some daughters go back and forth between despising their mothers, feeling sorry for them and blaming themselves for not having a meaningful relationship. The truth about narcissistic mothers is painful. Some of them do their best by providing their daughters with material and educational advantages. Other narcissistic mothers want their daughters to fail, are jealous of their relationship with the father or other family members. This can happen with a daughter who particularly strong temperamentally and has a mind of her own. The narcissistic mother in these cases does everything she can to break her daughter's spirit. Another daughter in the family who is willing to play servant to the queen mother may have an easier time growing up but she has paid a very high price---her authenticity.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers are continually working to recognize and value their true selves and give honor and respect to their uniqueness. After working hard to separate themselves psychologically from the narcissistic mother, they are free to develop their creative gifts, to use their drive to succeed on their own without the psychological baggage of always trying to please mother. It is surprising how deeply they feel and care about others. They are now in touch with their own feelings and thoughts--not mother's. The self develops over a lifetime. We are a work in progress---a masterpiece in the making---always in the dynamic state of becoming. The self contually evolves, sends out vibrant shoots that grow every day with our efforts. We keep an eye on activating as much of our potential as possible. At the same time, we live fully and freely, savoring this moment. Visit my website: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Narcissist-Identity Theft
Identity theft is a serious crime. So many people have been victimized by this dreadful personal violation. It can take years to resolve and recover from this crime.
Narcissists are thieves of the self---personal identity. Most people never suspect that the very attractive, bright, successful and immensely charming man or woman who is mesmerizing them, if given the go ahead, will steal a vital aspect of their identities--that which is most authentic inside of you. The narcissist is a controller through and through---no exceptions. He or she is always in charge, telling everyone else exactly what to do---especially spouses and partners. The narcissist eclipses the many facets of you that are destined to grow and expand--your creativity, sense of peace, psychological security, mental spaciousness, your sense of humor.
Many of us were "Prisoners of Childhood" as Alice Miller so brilliantly described the child who grew up with parents who could not love or permit their children to be themselves. Now, as adults you have the power and the absolute right to say "no" to the narcissist---"I have a separate unique identity; I have the right to be myself. I have gifts and energies that are part of my human inheritance."
The narcissist with all of his bluster, grandiosity, intimidations, manipulations and exploitations cannot take anything from you. You are in charge and your singular life holds incalculable value. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Narcissists are thieves of the self---personal identity. Most people never suspect that the very attractive, bright, successful and immensely charming man or woman who is mesmerizing them, if given the go ahead, will steal a vital aspect of their identities--that which is most authentic inside of you. The narcissist is a controller through and through---no exceptions. He or she is always in charge, telling everyone else exactly what to do---especially spouses and partners. The narcissist eclipses the many facets of you that are destined to grow and expand--your creativity, sense of peace, psychological security, mental spaciousness, your sense of humor.
Many of us were "Prisoners of Childhood" as Alice Miller so brilliantly described the child who grew up with parents who could not love or permit their children to be themselves. Now, as adults you have the power and the absolute right to say "no" to the narcissist---"I have a separate unique identity; I have the right to be myself. I have gifts and energies that are part of my human inheritance."
The narcissist with all of his bluster, grandiosity, intimidations, manipulations and exploitations cannot take anything from you. You are in charge and your singular life holds incalculable value. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Creating Narcissist Free Zones
When we live in a narcissistic society it is essential that we create spaces in our minds, imaginations, our emotional reservoir and physical space that resonate with steadiness, creativity and peace. Learning to cultivate solitude is an essential aspect of living that so many have lost or never discovered. We have a right and a need to be alone and to enjoy our own company. For some, it's like a baby duck racing to the waters edge without prompting from mother. A little wobbly at first---this tiny fluff of living beauty is soon gliding to the rhythm of the river. For others, being alone and feeling secure in one's own company needs to be learned. Taken in small doses at first, without judgment and doing it your own way, individuals discover that the capacity to be alone provides us with immense gifts of the imagination, reverie, fantasies, tales that spin in the mind, reminiscences of the past---sweet and poignant.
Those who live with narcissists are faced with a special challenge. If you are the child of a narcissist, you vividly recall the intrusiveness of the narcissistic parent or the absence of this individual from your life. Those married to narcissists have the great task of keeping their psychological and emotional boundaries intact despite the demands, delusions and manipulations of their partners. Some spouses decide that they will remain married for a variety of reasons and develop and screen off an essential part of themselves they do not share with the narcissistic partner. This is a very tall order since the narcissist is a supreme controller and insists on dictating how everyone else lives---even to the point of monitoring thinking processes. Some of those who remain with narcissistic spouses find peace in spiritual practices, trusted friendships, creative endeavors and driven focus on their professions lives.
For many spouses the decision is to lead a life that is free of a narcissist by divorcing this individual. I have communicated with many former spouses who have re-created their lives after an ugly divorce and now live in narcissist free zones. These individuals feel that they have another chance---a new cycle has begun and they are energized and hopeful. They are unfettered, live in mental and emotional spaciousness, breathe deeply and feel a steady secure sense of well being.
Sometimes, we are faced with narcissists in our daily lives with whom we do business or are required to meet with socially as part of our professions. We use our social skills and treat people appropriately.
Ultimately, in personal relationships, we do the choosing. If we are observing and intuiting that the person who wants to meet with us socially is a narcissist, we can tactfully back away from forming a relationship with this person. Most narcissists announce their presence with all flags flying. Some are the covert type and take more observation and study. Your intuition will tip you off every time if you learn to respect and pay attention to it.
As you create narcissist free zones, you will learn to deepen your periods of solitude and the enjoyment of your own company. In addition, you are making room for authentic relationships that expand your sense of self. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Those who live with narcissists are faced with a special challenge. If you are the child of a narcissist, you vividly recall the intrusiveness of the narcissistic parent or the absence of this individual from your life. Those married to narcissists have the great task of keeping their psychological and emotional boundaries intact despite the demands, delusions and manipulations of their partners. Some spouses decide that they will remain married for a variety of reasons and develop and screen off an essential part of themselves they do not share with the narcissistic partner. This is a very tall order since the narcissist is a supreme controller and insists on dictating how everyone else lives---even to the point of monitoring thinking processes. Some of those who remain with narcissistic spouses find peace in spiritual practices, trusted friendships, creative endeavors and driven focus on their professions lives.
For many spouses the decision is to lead a life that is free of a narcissist by divorcing this individual. I have communicated with many former spouses who have re-created their lives after an ugly divorce and now live in narcissist free zones. These individuals feel that they have another chance---a new cycle has begun and they are energized and hopeful. They are unfettered, live in mental and emotional spaciousness, breathe deeply and feel a steady secure sense of well being.
Sometimes, we are faced with narcissists in our daily lives with whom we do business or are required to meet with socially as part of our professions. We use our social skills and treat people appropriately.
Ultimately, in personal relationships, we do the choosing. If we are observing and intuiting that the person who wants to meet with us socially is a narcissist, we can tactfully back away from forming a relationship with this person. Most narcissists announce their presence with all flags flying. Some are the covert type and take more observation and study. Your intuition will tip you off every time if you learn to respect and pay attention to it.
As you create narcissist free zones, you will learn to deepen your periods of solitude and the enjoyment of your own company. In addition, you are making room for authentic relationships that expand your sense of self. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Friday, September 24, 2010
DeTox from the Narcissist in Your Life
Narcissists poison the wells of our humanity. They are highly touted and feted in current society. As they grow in numbers and gain more status and monetary heft in the world, remember that there are ways for you to protect yourself from narcissistic personalities. I communicate with many individuals who have been involved with and married to narcissists, are children of narcissists and are associated with narcissists in business. Their life stories speak of great emotional and psychological pain (often intolerable) that has been and is perpetrated on them by narcissistic personalities.
There are a series of steps you can take to protect yourself and continue to grow as a solid individual. It is invaluable to do research and study all facets of the narcissistic personality disorder. Many people still believe that these people are a bit self absorbed, somewhat selfish, vain and manipulative at times. That is untrue. Narcissistic personality disorder is a serious personality disturbance. It begins when a child is very young. He or she is often molded by the parent(s) to be recognized as the perfect child, the crowning achievement of the parent's greatest ego yearnings. As a result the budding narcissist never learns to consider the needs, pain or individuality of another human being. He or she is left to do whatever they want. There are no restrictions on this child and the parents ignore the many cruelties that young narcissists perpetrate on their siblings and school mates. The narcissist does not develop a conscience. Everything is based on expediency--"What must I have to win?" This is the essential question. Everything else---feelings of others, emotional harm, humiliations and cruelties are not real for the narcissist. Being at the top, succeeding, pushing others aside are all part of the narcissist's style of dealing with fellow human beings. He views them as objects that he can use to achieve his goals. They are as disposable as some worthless inanimate object. When they no longer function to enhance the narcissist's hunger for ego supplies, they are permanently exiled as part of the perfect external image the narcissist has created.
If you have been involved with a narcissist in any role---especially if you have been married to or are partnered with a narcissist or are the child of a narcissist, it is time to detoxify and heal from this unholy union. These are some steps you can take to recovery:
1. Keep a psychological distance from the narcissist. In some instances it is necessary to also maintain a physical separation from these toxic individuals.
2. Build a solid self that sees clearly through the narcissist's delusion.
3. Get in touch with the calming, healing part of yourself through modalities such as gentle yoga and meditation that increase the power of the relaxation response, quiet the nervous system and provide you with a steady sense of internal emotional and psychological well being.
4.Develop and practice new routines that make you stronger on every level: physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Cardiovascular exercise (what works best for you) makes the body structure strong and strengthens the immune system. Find routines that promote inner peace. This can be special reading, creative work, independent study of subjects that you love, spending more time with Nature.
5.Make decisions based on what you value most and what is in your best interest on every level. You will feel yourself changing gradually, becoming more expanded, at peace, engaged creatively, and spiritually progressing---in whatever way you define this concept.
To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder and how you can achieve the wholeness and peace that you deserve, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
There are a series of steps you can take to protect yourself and continue to grow as a solid individual. It is invaluable to do research and study all facets of the narcissistic personality disorder. Many people still believe that these people are a bit self absorbed, somewhat selfish, vain and manipulative at times. That is untrue. Narcissistic personality disorder is a serious personality disturbance. It begins when a child is very young. He or she is often molded by the parent(s) to be recognized as the perfect child, the crowning achievement of the parent's greatest ego yearnings. As a result the budding narcissist never learns to consider the needs, pain or individuality of another human being. He or she is left to do whatever they want. There are no restrictions on this child and the parents ignore the many cruelties that young narcissists perpetrate on their siblings and school mates. The narcissist does not develop a conscience. Everything is based on expediency--"What must I have to win?" This is the essential question. Everything else---feelings of others, emotional harm, humiliations and cruelties are not real for the narcissist. Being at the top, succeeding, pushing others aside are all part of the narcissist's style of dealing with fellow human beings. He views them as objects that he can use to achieve his goals. They are as disposable as some worthless inanimate object. When they no longer function to enhance the narcissist's hunger for ego supplies, they are permanently exiled as part of the perfect external image the narcissist has created.
If you have been involved with a narcissist in any role---especially if you have been married to or are partnered with a narcissist or are the child of a narcissist, it is time to detoxify and heal from this unholy union. These are some steps you can take to recovery:
1. Keep a psychological distance from the narcissist. In some instances it is necessary to also maintain a physical separation from these toxic individuals.
2. Build a solid self that sees clearly through the narcissist's delusion.
3. Get in touch with the calming, healing part of yourself through modalities such as gentle yoga and meditation that increase the power of the relaxation response, quiet the nervous system and provide you with a steady sense of internal emotional and psychological well being.
4.Develop and practice new routines that make you stronger on every level: physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Cardiovascular exercise (what works best for you) makes the body structure strong and strengthens the immune system. Find routines that promote inner peace. This can be special reading, creative work, independent study of subjects that you love, spending more time with Nature.
5.Make decisions based on what you value most and what is in your best interest on every level. You will feel yourself changing gradually, becoming more expanded, at peace, engaged creatively, and spiritually progressing---in whatever way you define this concept.
To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder and how you can achieve the wholeness and peace that you deserve, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Married to a Narcissist-Addicted to a Lifestyle
High level narcissists, those standout individuals who have success in all of their business and social endeavors, are plentiful today and growing in numbers. Many go through a series of marriages, like a television soap opera. I have spoken with a number of ex-spouses of narcissists who were obsessed with the heady lifestyle that accompanies these unions. High level narcissists with their adoring circle of admirers creates a stir wherever they land. Those who marry narcissists, regardless of their professional accomplishments, are required to play the supportive role to the star of the company. Often golden couples who shine in public, in private the scenes between the partners turn very ugly. Narcissists are perfectionists and manipulators. They think nothing of spewing their narcissistic rage, accusations and criticisms when the partner is not mirroring them perfectly. Although they live in material privilege, these spouses are treated like inanimate possessions and have no value to the narcissist as human beings. The narcissist is incapable of authentic relationships. For him or her, spouses are disposable. When the spouse of a narcissist is perceived as being beyond her prime, or some great beauty has taken his fancy, the marriage is over---this despite all of the years she has been the recipient of verbal abuse, humiliations-–this in spite the children they share. All that matters is what the narcissist wants and most have now.
Even though many spouses have grown to despise their narcissistic spouses, they are addicted to the flashy lifestyle, the ability to travel to any corner of the world, to satisfy their needs to purchase whatever they desire, to be noticed as the chosen partner of the golden couple.
Narcissists can make the divorce process unbearable for the soon to be ex-spouse. They play very dirty, lying and manipulating their way through the process. Once the papers are signed, most narcissists are off to their new life with another partner with whom they have been previously involved. The abandoned spouse is often left with limited financial resources and deep emotional and psychological pain. Some ex-spouses put their lives back together after a long journey of self recovery. They recognize that they had been mistaken. They thought they had married someone whom they loved and would reciprocate. Instead they became deluded and lost in the sparkling delusion of the narcissistic lifestyle. To protect yourself from these fateful relationships and to become highly knowledgeable about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life.
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Narcissists-Masters of the Martyr Role
Narcissists have so many tricks up their sleeves it's difficult to keep count. Since childhood they have learned to persuade others, through guile, exquisite charm or intimidation, to manipulate anyone in their environment. Parents of narcissists are often narcissistic themselves. They mold the child to believe that he or she is perfect, superior to others and that there are no rules that have to be obeyed. The budding narcissist has no limits. The parent (s) does not rerquire that the child express compassion or concern for others including school mates and friends. The young narcissist learns very early that he can manipulate and exploit others to reach any goal he or she chooses.
The adult narcissist becomes a master of deceit and exploitation. His outer image is so charming and irresistible that no one can say "No" to him. Many perspective partners of narcissists are carried away with this magnetic charm, their incredible self confidence, personal power and exciting future plans, that they are swept up in this vision of a perfect life and believe it will come true. The spouse of a narcissist can be married for many years to this individual without realizing that he or she is a narcissistic personality disorder and will not change. When the marriage goes very wrong and the narcissist wants out of the relationship, he pulls out all of the stops: he threatens to leave the spouse without any financial resources; he will take full custody of the children (based on heinous lies that are often very convincing); he or she uses clever attorneys to put his financial resources off shore in in accounts that cannot be traced.
When all else fails and it is divorce countdown time, the narcissist pivots into the role of a lifetime--The Martyr. Now he is the one who has been emotionally and psychologically damaged. His spouse has caused so much stress that he can no longer function. He or she might even get an unethical medical report that states that the other spouse has compromised his health. When you are in the process of divorce with a narcissist in the victim role, make sure that you have chosen a very astute attorney who is an expert in domestic laws and who has a clear understanding of this kind of personality type---just how vicious, mendacious and vindictive they truly are. Interview several attorneys to make sure you have made the wisest decision. Study and research all aspects and details of the narcissistic personality disorder. Call upon trusted friends for support and understanding. In some cases spouses find that excellent psychotherapy can help them move through these highly stressful parts of the divorce process. Interview therapists with great care. It is worth the search to find one who is both highly knowledgeable on the subject of narcissistic personality and a therapist who is highly empathic. Be kind to yourself and know that you will get through this process to reclaim a life that belongs to you---a way of living that is productive, peaceful, creative. You are the author and director of your life. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The adult narcissist becomes a master of deceit and exploitation. His outer image is so charming and irresistible that no one can say "No" to him. Many perspective partners of narcissists are carried away with this magnetic charm, their incredible self confidence, personal power and exciting future plans, that they are swept up in this vision of a perfect life and believe it will come true. The spouse of a narcissist can be married for many years to this individual without realizing that he or she is a narcissistic personality disorder and will not change. When the marriage goes very wrong and the narcissist wants out of the relationship, he pulls out all of the stops: he threatens to leave the spouse without any financial resources; he will take full custody of the children (based on heinous lies that are often very convincing); he or she uses clever attorneys to put his financial resources off shore in in accounts that cannot be traced.
When all else fails and it is divorce countdown time, the narcissist pivots into the role of a lifetime--The Martyr. Now he is the one who has been emotionally and psychologically damaged. His spouse has caused so much stress that he can no longer function. He or she might even get an unethical medical report that states that the other spouse has compromised his health. When you are in the process of divorce with a narcissist in the victim role, make sure that you have chosen a very astute attorney who is an expert in domestic laws and who has a clear understanding of this kind of personality type---just how vicious, mendacious and vindictive they truly are. Interview several attorneys to make sure you have made the wisest decision. Study and research all aspects and details of the narcissistic personality disorder. Call upon trusted friends for support and understanding. In some cases spouses find that excellent psychotherapy can help them move through these highly stressful parts of the divorce process. Interview therapists with great care. It is worth the search to find one who is both highly knowledgeable on the subject of narcissistic personality and a therapist who is highly empathic. Be kind to yourself and know that you will get through this process to reclaim a life that belongs to you---a way of living that is productive, peaceful, creative. You are the author and director of your life. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Friday, September 17, 2010
Narcissistic Men Denigrate Women
Narcissistic men are gifted seducers, magnetizing women to them so smoothly and easily. Narcissistic men are often physically attractive, bright, socially adroit and very self confident. Male narcissists both despise and fear women. They are incapable of loving them. One classic pattern begins with the narcissistic mother who chooses one son as her perfect puppet, a reflection of her perfection. Her little darling is picked to be the mother's psychological partner. The father is out of the picture. For this budding narcissist, there are no behavioral limits, no need for conscience, no rules. Everything is perfect as long as mother approves. Narcissistic men grow to be false selves. They are all image. They cannot be true to themselves or anyone else. Male narcissists denigrate women because they are unconsciously projecting their feelings of helplessness and rage felt toward mother on to their spouses. The narcissistic mother has psychologically emasculated her son. To protect yourself from marrying a narcissistic man, research and study the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Divorce Narcissistic Spouse-for Yourself and Your Children
Divorce is wrenching, inside and out. When there are children involved it is even more complex and painful. There is a time when divorce is the wisest decision. This is often very clear when a spouse is locked into a marriage with a narcissistic partner. The narcissist has psychologically poisoned the relationship and has begun to have a very negative effect on the children. He plays one off against the other. Narcissists play dirty games; they lie incessantly and many of them are highly sadistic. They obtain pleasure from watching others close to them suffer as a result of their cruel deeds. And they will not stop. They don't have a "delete cruelty" button. They are inhumane---Don't wait for them to change and you can't fix them.
I hear from individuals every day that are struggling in marital relationships with narcissists. They are suffering horribly, feel imprisoned and frozen with fear. The narcissistic partner has a psychological strangle hold over the victimized spouse and the children. The more hope you hold out for change in this individual the deeper the pain you will eventually bring on yourself. This is a fixed, severe personality disorder that is most unlikely to ever change. Narcissists today are rewarded constantly for their outrageous and destructive behaviors toward others, especially family members.
You will make the final decision about this marriage. Read and study the narcissistic personality disorder. That will give you a strong foundation of information. Trust your intuition. If you have children, keep them uppermost in your mind as you consider all of your options. Take good care of yourself. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
I hear from individuals every day that are struggling in marital relationships with narcissists. They are suffering horribly, feel imprisoned and frozen with fear. The narcissistic partner has a psychological strangle hold over the victimized spouse and the children. The more hope you hold out for change in this individual the deeper the pain you will eventually bring on yourself. This is a fixed, severe personality disorder that is most unlikely to ever change. Narcissists today are rewarded constantly for their outrageous and destructive behaviors toward others, especially family members.
You will make the final decision about this marriage. Read and study the narcissistic personality disorder. That will give you a strong foundation of information. Trust your intuition. If you have children, keep them uppermost in your mind as you consider all of your options. Take good care of yourself. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Discover and Use Your Creative Gifts
So many women in particular (there are male victims as well who suffer horribly) are being psychologically and emotionally abused by narcissistic spouses. During marriages long and short the narcissist is the tyrannical figure in their lives. After all of the life stories I have heard and read I am still surprised at the extreme manipulation, exploitation and raw cruelty these spouses endure. Some of them have bought the narcissist's delusional dream and live in tandem with him, while their lives are being siphoned off. With the exposure of more specific information about the destructive sequelae of living with a narcissist, more women (and men) are waking up and realizing that they are entitled to lead a life to think their own thoughts, be at peace, imagine and dream freely and activate their creativity.
I recently watched video interviews of two of our greatest living suspense writers: Ruth Rendell and P.D. James. These are inspiring human beings. They have great talent but work at their craft with discipline, purpose and joy. Everyone is creative in a myriad of ways. Allow you mind to wander quietly and freely---What do you love to do--take photographs, uses pencils to draw, adore the colors of watercolors as they drip across a page, knit intricate stitches in rhythm, write in a private diary, create characters and stories that enter your imagination and spring to life, spend time close to the plants, bushes, flowers and trees outside, watch the skies at night and feel the planets and stars so close to you. There are innumerable ways to be creative; it is part of our nature. When you create, no one--not your parents of the past, your spouse of the present or anyone else can control you. You have moved to another level of consciousness and the power of the imagination is captivating you. In these moments, we are free of suffering, of what others expect us to be. We are our most authentic selves. Embrace these facets of yourself. They are gifts given to each human being. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
I recently watched video interviews of two of our greatest living suspense writers: Ruth Rendell and P.D. James. These are inspiring human beings. They have great talent but work at their craft with discipline, purpose and joy. Everyone is creative in a myriad of ways. Allow you mind to wander quietly and freely---What do you love to do--take photographs, uses pencils to draw, adore the colors of watercolors as they drip across a page, knit intricate stitches in rhythm, write in a private diary, create characters and stories that enter your imagination and spring to life, spend time close to the plants, bushes, flowers and trees outside, watch the skies at night and feel the planets and stars so close to you. There are innumerable ways to be creative; it is part of our nature. When you create, no one--not your parents of the past, your spouse of the present or anyone else can control you. You have moved to another level of consciousness and the power of the imagination is captivating you. In these moments, we are free of suffering, of what others expect us to be. We are our most authentic selves. Embrace these facets of yourself. They are gifts given to each human being. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Covert Narcissists-Hardball Wearing Velvet Gloves
Covert narcissists are often effusive with those whom they need to impress. Compliments flow from their mouths; they praise those whom they need to influence. They pay attention to you, anticipating your needs and desires. They place themselves as servant.
The reasons behind these heavy theatrics is that you are their ticket to power access, first rate connections that will place them on a steep trajectory toward high level success. You are not an individual to them---you are a vehicle, a conduit to the top of the mountain.
The covert narcissist has a special style. He is highly articulate and convincingly self effacing, even humble The covert narcissist is watching you. They know when you are at a low ebb—depressed, feeling flat, disliking yourself, had too many obstacles and too few solutions and are overwhelmed by your current life.
The covert narcissist, at your very worst moment, comes on the scene unannounced—it’s the ambush play, the shock treatment. He or she pretends to care about you. Some people make the classic mistake of telling the covert narcissist that they are suffering----This is a very bad idea---it plays into their feelings of superiority, their competition with you, needing to be on top of life at all times. They enters stage left in full regalia---looking perfect from head to toe---The nonverbal give them away. The covert narcissist is exceedingly pleased with himself. He is up; you are down. He is luxuriating in the perfection of his life and the ruin of yours. This is clearly implied in his or her gestures and facial expressions. The covert narcissists moves through a series of throw away lines about himself—he just met one of the biggest movers and shakers in his profession and has been selected to head up a project that will pay a hefty sum. In a month or two a long trip is in the works. His children are all top students and excelling in every field of endeavor in which they are involved. These bits of information are communicated like quick asides that indicate their lack of importance. But they are the message: I am powerful, perfect, very successful, and very attractive. My life is going swimmingly—all horizons endlessly clear and open. What the hell’s the matter? You worthless failure!.
Covert narcissists are just as psychologically dangerous as their brothers and sisters of the grandiose variety, at times more so, since they operate as double agents. If you suspect that a spouse , family member or co-worker is a covert narcissist, tune up your intuition and study in detail every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder. When people make too nice, feel the hair on the nape of your neck rise and pay attention. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book:Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Book:Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Monday, September 13, 2010
The Narcissist Giveth-The Narcissist Taketh Away
Narcissists are predictably unpredictable. They plan, plot, scheme and control everyone in their environment--especially their spouses and children. This extends to their business lives. They create pecking orders, hierarchies of power with themselves at the top tier. Narcissists are constantly talking about their grandiose plans and are very convincing and confident. As a result many narcissists are very successful in their professional lives. When the narcissist cannot achieve his goals and aspirations with tact and salesmanship he/she stealthily uses manipulation and ruthlessness as the ultimate motivators to get what he wants and needs to feed his ravenous ego.
If a narcissistic mother or father recognizes that one of his children is not reflecting his perfection or is not attractive or bright enough, this young person is treated with disdain and humiliation in front of other family members. Children of narcissists who insist on being themselves are often exiled from the family. If the family is affluent, it is not unusual for them to sent to full time boarding school very early. The narcissistic parent washes his hands of this "uncooperative brat." This child is a permanent exile, a poor relation, rather than his child.
Narcissists habitually make promises to spouses and children. They create grandiose plans that are believed by their family members. The narcissist is often the bearer of extravagant gifts, exotic vacations. Even narcissists who are not affluent, often give their children special privileges if they are obeying the narcissist's rules to the letter. There will come a time when the narcissistic parent pulls a fast one and causes trauma and heartache to his spouse and children. His daughter has been planning for months to go to summer camp with her friends. At the last minute, a day before departure, dad decides that she will spend the summer with her grandmother in another state. This decision is irrevocable: no reprieve, no change in this papal edict. Mother often capitulates to father since siding with her child will make life with the spouse even more intolerable.
The narcissist is not the least bit concerned about the effect these extreme shifts in decisions has on his family. He often criticizes those close to him for not being more flexible and open minded. The narcissist takes over the lives of his family. He is the author of their life scripts. A promise to help his or her child through college will quickly be rescinded at the last moment without explanation or apology. Something more compelling has the narcissist's attention. The consequences of these impulsive unexplainable reversal of commitments are of no concern to the narcissist. His explanation could be that he is teaching his child to have a strong character and, therefore, has no obligation to assist him. The narcissist then moves into a long explanation about his own childhood, how he is self made and that everything he owns, he created with committed drive, focus and effort. The narcissist's family story is completely untrue. Often the narcissist was a golden child and received anything he wanted , no questions asked. I have heard heart breaking renditions of a cruel marital theme. A couple is having marital difficulties; the narcissistic spouse agrees to go into couples' therapy; the narcissists attends a few times---Then suddenly announces that he is getting a quick divorce because he has found his true love. He abandons his wife and family and moves on.
This painful theme is perpetrated repeatedly by the narcissist. The psychological injury that this causes spouses and his children is incalculable. Protect yourself from the narcissist's cunning manipulations and cruel games by learning everything you can about the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
If a narcissistic mother or father recognizes that one of his children is not reflecting his perfection or is not attractive or bright enough, this young person is treated with disdain and humiliation in front of other family members. Children of narcissists who insist on being themselves are often exiled from the family. If the family is affluent, it is not unusual for them to sent to full time boarding school very early. The narcissistic parent washes his hands of this "uncooperative brat." This child is a permanent exile, a poor relation, rather than his child.
Narcissists habitually make promises to spouses and children. They create grandiose plans that are believed by their family members. The narcissist is often the bearer of extravagant gifts, exotic vacations. Even narcissists who are not affluent, often give their children special privileges if they are obeying the narcissist's rules to the letter. There will come a time when the narcissistic parent pulls a fast one and causes trauma and heartache to his spouse and children. His daughter has been planning for months to go to summer camp with her friends. At the last minute, a day before departure, dad decides that she will spend the summer with her grandmother in another state. This decision is irrevocable: no reprieve, no change in this papal edict. Mother often capitulates to father since siding with her child will make life with the spouse even more intolerable.
The narcissist is not the least bit concerned about the effect these extreme shifts in decisions has on his family. He often criticizes those close to him for not being more flexible and open minded. The narcissist takes over the lives of his family. He is the author of their life scripts. A promise to help his or her child through college will quickly be rescinded at the last moment without explanation or apology. Something more compelling has the narcissist's attention. The consequences of these impulsive unexplainable reversal of commitments are of no concern to the narcissist. His explanation could be that he is teaching his child to have a strong character and, therefore, has no obligation to assist him. The narcissist then moves into a long explanation about his own childhood, how he is self made and that everything he owns, he created with committed drive, focus and effort. The narcissist's family story is completely untrue. Often the narcissist was a golden child and received anything he wanted , no questions asked. I have heard heart breaking renditions of a cruel marital theme. A couple is having marital difficulties; the narcissistic spouse agrees to go into couples' therapy; the narcissists attends a few times---Then suddenly announces that he is getting a quick divorce because he has found his true love. He abandons his wife and family and moves on.
This painful theme is perpetrated repeatedly by the narcissist. The psychological injury that this causes spouses and his children is incalculable. Protect yourself from the narcissist's cunning manipulations and cruel games by learning everything you can about the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Narcissists-Don't Expect Formal Justice or Punishment
Narcissists know how to manipulate their way out of trouble---even if there are serious ethical violations or illegal activities involved. Some narcissists finally tumble and we watch them finally get their due and pay the consequences. This doesn't happen often. If you are waiting for your ex-narcissistic husband or wife to be brought down due to his cruel, manipulative and devastating behaviors toward his family, don't hold your breath. We can not put our faith even in the courts to obtain justice. Narcissists find clever ways around legal issues. If they have large sums of money at their disposal, there are situations in which they manipulate the outcome of legal proceedings. I know of cases in which a narcissistic spouse ended up wresting custody control from the other partner.
Each narcissists has his or her own unique style of treachery. Some narcissistic spouses go off to another cycle of life with a new partner, disregard their children and act as if the past never occurred. Other dig in their heels, prolong the narcissistic divorce wars, pull every kind of ruse and manipulation at their disposal and even refuse to formerly resolve the divorce. This is achieved through stalling and manipulative tactics. The goal here is revenge. In many cases the just result is not achieved. The narcissist, especially if he or she has the monetary means and a group of clever and unscrupulous attorneys, can outplay and win over a just outcome. I have seen this happen too often to be dismissive of narcissistic treachery.
We deal with the cold manipulations of the narcissist with our personal resolve, moral strength and psychological perseverance and a deep knowledge of the complex psychopathology of the narcissistic personality disorder. We bolster our ourselves with the consistent solid support of trusted friends and family members. And we never give up , give in, show fear, react with fear and intimidation or compromise our moral and ethical standards. The narcissist with all of his harmful maneuvers cannot take over our lives. We have made a firm decision that we are entitled to live with integrity and peace as committed seekers of truth. We continue to evolve and grow emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. No one can interfere with our resolve and the manifestation of this level of integrity that we demonstrate with our lives every day. Those who take this stand will never be compromised. This pathway is clear, straight and true. With each step, strength, resolve and vitality grow. The plots of delusional narcissists quiver beneath the forces of unwavering truth, fearlessness and unshakable integrity. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Each narcissists has his or her own unique style of treachery. Some narcissistic spouses go off to another cycle of life with a new partner, disregard their children and act as if the past never occurred. Other dig in their heels, prolong the narcissistic divorce wars, pull every kind of ruse and manipulation at their disposal and even refuse to formerly resolve the divorce. This is achieved through stalling and manipulative tactics. The goal here is revenge. In many cases the just result is not achieved. The narcissist, especially if he or she has the monetary means and a group of clever and unscrupulous attorneys, can outplay and win over a just outcome. I have seen this happen too often to be dismissive of narcissistic treachery.
We deal with the cold manipulations of the narcissist with our personal resolve, moral strength and psychological perseverance and a deep knowledge of the complex psychopathology of the narcissistic personality disorder. We bolster our ourselves with the consistent solid support of trusted friends and family members. And we never give up , give in, show fear, react with fear and intimidation or compromise our moral and ethical standards. The narcissist with all of his harmful maneuvers cannot take over our lives. We have made a firm decision that we are entitled to live with integrity and peace as committed seekers of truth. We continue to evolve and grow emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. No one can interfere with our resolve and the manifestation of this level of integrity that we demonstrate with our lives every day. Those who take this stand will never be compromised. This pathway is clear, straight and true. With each step, strength, resolve and vitality grow. The plots of delusional narcissists quiver beneath the forces of unwavering truth, fearlessness and unshakable integrity. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Covert Narcissists-Hiding in the Weeds
When we visualize a narcissist we imagine him or her at center stage, all eyes riveted. High level narcissists, those who are highly successful in the world, come with great fanfare. They announce their presence. Everything about them is impeccable: their clothing, physical attractiveness, smooth social skills and personal magnetism. These narcissists are natural salesmen and extroverts. They obsessively talk about themselves, their auspicious achievements, superiority, etc ad nauseam. At times they focus on someone whom they know they can control and manipulate for their purposes. Then the narcissist focuses his attention specifically on the chosen person who will fulfill some goal or wish for the narcissist.
We have another style of narcissist---the covert narcissist. He appears as a humble, low key individual, ready to serve, caring individual. The covert narcissist firmly believes he has a sterling character and convinces others of this dreadful lie. In the beginning you feel like the covert narcissist will do anything for you. Some of them put themselves in the role of servant to you. Despite their purported servant status covert narcissists eventually display their sharp teeth. If they believe that you are competing with them for money, status or some one's affections, they will take you on: spread lies about you, think nothing of ruining your reputation, disburse all of your confidential information and employ any number of tactics to vanquish you.
The covert narcissist, after perpetrating all of this psychological damage, returns to his/her above reproach, even holy image until the next time he is driven to win at all costs. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
We have another style of narcissist---the covert narcissist. He appears as a humble, low key individual, ready to serve, caring individual. The covert narcissist firmly believes he has a sterling character and convinces others of this dreadful lie. In the beginning you feel like the covert narcissist will do anything for you. Some of them put themselves in the role of servant to you. Despite their purported servant status covert narcissists eventually display their sharp teeth. If they believe that you are competing with them for money, status or some one's affections, they will take you on: spread lies about you, think nothing of ruining your reputation, disburse all of your confidential information and employ any number of tactics to vanquish you.
The covert narcissist, after perpetrating all of this psychological damage, returns to his/her above reproach, even holy image until the next time he is driven to win at all costs. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Narcissists-Deceit upon Deceit
The narcissist is never straight or true. He is programed to be deceitful. He or she betrays others in this way so smoothly that most people don't have a hint that they have been compromised. The narcissist deceives without conscience or concern for the welfare of anyone but himself. Deceit in the narcissist is what psychoanalysts call ego syntonic, meaning that it is experienced as normal and natural to this individual. Most of us feel uncomfortable and very guilty when we trick someone for the purpose of our personal gain. We feel guilty and ashamed. This is not part of the narcissist's personality structure. The need to be truthful and go by the rules is absent in these individuals. They seek a direct route to their goals and if that includes the manipulation and deception of others, so be it. He can always make excuses later, meaning adding to the lies is easy and natural to him. A high level narcissist is skilled at keeping his "stories" straight. He piles lie upon lie and is so convincing that his victims buy the explanations. One of the ways that narcissists get away with multiple deceits is by making big promises and creating grandiose visions for their partners and other members of the golden circle. Even when a narcissist gets caught, he continues to lie and use subterfuge to protect his public image. After all of his destructive behaviors that have harmed so many, including his children and spouses, the narcissist continues to have followers who still come to his defense. In extreme cases, where the marriage has dissolved, there are instances in which the narcissist turned his previous spouse's family against the victim. That's how diabolically masterful the narcissist is at the art of deception.
When you can no longer be lied to every day, when you are exhausted from the deceitful manipulations perpetrated upon you and your children and disgusted with being forced to live someone else's life script, you can decide to stay and compromise or you can move toward a final severing of the partnership or marriage.
I hear from many individuals who took this final step. They report that the struggle to be free was worth the ordeal. They are at peace with their decision and would never return to life with a narcissist despite the heady promises. They have reclaimed themselves, are growing, separating and individuating, nourishing their creative gifts and finding a peaceful refuge inside themselves. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
When you can no longer be lied to every day, when you are exhausted from the deceitful manipulations perpetrated upon you and your children and disgusted with being forced to live someone else's life script, you can decide to stay and compromise or you can move toward a final severing of the partnership or marriage.
I hear from many individuals who took this final step. They report that the struggle to be free was worth the ordeal. They are at peace with their decision and would never return to life with a narcissist despite the heady promises. They have reclaimed themselves, are growing, separating and individuating, nourishing their creative gifts and finding a peaceful refuge inside themselves. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Leaving My Narcissistic Mother
I am speaking to all of those who have suffered at the hands of a narcissistic family member, particularly a narcissistic mother. All parents have flaws--but narcissistic parents are among the worst. One of the most difficult roles in life is to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother. I hear from so many of these individuals who tell their stories with courage and great candor. It is very difficult to acknowledge that you didn't feel love from your mother. This lack of feeling on the part of mother is often normalized by the young child. She says to herself : "That's the way mom is; she doesn't express tender emotions. Mother expects me to be perfect, made in her image." "If I obey and do eveything she expects perfectly, I know mom will love me some day." This time never comes as much as the child has convinced herself that a miracle can take place and that her wishes and prayers will be answered.
Some daughters of narcissistic mothers go into an emotional deep freeze. They have been hurt and disappointed so many times that they unconsciously force themselves not to expect any affection from mother. This response can generalize to behaviors of emotional alienation and social isolation. Other daughters, feeling needly and desperate, fall carelessly into the arms of those who can't be trusted with their tender feelings and painful wants. These women often become victims of exploitive men who dominate them and break their spirit and any potential sense of independence. And there are daughters of narcissistic mothers who are molded and become narcissists, continuing the family tradition of spreading deep psychological and emotional pain.
Each daughter is a unique individual and has suffered the narcissistic mother wound. Some make a decision by will or default to continue to cope with an impossible narcissistic mother. Others decide that the pathological bond must be severed. These daughters leave behind the painful pieces of a relationship that never worked because authentic maternal love, the essential ingredient, was missing. Some of these daughters find warmth, acceptance and understanding from surrogate mothers--family members and friends.
So many of these incredible daughters with whom I have communicated are loving, caring, compassionate women. They deserve our honor and a deep wish that they have discovered deep love and inner peace that resides within them. Visit my website: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Some daughters of narcissistic mothers go into an emotional deep freeze. They have been hurt and disappointed so many times that they unconsciously force themselves not to expect any affection from mother. This response can generalize to behaviors of emotional alienation and social isolation. Other daughters, feeling needly and desperate, fall carelessly into the arms of those who can't be trusted with their tender feelings and painful wants. These women often become victims of exploitive men who dominate them and break their spirit and any potential sense of independence. And there are daughters of narcissistic mothers who are molded and become narcissists, continuing the family tradition of spreading deep psychological and emotional pain.
Each daughter is a unique individual and has suffered the narcissistic mother wound. Some make a decision by will or default to continue to cope with an impossible narcissistic mother. Others decide that the pathological bond must be severed. These daughters leave behind the painful pieces of a relationship that never worked because authentic maternal love, the essential ingredient, was missing. Some of these daughters find warmth, acceptance and understanding from surrogate mothers--family members and friends.
So many of these incredible daughters with whom I have communicated are loving, caring, compassionate women. They deserve our honor and a deep wish that they have discovered deep love and inner peace that resides within them. Visit my website: http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
True to a Narcissist-False to Yourself
If you are living with, married to or having a serious relationship with a narcissist, it is in your best interest to recognize that you can't be deeply involved with one of these individuals and stand on your own personal truth. Narcissists compromise the lives of everyone they encounter if you join in union with them. Narcissists plot the potential use you are to them, how they can employ you to inflate their egos, wealth, feelings of entitlement and superiority. You are a pawn in the narcissist's hands as soon as you relinquish your power to them.
Narcissists are conniving phonies. They are skilled method actors who have a charmed circle of true believers around them if they are particularly successful. Success very often has nothing to do with the truth. There are people of great integrity who experience tremendous success. The narcissist is an exception. No matter what he or she achieves, there is always a price many pay to get him to his goal. The narcissist leaves so many discarded lives in the wake of his glory and success.
If you are true to yourself, live authentically, fear no one's delusional opinions of you and are willing to buck the furious winds of fickle minds, you will be victorious over the narcissists (growing in number each day) who wander the earth in search of narcissistic supplies which often include people they are more than willing to destroy to get what they want. The narcissistic world including the vast global media gives narcissists, especially supernarcissists a huge pass because they now hold the reins of worldly power. Those who are true to themselves listen to the inner voice of the true self. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Narcissists are conniving phonies. They are skilled method actors who have a charmed circle of true believers around them if they are particularly successful. Success very often has nothing to do with the truth. There are people of great integrity who experience tremendous success. The narcissist is an exception. No matter what he or she achieves, there is always a price many pay to get him to his goal. The narcissist leaves so many discarded lives in the wake of his glory and success.
If you are true to yourself, live authentically, fear no one's delusional opinions of you and are willing to buck the furious winds of fickle minds, you will be victorious over the narcissists (growing in number each day) who wander the earth in search of narcissistic supplies which often include people they are more than willing to destroy to get what they want. The narcissistic world including the vast global media gives narcissists, especially supernarcissists a huge pass because they now hold the reins of worldly power. Those who are true to themselves listen to the inner voice of the true self. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Divorce Battles-Clash of the Narcissistic Titans
Today in the media we watch divorce battles extraordinaire between famous narcissistic couples. The level of histrionic drama is like watching a full scale production of Aida at La Scala. There are the armies of attorneys going head to head. These forays are exhibitionistic and ugly. Very public nasty divorces are craved by the media and general pubic. There is the division of property, investments, multiple residences, planes, etc. We can learn a lot from watching these sordid melodramas. When there are children involved, narcissists think nothing of dispensing with them as a huge burden unless they are to be used as human trophies of triumph. Children are of no consequence to narcissists as individual valuable human beings.
What we take away from these very public displays is that those who are not narcissistic have very different values and priorities. Learn to appreciate that your life is about becoming more authentic each day, that you have respect for other human beings. Your relationships are based on deep concern for another, not what you can obtain from some one else to get ahead. Stay on your course and let the tawdry delusional scenes become yesterday's news. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
What we take away from these very public displays is that those who are not narcissistic have very different values and priorities. Learn to appreciate that your life is about becoming more authentic each day, that you have respect for other human beings. Your relationships are based on deep concern for another, not what you can obtain from some one else to get ahead. Stay on your course and let the tawdry delusional scenes become yesterday's news. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Friday, September 3, 2010
Seeing Through the Narcissist's Seduction
Narcissists, especially those who are high level and very successful in the world, are exquisitely gifted at the art of seduction. The narcissist puts his/her romantic sights on the individual of his choosing to become the perfect partner. In the wooing stage there is nothing the narcissist won't do for the intended. He gives the impression of being able to read your mind: your deepest wishes and longings. There is a place inside of each person that is emotionally vulnerable. Those who are unaware of their psychological weakness and personal proclivities are fair game for a narcissist on the hunt. The opening rounds of the narcissist's choreography reads like a modern fairy tale. He anticipates all of your needs and is prepared to have them come true right before your eyes. Many find themselves loosing control, becoming giddy and overwhelmed by the narcissist's attentions--his/her overly generous gift giving and special attention. It is at this point that the party pursued by the narcissist can still make an early, safe exit from the tightening noose of this pathological relationship. After this phase comes psychological possession. The narcissist is fusing with you. He/she views you as his possession. At first being possessed by someone who adores you and will give you anything you want and beyond is the answer to every wish you have ever had. This is the bait and the open trap that is awaiting you. As the narcissist's secures the possession phase you have less and less control over your life, your thoughts, your behaviors, your feelings, your decisions. Individuals who have lived independently before meeting a stealthy narcissist, confess that they were seduced. They could not resist.
Learn to recognize the signs of the narcissist's clever moves. If it's too good to be true, believe it. If the promises and attentions are over the top, take heed. Listen to yourself and especially your intuition. Study the narcissist in all of his/her in detail and depth so that when one of these individuals walks into your life, you will recognize him very quickly. It is possible to have a keen sense, like a scent of narcissism that you pick up in a person. This kind of knowing together with your research will protect you from the infamous narcissistic seduction. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Learn to recognize the signs of the narcissist's clever moves. If it's too good to be true, believe it. If the promises and attentions are over the top, take heed. Listen to yourself and especially your intuition. Study the narcissist in all of his/her in detail and depth so that when one of these individuals walks into your life, you will recognize him very quickly. It is possible to have a keen sense, like a scent of narcissism that you pick up in a person. This kind of knowing together with your research will protect you from the infamous narcissistic seduction. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Married to a Narcissist-Don't Pay with Your Life
When we are children, many of us are at the mercy of our parents. Some children are blessed with kind, empathic parents. Others happen upon mothers and fathers who are good enough. Many are saddled with poor excuses for parents--those who abandon us physically, emotionally or both. And there are intolerable parents who are psychotic, sadistic, narcissistic, or have various combinations of psychological disorders. Children do the best they can to survive. Within a family, given the same parents, one child will survive the worst conditions; another will have a much more painful experience.
Eventually, the goal is to separate and individuate from the parents to become a separate, independent, solid human being who uses his/her talents, intellectual capacities to lead a successful life on every level.
Those who marry narcissists are trapped by them by a golden thread. The narcissist is so compelling and beguiling that before we know it we are seduced and eventually trapped. The narcissist creates a psychological labyrinth for his partner. "A labyrinth is a complex series of winding paths, similar to a maze...a labyrinth forces the walker to follow a specific serpentine path." The narcissist designs and orchestrates the labyrinth that the spouse must walk. Those married to narcissists eventually feel helpless since they must continue the strict pathway the narcissist has set for them. There are to be deviations. The spouse cannot be herself or himself---everything--the way you think and feel and act is decided by the narcissist. Often people in these situations have told me they felt they would never escape.
At some tipping point many of those imprisoned by the narcissist find the courage, strength, fortitude and sheer will to break through the boundaries of the labyrinth and run free (often for the first time in their lives).
The narcissistic spouse is often shocked by this independent behavior. His threats no longer work, his recriminations are impotent---You have asserted the center of the true self that no one can vanquish. As you move further and further away from your lost years in the labyrinth, you are infused with great energy, creative reserve, an abiding peace and grateful joy---and a deep sense of the preciousness of all of life. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Eventually, the goal is to separate and individuate from the parents to become a separate, independent, solid human being who uses his/her talents, intellectual capacities to lead a successful life on every level.
Those who marry narcissists are trapped by them by a golden thread. The narcissist is so compelling and beguiling that before we know it we are seduced and eventually trapped. The narcissist creates a psychological labyrinth for his partner. "A labyrinth is a complex series of winding paths, similar to a maze...a labyrinth forces the walker to follow a specific serpentine path." The narcissist designs and orchestrates the labyrinth that the spouse must walk. Those married to narcissists eventually feel helpless since they must continue the strict pathway the narcissist has set for them. There are to be deviations. The spouse cannot be herself or himself---everything--the way you think and feel and act is decided by the narcissist. Often people in these situations have told me they felt they would never escape.
At some tipping point many of those imprisoned by the narcissist find the courage, strength, fortitude and sheer will to break through the boundaries of the labyrinth and run free (often for the first time in their lives).
The narcissistic spouse is often shocked by this independent behavior. His threats no longer work, his recriminations are impotent---You have asserted the center of the true self that no one can vanquish. As you move further and further away from your lost years in the labyrinth, you are infused with great energy, creative reserve, an abiding peace and grateful joy---and a deep sense of the preciousness of all of life. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
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